Downloads from Heaven

A Video Montage on Rising Above Adversity

2011-01-27T22:41:00.000-08:00

The more I think about the faithfulness of God and what He has brought us through in our 19 year marriage, I am forever grateful for a Mighty Redeemer, An All Sufficient Savior, and the one who loves me even when I am unlovely.... Thank You, Jesus!

Christopher's 18th B'day Montage Video

2010-03-27T22:37:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday, Christopher! It is hard to believe that time has flown by so fast! Dad and I are so very proud of the Godly man you have become and we celebrate with you as we watch you grow and walk out the call of God on your life!

You are a true JOY in our life and we love you very much!

"I pray that God will fill your heart with dreams and faith will give you courage to dare to do great things. I'm here for you whatever this life brings. May our love give you roots and help you find your wings." (Find Your Wings by Mark Harris).

Love,
Mom and Dad

In the Waiting Rooms of Life

2009-12-09T09:54:00.000-08:00

December 7, 2009

Waiting...and waiting...and waiting... I am sure it is a spiritual gift for some, but not for me!

My husband Brad was recently diagnosed with Lymphoma and we went into surgery to have his mass and Lymph node removed. Pastor Rob was with me all day long. Brad considers Rob to be his best friend... so I found that to be very comforting to have him with me during one of the most scarey times of my life. There is just nothing to prepare you when someone tells you that your spouse has cancer. So now we wait. We wait to find out what stage the cancer is at and whether it is hodgkins or non-hodgkins. Chemo is inevidible at this point... and we have a long road ahead of us... but we have a great hope in a MIGHTY and ABLE GOD WHO HEALS! But the waiting is excruciating.

As Rob was with me on Monday, we discussed several of the other times when he came to meet us at a hospital waiting room or ER over the last eleven years. That thought alone is both sad and comforting-- just to know the long term health issues our family has battled and how faithful Rob and our senior Pastor David Kerr have been there to see us through all the bumps in the road over the past decade+ of our lives.

I was thinking just the other day of my first waiting room experience with Brad. We were in college and both youth ministers at a church. We were having a lock-in and I came down with the most incredible migraine headache that buckled me. I layed down in a room for a while but it never passed and they finally took me to the ER. That is when I knew I had a faithful friend in Brad.

Shortly later we were married and then came the children. I remember him waiting with me while I was in labor with Christopher and just pacing the room like any proud daddy would... he was holding my hand through each contraction and helping me remember to breathe. He was there when they finally told me that we would have to have c-section and prepare for surgery. He was a trooper... he stayed with me the hold time-- even when they gave me the epidural. The doctor teased him and said that is when they lose most of the dads... but not Brad! He muscled through it and stood by side and waited to hold his firstborn son.

There were several hospital waiting room visits after Christopher was born. He was having chronic ear infections with fever spiking up to 103... not a good thing in a newborn so we held our infant son in our arms while doctors tried to get his fever under control.

Just over a year later Laura was born. He braved the experience of another c-section and epidural... he is such a trooper! Laura became critically ill within the first week after she was born and we were back at the hospital waiting room and listening to the doctor tell us that they were uncertain what was wrong with our daughter, but if they did not figure it out soon they were concerned she would not live through the night. That was a dark night of the soul for both of us. We held on to each other like never before. The tears came freely as did our prayers together on behalf of our girl. There was no doubt that God was in our midst as we camped with blankets and pillows on the waiting room floor of Scott & White NICU nursery...and I had fresh c-section stitches and staples...but could not bear to leave my baby at the hospital.

A few years later Joshua was born and within his first 24 hours of life doctors were once again telling us that this newborn child of our was not expected to live through the night and they could not determine what was wrong with him. If things did not turn around within the hour they would need to do a total and complete blood transfusion. So there we were waiting and praying together as we had done so many times before on behalf of our children.

A few years after that, great regret had set in that we had opted to have my tubes tied after Joshua was born and came to realize that was mistake we wanted to correct. We loaded up the kids and drove across the country to have my reversal surgery with Dr Berger in North Carolina. We had all the hopes and dreams that would continue to grow our family and bless the love we shared with more children. We had our hopes held high that once again we would welcome another little baby Irons into our home.

It was October 1999 when we first learned that we were pregnant again! We were so excited! And then those dreams came crashing to the ground in December when we learned that we were miscarrying Hannah Grace. There was another run to the hospital where they told us that the baby would not survive. We sat in the ER room and Brad just held me while I cried. We both cried. Our hearts were crushed. Our children were beyond sad that their new baby sister was not going to be coming home--ever. Within a few days of being home from the hospital we had a Christmas ornament made for Baby's First Christmas and we had Hannah's name engraved on the ornament and hung it on our tree to celebrate her short life with us. December 2000, just a year later we lost another Baby, Michaela Dianne, and we have added her First Christmas ornament to our tree as well. We remembered and celebrated the life God had blessed us with-- even for the short time we had we had them with us.

We cried out to God about our heart's desire for more children and we were blessed again right away. This time it was TWINS!! Our hearts were encouraged! Two losses followed up with a TWIN pregnacy... we felt excited and scared at the same time! In March of 2001 something went drastically wrong and we were making another run to the hospital and sat in the waiting room again wondering what was going on with our babies. It was not looking good at all. We learned that we lost one of the twins, Jeremiah Daniel which we had up to then affectionately called Baby A. Our thoughts immediately turned to how Baby B, Josiah David, was doing. He was holding strong and had a good healthy heart beat... so we grieved and rejoiced in the same moment--- and again, just held each other as we cried in this hospital room. Josiah held on strong for three more weeks. Then we lost him too. But with him it was different. I actually went into labor and we birthed his tiny little body fully intact in his amniotic sac. You could see his head, his eyes, his arms, his spine... fully human and identifiable as a baby. Our baby. We had the sacred moment of holding him our hand... and then we had a funeral to plan. We had never had a body to deal with in the process of miscarrying the other babies... but Josiah was actually delivered. We loved, we grieved, and we buried part of our heart in the ground. Since Josiah was a twin, we put both babies names on the grave marker. The next two years saw our pregnancy losses of Caitlyn Elizabeth and Michael Gabriel... at this point we knew something was seriously wrong in my body and began demanding the medical community do something to find out what was wrong with me.

The Lyme disease diagnosis came in November 2005 and then began a brutal 3 year antibiotic regimine that was equivalent to chemo. There was at least once-a-year during my 3 year treatment that Brad was in the hospital as well. We kept each other company and prayed together during these moments of life where it seemed we were becoming way too familiar with hospitals and waiting rooms.

This last year has been one trial after another. I thought about what we would say if we wrote a Christmas letter this year ...and just decided we would just say "Merry Chrsitmas" and move on! I became very sick right after Christmas in 2008 and was scheduled for a spinal tap the first week in January. It brought short term relief, but by February I needed another spinal tap and the doctor felt it was too unsafe to do another so soon to the last one. He put me on a medication that completely incapacitated me for 6 months, but held the symptoms at bay until it was safe enough to do another a tap. I was literally in bed for almost 16 hours a day for 6 months and life was a blur for that six months. My highlight was being able to go to the DBU campus twice a month for classes in the evening... and only able to accomplish that because I had been able to sleep all day. I did not take the meds on the days I had to go to campus so I could safely drive.

By August, the doctor opted not to do a spinal tap as it would only give us temporary results but rather wanted a more permanent solution and decided on brain surgery to place a shunt. In September, just 4 weeks after the brain surgery I was back in the hospital for gall bladder surgery... Brad was at my side faithfully during both surgeries. I am just now landing on my feet, getting back in school at normal paces and looking for a job. Things were starting to look up.

October of this year brought about an experience for us that I could only lable as being the darkest nights of my soul. I could not imagine anything more devestating that what we were going though... until Brad was diagnosed as having Lymphoma. CANCER. And the abyss that we were already falling into just opened up wider and it felt like we were utterly being consumed by darkness and hopelessness.

The doctor told us on a Thursday about the Lymphoma and Brad had asked if we could do the surgery in 3 weeks so we could meet the new deductible in January. The doctor said we could not wait that long and he wanted to do the surgery the very next day. Fear set in...gripping fear! Why the rush? This had to be bad if the doctor did not even want to wait antoher day. The surgery could not be scheduled until the following Monday... it was an entire weekend of praying and believing for a miracle...and battling the fear that threatened to consume us.

Monday came and we left for the hospital. The lump in my throat was painful and I could not find words to speak so I just held on to my precious heartsong's hand and prayed silently. We got him admitted into the hospital and we found ourselves waiting again in yet another waiting room. This time my best friend Randi and Brad's best friend Rob was with us. We were all together...laughing and remembering times in the past and talking about dreams for the future... and there was still that fear just below the surface that wondered if there really was going to be a future for us... thoughts of wondering if he would survive this cancer taunted me. And as I looked around the room at Brad, Randi and Rob...I knew that for all the love that was in that room and all the prayers that had been offered on behalf of Brad--- I had to let him go. There was nothing more I could do for him but pray and release him to the hand of God... and the tears threatened to cross my eye lids so I closed my eyes and prayed yet again...God, take care of my heartsong... I love him. I want him back.

Time was up. They came to take him back for surgery-- a surgery that had the potential of him coming back to us paralyzed. I held his hand as they stopped at the automated doors before rolling him into the surgical room. I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek and told him how much I loved him. They rolled him away and doors shut behind them. So there I was again... another waiting room.

December 11, 2009 (4 days post surgery)
Brad slept in his own bed last night. I layed there next to him all night with my hand on his arm...praying every time I woke up. All I could think to pray was YOUR WILL BE DONE, Lord. I was scared of finding out the test results. Was this cancer treatable? What would the chemo be like for Brad? So I continued to pray that no matter what-- none of this had taken God by suprise. I knew that no matter the results Brad and I would stand and praise God. And for all my praying, I stood there this morning and remembered the story of Leah in the Bible who felt so unloved... and I remembered her words to the Lord... no matter what, this time I will PRAISE YOU!

I let my husband go. I gave him to God... and resigned myself that no matter what I was going to praise Him.

It was a long and quiet ride to the doctor's office. We said little, but just held on to each other's hand...TIGHTLY.

The tension was heavy as we sat in yet another waiting room... waiting for the news that would forever change our lives. The doctor came in and it was if all the oxygen in the room was sucked out and we were left holding our breaths... and the first words out of his mouth were "We have GOOD NEWS!!" ...and a collective exhale flooded over the room!

He said, "The good Lord must have been watching over you! We were able to remove the lymphoma cells in the cyst and surrounding tissues before it could ever spread! We caught this early! You are CANCER FREE!"

I know my REDEEMER lives!!!!

I don't know what other waiting room experiences await us in this lifetime, but I am praying that they will be good ones! I look forward to waiting with Brad in hospital waiting rooms as we anticipate meeting our new grandchildren some day!

I love you, Brad... the best years are yet to come!!!

Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen!!

2009-10-13T23:36:00.000-07:00

I accept the challenge…

2009-03-22T14:26:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of things I do not know:

I don’t know how to do logo rhythms.

I don’t know how to communicate effectively with teens.

I don’t know why bad things happen to good people.

I don’t know why, as people, we run ourselves ragged majoring on the minors.

..these things, I just don’t know.

But these things I do know:

Jesus Christ is the Son of the Living God.

God is still on His throne.

Prayer gives us direct access to the God of the universe and He immensely enjoys our company.

For all the miracles God has done before, He can do it again!

…on these truths I would stake my very life.

So I accept the challenge!

This morning a visitor issued our church a challenge. I partly wonder if the guy was human, or was he an angel in our midst?? I bought his CD so I’m pretty sure he is real… :-D.

The challenge was to seek the heart of God and personal revival. The challenge was to devote ourselves to the communion of prayer and meditation on the scriptures—to interact with God. When we experience God we are changed, and in turn we can change our world. The challenge was to know God and be fully known by God.

I accept the challenge.

I woke up this morning with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I wondered what in the world I had gotten myself into. They physical responsibilities I have taken on have started to wear me down. My mind was filled with the frustrations of the week, the medical dilemmas, dueling doctors opinions, and no hope in sight.

I laid on my bed while every muscle ached, every movement caused my bones to pop and creak and all I could think of was the fact I was determined to make it to church this morning. I resolved that I would get there this morning even if I had to limp, crawl or be carried in a wheel chair…I was going to be there. There was not even drama with the kids this morning…an unusual thing for Sunday morning.

More than anything I knew I wanted and needed prayer. I have been completely at a loss about what to do with the medical situation that I am facing. 3 doctors and not one of them can agree on anything. In fact the vehemently oppose each others suggestions. Two of those three doctors asked me what *I* felt they should do! Last I checked, my degree was in Social Work—not MEDICINE! That brought about even more fear an anxiety to know my doctors were looking at me and asking me what to do. The hopeless feelings just kept mounting. But in the middle of the storm, the clock is ticking and decisions have to be made…they all want answers as to what we are going to do to solve the problem.

One doctor mailed me copies of the lab work so I would know what we are dealing with on his end, another doctor graphed me out a chart of what his concern was, another doctor felt it was too dangerous to do the one treatment we all knew to be effective because it was an invasive procedure that we just did in January, and now we need it done again. He said the risk was too high. I sat looking at all the overwhelming information and tried to consider each doctor’s opinion and suggested course of action. I realized the complete disharmony of the three of them. So I have a fourth opinion coming next week.

As I woke up this morning, I only had one goal in mind…Get me to the church on time!!!

I had no idea we would have a guest speaker today. In fact, I expected jokes from my pastor, that he would introduce himself to me as if I were a first time visitor because I have been gone so much lately. But he greeted me with a hug and told me he was glad I was well enough to be there. I gave a half-hearted smile because I didn’t have the heart to say that I wasn’t well enough to be there—I was just that DESPERATE!!

During our communion service we had a special time of prayer for those in our church body who were sick. I knew this was a divine moment! I stood and asked for prayer from those around me. Desperation is not always a bad thing—in that moment I was clinging to the hem of Jesus’ garment with all that I had in me.

The speaker spoke. He issued his challenge. And the weight of the world I had felt just hours before had simple melted away. I was reminded of the passage of scripture where Jesus was talking to Martha. “Martha, Martha, you worry about so many things, but only one thing is needed.” Mary had been sitting at the feet of Jesus while Martha was working and worrying. Jesus told Martha, “Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken from her.” (Luke 10:38-42)

As I considered all that has been worrying me, I made a conscious decision….I’m not going to play that game!

As I mentioned before, there is a lot I don’t know. I don’t know why three doctors can’t come to some agreement on how to treat me without physically harming me further. I don’t know if the 4^th opinion is going to help or further complicate and confuse this issue.

But this I do know….

God is not the author of confusion! And these doctors are admittedly confused about what to do. I know that Mary chose the one thing THAT WAS NEEDED. She chose to sit at the feet of Jesus, learn from Him and have fellowship with Him…and that could never be taken from her.

So here’s my plan. I am going to accept the challenge that was issued today to fully immerse myself in the Word, in prayer and in communion with my God, my Savior, my Redeemer, and my Healer.

And in this time of devotion to prayer and seeking God, I am asking God to intervene and heal me or give the doctors clarity and consensus on how to move forward. God is not the author of confusion.

I am in no rush. I think the foolish thing would be to just plow ahead amidst the confusion! How senseless would it be to make a decision in the midst of confusion, having neglected THE ONE THING THAT IS NEEDED!!

With God all things are possible!

My friends, we all worry about so many things, but Jesus said Himself, there is ONLY ONE THING THAT IS NEEDED!!

Will you accept the challenge of seeking a personal revival with God?

Love, Dawn

PS...check back to our church's website in the next few days and hear the message/challenge that was given online! www.thevinefellowship.com

Standing at the Gates, Looking at the Ruins

2008-11-27T07:14:00.000-08:00

I recently received a very precious, precious gift. It is not one that I can display on a shelf, or hang in a place of honor in my home—it was a far more treasured a gift than that… it was a healing of a wounded spirit.

I attended college at the University of Mary Hardin-Baylor in Belton, Texas (UMHB). The campus has an extremely rich historical heritage. I remember soaking in all the UMHB Crusader history with great pride. I knew from the day I stepped foot on the campus that I would be a Crusader forever! I would almost believe that if you cut me I would bleed purple and gold!

One of my favorite places on the campus was the Luther Memorial which we simply called “the ruins”. Ions ago there was a building called Luther Hall that had caught fire and all that was left was the bell tower and the multiple archway entrances. These “ruins” were preserved and made into a memorial that has become a campus icon for generations. The Easter pageant is held at the ruins. Weddings have been held at the ruins. When you think UMHB—you think “the ruins!”

The ruins signify a once tragic event in the life of the university—a gaping wound in the history and the heart of the UMHB heritage….. And yet, it is beautiful.

The precious gift I received recently came in the form of an invitation. I was invited to come back to UMHB and speak to their school of Journalism. They wanted to hear from an Alumnus who had once been editor of the UMHB school newspaper, The Bells, and had gone on to continue work in the newspaper and journalism profession.

As I arrived on campus, one of the first things I did was to seek out the ruins! I love the ruins! Oddly though, another one of the campus iconic landmarks had been moved and now sort of “framed” the ruins. It made the most beautiful photo for any UMHB fan! So I was standing at the gates looking at the ruins and I was struck with the irony of what had brought me to this place.

I thought it was rather ironic that my field of study while at the university was actually in Social Work, not journalism—though journalism had been my first choice. At that time, the school did not have a journalism department. Social Work just seemed fitting. There has always been an advocate inside of me—it is in the fabric of my being. I would just go about my goals through the avenue of the Social Work department and spend my time volunteering on the school’s newspaper and yearbook until such a time came when the editor’s position was available and I was hired for the job. This satisfied that desire for journalism in my life, even though I knew a journalism degree would not be at the end of the journey.

So there I was standing at the gates of UMHB looking on the ruins. The thoughts of being invited to speak to the school’s journalism department flooded me with emotions. I was so excited that the dream I had once wanted was now available to future students, and there was a sense of Crusader pride that just welled up inside me. But the irony of how I actually ended up in the field of journalism kept pervading my thoughts. There is just no other word but irony that describes the situation…and it was the very reason UMHB invited me back to speak to this new generation of journalists: my newspaper publication The Public Health Alert, and by association Lyme disease.

Again, staring at the ruins of UMHB, I realized it was the ruins of my own life that brought me back to this place. It was the devastation and destruction of Lyme disease and realizing what others were going through—and then with the social work training, the advocate inside did all I could do, under the circumstances. I took the journalism skills I had learned in junior high and high school, and fine tuned while being the editor of the UMHB Bells, and arose from the ashes, much like a phoenix and created the PHA to help Lyme patients and their medical providers have a platform to share information, without outside interference.

Much like UMHB’s ruins signified a tragedy of the past, I am finding that the ruins of what Lyme has done in my life, though it has had it’s tragic moments, is also becoming the very thing that people are now being drawn to, and are finding beauty in—much like the Luther Memorial at UMHB.

I find when I tell my Lyme story, when I reflect on all that Lyme has done in my life—both good and bad—there is a far deeper story than what you see by simply meeting me. My story tells the story of many others…multitudes of others! My story also shows the faithfulness of God, still sovereign and moving in a modern generation. My story tells of a tenacious doctor willing to put his patients above politics and practice the oath he took when he became a physician—to first do no harm—even when it put him squarely in the middle of a medical controversy. He chose the patients health over his personal concern over the controversy of his decisions. Because of his medical choices I am still walking. I thank him and God for that. Because of his bold medical decisions and persistence to go the distance, I am no longer bed-ridden, but will be attending graduate school in 8 weeks. I can thank God and Dr. Forester for that. My story encompasses their stories. I find there is much to reflect on.

This is the time of year where reflecting on life is very important to me. There is something about the holiday seasons that cause a lot of reflection and introspection. That can be both good and bad. The contents of this particular issue of the PHA reflect that perfectly. We see great strides with ILADS advancing their physicians training program at the same time we mourn the tragic loss of a tremendous Lyme patient advocate Leslie Wermers. I think of Leslie’s sister, Tracie Schissle, and how the holidays must be bearing down on her -- and in my heart I know Leslie’s desire for Tracie is to rise like a phoenix out of the ashes and continue down the path of advocacy the two close-knit sisters had put their heart and soul into for hope of a brighter tomorrow for Lyme disease patients everywhere.

I reflect on my own life. I remember closing out the 2007 year this time last year and my daughter surviving her coma that was brought on by a Lyme induced case of Meningitis. This year of 2008 had its own share of trials and tribulations, but I have seen the best progress of my Lyme treatment this year and I am simply amazed.

Last year I was contemplating launching a Christian newspaper. In November of 2008 I did it! By the end of January 2009 we should have it out in hard copy! Last year I was accepted to graduate school, but was unable to attend. This year my classes start in early January! I am just weeks away from realizing that dream!

I think of all the controversy that surrounds the IDSA vs. ILADS treatment protocols, and I cannot imagine where I would be right now if I had just accepted the measly 6 weeks of antibiotics and learned to deal with what the IDSA called “the aches and pains of daily living.” I personally think not being able to walk and not having full use of my legs is a tad bit more than the average “aches and pains of daily living”… but I digress!

I thank God for Dr. Jonathan Forester in Pineville, Louisiana who has been able to medically treat my/our Lyme disease, and pray with me and my family. He has been a very integral part of giving us back our lives and health. I can without a doubt say, that had we not found him when we did, I would not be alive today. He literally saved my life, and that of my family. I owe a debt of gratitude to Dr. Forester that I can never repay.

My hope for you, the readers and friends of the PHA, is that as you look at the ruins of your own life, you will find the strength, like the phoenix, to rise from the ashes.

It is my prayer for you all that you will seek God as priceless gift this holiday season. He is the only one who can trade your ashes for beauty, your sorrow for joy…He can turn our mourning into dancing again. May God make the ruins of your life into a beautiful memorial that will draw people to you that you may testify to them, “look what my God has done for me!”

Public school teacher brow beats student for being a McCain supporter

2008-11-07T08:58:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDEAYgm0Dv8

This is a must see!!

Public school teacher brow beats student for being a McCain supporter.

(Just get past the first 20 seconds because it is in the finnish language because the american network news DID NOT show this in our news stations!... the rest is in english, but it has Finnish subtitles.)

Unbelievable.....

"Free" public education...I guess you get what you pay for! Complete INDOCTRINATION!!

I guess her political stance was so "good" they were able to overlook her comments about "Jesus??"

Go figure!

This kind of makes me miss my homeschooling days...

I am amazed this woman still has her job and has had no consequences.

I guess the ACLU might slap her hand for saying JESUS??

It would almost be funny if it weren't so tragic...

Dawn

He Preached His Own Funeral!

2008-10-09T11:44:00.001-07:00

It was a funeral like none other I have ever attended. Today we buried my friend and staff writer David Noblett.

He died unexpectedly 2 weeks ago from a heart attack while in the middle of "the story of his life!"

David's life labor in the last 2 years has been for his lifelong friend and personal physician Dr. William Littlejohn, M.D. (Doc LJ for short.) Doc has been in a battle with the Texas Medical Board for his license that was "temporarily" suspended 2 years ago. The suspension was given due to false tesimony that was given during a heated custody battle. It was later proven that the mom signed a sworn affidavit under duress and threat that she would never see her children if she did not make the complaint against Doc LJ. It was proven-- yet the board still has yet to re-instate his license...2 years later. It has been a bureacratical nightmare that is culminating in a federal court case.

Fighting for Doc LJ's license for the last 2 years is what has given David's life new meaning and passion...something worth fighting for!

David is not stranger to battles or war-- he is a decorated Vietname verteran with numerous Purple Heart medals and Bronze Star medal and many other high commendations and military honors for his service in the Army. Yet, this is something that David was VERY private about. This was not his favorite topic of discussion, nor did he share it freely for most of his life.

David and I only recently became friends this year. But we became FAST friends! According to Doc and his office assistant Ann, that is something VERY uncommon for David-- He is very private and distant to most people. I thought it sort of strange as well, because although I am FAR from a "private person"-- in fact I consider myself an OPEN BOOK, I also tend to keep people at arms length on a personal level. So the fact that we struck up such a deep and meaningful friendship so quickly was a mystery to all who knew both of us!

As I sat as his funeral today and listened to Doc and Ann discuss many issues about David, things he had said and done, etc... I began to see a golden thread, the finger prints of God-- the Providential Hand of God at work in our short but very significant friendship!

Doc and Ann recounted how PRIVATE a man that David was... in fact a closed book! That is NOT the David I knew! Doc has known David for 30+ years, I have known David for 3 or 4 months. The first time I ever met David was when he invited me to attend a town hall meeting in Fort Worth where the Texas Medical Board was addressing the public in an open forum.

I had hear "rumors" that David was a bit of a rebel rouser :-) and that this meeting would not be boring! As editor of the PHA, I knew well the situation with Doc LJ-- so I thought I would go see BOTH sides of the story...what would the TMB have to say to the public? I asked my friend Randi to go to the meeting with me for 2 reasons. One, I hate driving to places I have never been! Second, if this meeting got a bit rowdy and we ended up in jail, I wanted to have a friend with me! LOL! (I was only HALF joking about the jail thing! But I did tell that her up front!)

They opened up for Q&A and there a few rows in front of me stood a silver haired man in an Army fatigue jacket covered top to bottom in Military Medals and honors. He had a booming voice and began to address the TMB about the false charges that were brought against Doc LJ and why his license had not been reinstated after the facts had been proven and settled...

...and this was the stage upon which our friendship was built. I leaned over to my friend Randi and said if they drag than man out of here and call the police, just take my car home because I am just going to have to go to jail with him!

We became INSTANT friends. There is just something about a friendship that is built on the strength of conviction on matters of RIGHT & WRONG-- and the courage to confront it. That is where we both were in our lives, though we had different circumstances, we had the same foundations of conviction!

David began to write for my newspaper about his dealings with the TMB and his work on behalf of Doc LJ. David was our Texas Watch Dog! He had a bone to chew and a dog in this fight! We had many emails and phone calls over the months about his various news sources, meetings, deadlines, and his faith in God. The ONLY thing that lit a fire under David more passionately than Doc LJ and the Texas Medical Board situation was his faith in Jesus Christ!

David was a retired minister. He was a 1976 graduate of Christ For the Nations Bible Institute in Dallas, Texas and was later ordained by his local church for ministry. David wrote much on the issues of prayer, holiness, and the authority & power of God's word.

So when I first heard the news David had passed away my heart was simply broken! What a loss to the world around him! He was an absolute DYNAMO!

As I arrived at the graveside today, I was early and one of the first people there besides Doc LJ. The military honor guard was there and Bugle Boy was there, standing guard, alert, at attention and ready to play TAPS on command. The absolute RESPECT these soldiers showed for their fallen veteran serviceman was inspiring. I wanted to hug them! I wanted to thank them! But they were standing at attention and saluting the casket almost the whole time and it just seemed almost irreverent to interrupt their honor and respect of David. But my heart was standing and APPLAUDING to the highest heavens at such a visual of HONOR & RESPECT-- to CHERISH a fallen comrad whom they had never met...there was such honor... I felt a tear escape and that lump in my throat start to swell.

As more and more people arrived, I saw the funeral director place a casette player on the ground by the casket. I leaned over to my friend Rhonda, and half joking said, why do I get the feeling that David is about to preach his own funeral?

And wouldn't you know.... that is exactly what happened! As Doc had been going through David's personal effects he found several sermons that David had preached when he pastored a small church in Ft Worth. There was one in particular that summed up the essence of David's life in a nutshell...all that he believed, all that he hoped for, and all that he would ever want to share with his friends... and so Doc arranged to have that message played at the funeral.

Yes...David preached his own funeral!

The message left me speechless! Tears filled my eyes-- not just for the loss of my friend-- but remembering one of our last conversations we had where we had been discussing a tough family situation I was going through and his counsel was to pick myself up by the boot straps and get myself back in the battle and FIGHT! This was not a time of RETREAT! Forward! Fight! Advance! Defeat is not an option!

So as I sat there listening to him preach his own funeral with a message titled Divine Destiny, the rugged determination to cling to the truth of God's Word. He said that God spoke to his heart and told him he was a hypocrite. He believed that "the steps of a righteous man are ordered of God," yet he refused to speak about or share a very significant journey in his life-- as if the Lord had NOT ordered his steps there-- The jungles of Vietnam.

So he shared the story of his experience in Vietnam and how his best friend, Michael Blanchard, threw his body on a satchel bomb that was intended to blow near David and sacrificed his own life to save David's life. David had been very private about his experiences in Vietnam, but was coming to a realization that God was with him and had ordered those steps, and that ALL things work together for the GOOD of them that love God and are called according to His purposes.

The very day I met David was the FIRST day since he left the jungles of Nam that he donned his military fatigue jacket and pinned on his military honors...and it was to confront a state government medical board, a state/country that he fought for and was honored for his wounds in battle, only to have this state turn their back on him in his quest for basic medical care and the reinstatement of an unduly revoked license of his medical provider.

It was as if I met David the day he burst out of his cocoon and matured from the caterpillar into a majestic butterfly and began to live the Divine Destiny he was born to do!

His message at the funeral went on to say that his struggle with the private nature of what happened in Nam is what gave him the courage to battle openly for Doc LJ. From the get-go David and I had an "open book" relationship. This is the only David I knew-- an open book! So To hear his life-long friends describe this private person, was a mystery to me-- we really became fast friends. I almost felt like I have been given a special privilege and gift...and I cherished that!

His assistant Ann had called me last week and said she just really needed to call and tell me something David and told her. She felt I needed to know. She reminded me of the private person that David was, but said he told her that in the time that he had known me, just since the 4th of July, and our friendship clicking like it did, and his immediate start to writing for the PHA newspaper, that for the first time in YEARS David felt like his life had meaning, destiny and purpose again. I was able to help him get the medical board story told...and in doing so, it helped him get the attention of the mainstream media...which led him to "the story of his life!"

That is what he called it.... "the story of his life!" He had finally gotten a mainstream news media outlet to pick up his struggle for Doc LJ and bring it to the public eye! The story was written, the photographer/reporter was on his way over to shoot the final photos for the story that was to be released to the public the next day. The reporter arrived only to find David dead at his computer desk.

Something else David had said in his funeral message, "You have to know that God's divine destiny has been chosen for you from the foundations of the world, even before you were knit together in your mothers womb. Your steps were ordered. It seemed my entire company in Nam could see my Purple Heart's ...but I couldn't. I had to let God show me he ORDERED those steps for a purpose. Those wounds had a reason."

I do think there was a divine destiny in God bringing a very closed book and private man together with an open book, but distant girl to make an instant friendship!

David struggled over the years feeling he was not making a difference. He was working hard, but not seeing the fruit of the labor. We become instant friends and the only tool I have in my hands, a newspaper I publish from home, just so happens to have a focus on health-related issues, and an interest ESPECIALLY in Texas medical board issues... it was just a PROVIDENTIAL friendship waiting to happen!

I was soooo thankful that Ann called to tell me what David had said. So often we never get to hear those kinds of comments from people. They go unsaid or forgotten. Yet, those words are more valuable than GOLD to the heart and soul of a person. David felt that I had helped him find PURPOSE and VALUE to his life...He said I helped him feel he was MAKING A DIFFERENCE. And in turn, I felt what it meant to have the answer of a prayer I had prayed for many years...one that I had memorized as a new Christian in college, by St Francis of Asissi:

Lord,
It is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned.
It is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Make me an instrument of your peace.
I want to know what it's like to follow you.
When men look at me, I want them to see
the Light of the World inside. Amen.

Our friendship may have only been for 3 months but it will have been three months that has forever changed the landscape of my life for the better.

Not everyone gets to know a true American hero. Not only was David a war hero-- he was a hero of our Christian faith.... and when I was growing weary in the weary in the battle, he knew as a soldier, that to sympathize with me on the battlefield may have gotten me KILLED-- He had one friend die in battle in Nam, he was not about to have another friend in a spiritual warfare battle! He ordered me to attention and back to the battle!

You just don't argue with a veteran war hero!
You respect their experience and out of honor--obey quickly!

So as I sat there at my friends funeral, and his sermon was coming to a close-- he said there is one thing our country sorely lacks-- and that is a spirit of COMMITMENT.

He said to be a soldier, you must commit to the training. But so often as Christians, we get them saved and baptized-- but fail to send them to boot camp for basic training. And WE KNOW we are at war! You cannot send untrained, uncommited soldiers to war-- you guarantee their death!

HE said as the Body of Christ, we MUST return to the boot camp training for all soldiers of the cross. Not only boot camp for new recruits, but advanced training, and then specialist training! He said it is imperative that we learn to use our weapons of warfare and commit to be good soldiers of the cross! WE LACK COMMITMENT!

If there is anything I have been re-evaluating in my personal life lately is has been COMMITMENT-- so I felt like my friend had returned from the grave to finish the conversation we were having right before he passed away.

Now don't you just appreciate the providential hand of God that cares enough about the details of our life to have your friend finish a conversation you were having before he died--AT HIS FUNERAL??

I was sort of amused at the irony of this so I asked Doc when David had preached that sermon because he well could have preached it the week we had our conversation-- it was just that timely to what we had been speaking about!

The date on the tape was from 1980. Now...tell me there is no such thing as PROVIDENCE!!

I will miss my friend David! But he has entered into his rest and is now WHOLE and PAIN-FREE!!

I am sure Jesus has received him with open arms and with a resounding WELL DONE MY GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT!!

What Makes Me Love Him?

2008-10-03T05:56:00.001-07:00

thoughts about my husband on our upcoming 17th anniversary...

I believe in the providential hand of God! I was going to meet and marry Brad Irons one way or another-- God made sure of that!

I met Brad while attending the University of Mary Bardin-Baylor in Belton, Texas. A small, hole-in-the-wall Texas town that you will miss if you blink on the highway. Brad was the editor of the college newspaper and I was working as a staff photographer and writer...(wow, the more things change the more they stay the same! LOL!)

But that had not been the original plan for either of our college careers. While developing photos in the dark room one day we began discussing our journalistic goals and dreams. I told him about my lost opportunity of going to the School of Visual Arts in New York City. Even with the scholarship they offered me for Journalism-- I could not afford to go. Brad looked at me in sort of a stunned silence. The School of Visual Arts? In NYC? That was the same school Brad had been accepted to-- the very same semester I had been accepted to go! Now if that were not "coincidental" enough-- the school was very exclusive and quite difficult to get into. Less than 1% of their applicants got accepted...and that 2 of us were standing in the same dark room, working on the same newspaper, in a podunk little Texas town was more than a MIRACLE in my book!

YES...God had major plans for Brad Irons and I to cross paths...and I am personally glad that it happened in TEXAS and NOT New York! You can take the girl out of Texas, but just can't get TEXAS out of the girl!!

Not only did Brad and I have a love of journalism, but we also had a love of drama. I was thinking this morning back to a musical I did in high school called The Apple Tree. It was a musical comedy based on "The Diaries of Adam & Eve".

In one of the songs, Eve waxes sentimental and sings:

"What makes me love him?
It's not his singing.
I've heard his singing.
It sours the milk.
And yet...
It's gotten to the point
Where I prefer that kind of milk."

I know...a funny song to be floating through my head this morning-- but there is was.

WHAT MAKES ME LOVE HIM??

So I started to think about that...

It is not as easy an answer as one would think!

There are a gazillion reasons I adore him:
He is funny
He is an excellent father
He is a wonderful provider
He is a man of good moral character
He is a hard worker
...and the list could go on forever....

But if tomorrow he stopped being funny, I would still love him.

If tomorrow he ceased to be a good father, I would love him still.

If tomorrow his ability to provide for us went away, my love would not.

If tomorrow he had a failure of moral character, my love would NOT evaporate.

If tomorrow he became a couch potato, my love would still exist...

So what makes me love him??

Maybe it really is just the simple fact that Brad is a gift that the Lord has given me, and a gift that I cherish deeply. I've committed to spend the rest of my life with him and to honor and respect him... and maybe that is the only reason I need to LOVE him. All the other reasons I could think of are reasons I adore him-- but they are not reasons I love him.

I think my love is completely based in the commitment I made before the Lord to LOVE the gift He has given me... and it has been a journey of good times & bad, sickness & health, better times & worse times, in short... the abundance of life experiences.

Every other reason is superficial at best. Much like a house built on a foundation of sand...the tests of time will wear on the superficial reasons for loving someone... but a firm commitment founded in Christ...rooted and grounded...THAT can stand the storms, the Katrinas, and anything that hell can throw at us.

I have never loved anyone as much as I have loved Brad. I have literally spent over half of my life with him. We met when I was 19 years old. We have 17 years of marriage and 10 children together (7 with the Lord.)

We have faced some difficult and life-changing circumstances in our marriage from death of children to house fires to chronic illnesses and major medical issues-- but even none of these issues can overshadow what God first brought together waaaaay back in the beginning at a small college in Belton, TX.

I love you so much more now than I ever could have known back then. I would not have traded our life together for a "picture perfect" life. Hey, I like our sense of ADVENTURE!

I love you, Brad! I look forward to the rest of our lives being even better than the past 17 years! The best is yet to come!

Love, Dawn

He Makes Me Lie Down in Green Pastures...And Walk on Water!

2008-08-31T16:41:00.000-07:00

You gotta love life lessons!! Brad and I, almost a lifetime ago, when we lived in Temple, Texas, heard a wonderful pastor preach a message on the 23rd Psalm. There was one part of that message that stuck with us through our 17 years of marriage, and a point that we often use to remind each other when we are burning the candle at both ends--to the excess of danger.

This pastor made the point of noting that God did not suggest we lay down in green in pastures, or even invite us to lie down in green pastures... it says He will make us to lie down in green pastures!

Well...I was benched by God this last week as I was made to lie down in green pastures!! This is the kind of time-out we all need! I feel much more refreshed and renewed now, but I can already hear the wheels of my mind clicking away at what all I can accomplish now that I am refreshed....... one step forward, two steps back!

I will share a bit about the week that got me side-lined, benched, put in time-out:

I had been putting off the inevitable. It was time for another trip to see the Lyme specialist in Louisiana. This is very much a bitter-sweet trip. I love the "get away" aspect of the trip, but I really struggle physically with the 5 hour journey. A long trip like that in August was not at the top of my "things to do this summer" list!

I always take a travel buddy with me on these trips if Brad cannot come along. This has been a real blessing in the event I need help with driving. And the conversation/company is always uplifting!

This trip my friend Randi and her son Robert came along with me. We looked at this is our mini-summer vacation.

About the time we arrived in Shreveport, the AC in the van started making an awful noise and stopped cooling...we still had 2 hours to arrive at our destination, and then 5 hours on the trip home. I was stressing over the AC situation as heat really aggravates the Lyme symptoms and some of the meds cause a heat sensitivity that blisters the skin. But I figured I was in Louisiana and my appointment with Dr. F was the next morning, so there was no better place on earth at that moment to be!

My friend Randi is an intercessor extraordinare! She began praying for cloud cover...and the next morning God mercifully provided us with cloud cover!

My appointment with Dr. F was good and informative. He ran some tests, questioned me relentlessly on some issues of memory, cognitive function and mental processing. He sent me off for more lab work and then had Randi and I wait in his office for him to bring the results.

After the last fiasco with the doctor at home, I have decided to bring a family member or friend to each office visit to make sure there is a witness to what is being said and make sure things are being understood. So Randi and I sat there waiting for the test results.

Dr. F. returned and let me know that I have an overload of neuro-toxins in my brain. The antibiotics are doing their job well and killing the lyme bacteria, but in doing so, the critters release a toxin when they die and the toxins are remaining in my brain causing a worsening of my cognitive functions, thinking processes, ability to concentrate, and all that other brain-kind-of-stuff. How is that for a technical, medical definition!

At the same time he was explaining all the information about the neuro-toxins to me, he was telling me how shocked he was that I was able to continue doing my work with the newspaper. He said there is no medical reason to explain why I should be able to function at that level. He mentioned that on my last visit as well...so it got me to thinking.

By all medical standards and test results, I should not be functioning at the level I am functioning--much less be able to continue to manage a home based business and publish the newspaper. Yet, it seems to me that THAT is the time when I feel most cognitively alert and lucid...when I am perched in front of my computer working on the newspaper.

I notice a distinct difference in my cognitive functions in other pursuits! I cannot read a book! I simply cannot comprehend what I am reading or concentrate enough to follow the plot. I miss reading! Yet, when I sit down to write, or edit articles for the newspaper, my brain is sharp and in tact--like a well oiled machine.

I rarely watch TV anymore because I cannot keep up with the story line, characters, plots, etc...much like the problem with reading--the concentration is just not there...**BUT** when I sit down to have a quiet time or Bible study-- it is as if my brain is functioning at 100%.

It seems like those are the only 2 activities I do where I feel like my brain works normally.

The more I thought about it, the more amazed I was! I wonder if this is what Peter felt like when he was walking on the water? The laws of gravity perfectly explain why a human being cannot possibly walk on water...yet, at the request of Jesus who bid him to come walk on the water, Peter WALKED ON THE WATER!!

Sure, Peter seems to get the short end of the stick as most people use him as a sermon example of chastisement on what happens when you lose faith or take your eyes off the Lord, but I am still in AWE that of all the disciples...Peter is the ONLY one who WALKED ON WATER!!! No other disciple can make that claim!

If there is one thing I am absolutely certain, it is that God gave me the gift of writing and has specifically asked me to use it to bring hope to the people of the Lyme disease community, to give Lyme doctors a place to publish their research and treatment protocols, to spread the latest research and news regarding treatments, testing, etc... to help others avoid the pitfalls of their disease reaching the chronic state.

I feel like God has called me to write and publish this newspaper...and I feel like I AM WALKING ON WATER! Nothing gives me greater joy than to have a conversation with my Bible-believing, Jesus-loving Lyme doctor who shows me that "the empirical evidence of the test results show that you should not be able to do what you are clearly doing!"

And as we pass that knowing smile across the desk to each other, all that is left to say before we leave the office is "Praise God!"

So there you have it! PRAISE GOD!!

oh...and for those who wanted to know the rest of the crazy week....well it was humorous to say the least...I arrived home late Monday night to find that the AC at HOME had also gone out. So once I looked at the calendar and realized all that I had to do that week: I had the community Lyme film screening that coming Saturday, school shopping to do for the kids, & deadline for the newspaper, I quickly added an AC van repair to the list ASAP, while Brad attended to the work involved in getting the AC at home fixed (which ultimately ended up in the entire unit in the attic having to be replaced!). The AC did not get fixed until Thursday evening, so I ended up going to a hotel for one night to escape the heat and spent a few nights at Randi's house...where God MADE me lie down in green pastures!

Randi's home brought great rest and relaxation...it was very peaceful! I came back home refreshed, and to a cool home!! AND.....I made the newspaper deadline after all!

Now we can move forward with the other issues we discovered while fixing the house AC...the water that was leaking from the attic caused some water damage to the ceiling, we discovered a water leak (unrelated) in the front yard...so we are now ready to face these challenges...and our humor is still in tact (even if our finances are not! LOL!)

...But hey! I am walking on water! The waves that are crashing about me are no match for the One who is calling my name to come walk with Him on the Sea....

So if you see me starting to go down in the weeks or months ahead...please don't chastise me. Just rejoice with me that I DID and **AM** walking on water!!

Love, Dawn

The Comical Irony of It All....

2008-08-12T21:50:00.000-07:00

Have you noticed the latest trend in "environmentally friendly" green efforts?

I have recently noticed the fabric bags at Walmart that say, "Paper or Plastic? NEITHER."

Now I have to admit...I have really been working to find ways to be more resourceful and less wasteful, so I thought this was a really clever idea...besides, I got tired of being bombarded by rogue walmart bags every time I opened a cabinet and immediately became assaulted by plastic bags.

THIS was the perfect solution!

So last week, I purchased 3 bags with my groceries. This week I went back and purchased 2 more.

I arrived at the check out stand and the woman asked me if I wanted paper or plastic...so I thought I would clever and say "NEITHER. I'd like 2 eco-bags."

I wish I had taken my phone out to take a photo of what happened next...no one believes me!

But the woman took 2 of the eco-bags folded them up and placed them in a PLASTIC bag! LOL!

I did not want to seem rude, so I tried to hide my confused look and took my plastic bags of groceries to my van where I tool the eco-bags out and re-loaded my groceries....and there I was STILL with these nuisances of plastic bags!! Some days you just cant win! LOL!

Dawn

The Merry-Go-Round Makes me frustrated and dizzy!

2008-08-07T14:15:00.000-07:00

It was just a month ago when I went to the doctor and left with the news:

"This surgery is not elective, it is life and death."

"If we don't get this fixed, you will not be here this time next year."

This last month since this doctor's visit was an emotional roller coaster!

This past monday Brad called the doctor's office to get their help with dealing with the insurance company since, after speaking with the surgeon I was referred to, we found out that the insurance was refusing any and all treatment for the surgery. Even thought it was "life and death" according to the referring physician."

So trying to get our doctor's office to help with the insurance situation, we called and explained what we needed them to do. The nurse sounded confused. She did not understand where I got the idea of only having 12 months to live. So she spoke with the doctor and asked for both Brad and I to come in and go over everything today.

She entered the room and front the start apologized profusely that there had been a misunderstanding. She asked to tell her what I thought she had communicated to me. So I repeated word-for-word, her quotes to me:

"This surgery is not elective, it is life and death."

"If we don't get this fixed, you will not be here this time next year."

She apologized again and said that she had really only meant to stress the urgency and drive the point home that the weight and metabolic issues were the top priority.

She then went on to completely dismiss the Lyme diagnosis and said she really did not want to even go there with any discussions. She said the doctor in Louisiana has taken care of that and she is here to take care of the rest of the problems--the real problems.

So I questioned her..."Can being overweight cause hearing loss and vision loss?" (of course, I already knew the answer to that! I was just wanting to make a point!)

"Can being overweight cause a loss of and/or diminished reflexes?"

"Can being overweight cause bacteria to grow in blood cultures and give false positives on a lyme test?"

Her response was...that being overweight was causing problems with my thyroid, hypothalmus, and pituitary gland.

My frustration was growing at this point and I could see we were getting no where. So I just needed to shut up and accept her opinion that my weight is my only issue.

Still trying to get her to at least acknowledge that a persistent INFECTION in the body could cause all of these systems to go awry. So I asked her, "So you think that the Lyme is really a non issue? You think I should not go back to Louisiana?"

Again, being very guarded and careful, she said, "I really don't want to go there with you, but I would like for you to really consider that possibility." (of not returning to Louisiana for further treatment.)

Her mind is made up. My problem is that I am overweight and that is the source of all my medical issues...well, except for the hearing loss, vision loss, absent reflexes, seizure disorder that is detected on EEG, meniere's vertigo, hypercoagulation, and a whole laundry list of other ailments that she cannot explain.

She actually said that if I could lose the weight "the Lyme disease would go away!!"

If only.....

You see, I have been down this path! And I will keep going just to show good faith...

...but in 1985 I lost 35 pounds on Norwell diet center program. I felt better temporarily. I was an active athlete and involved in both tennis and cheerleading at school. I was active...but that did not stop the progressive joint and muscle problems, or the siezures.

...in 1987 I lost 15 pounds on a brown rice diet. That did not help the fatigue, muscle pain or any of the other symptoms.

...in 1994 I lost 30 pounds doing the Susan Powter diet...but still the fatigue was overwhelming and when I wasn't in school, or working out, I was sleeping...constantly.

...in 1998 I lost 50 pounds on the Atkins diet...all the while getting sicker, more fatigued, and emotionally becoming a basket case, irritable, and having major "female issues"...none was alleviated by the weight loss.

...in 2002 I started the First Place diet program...and after following the rules to a T...and 3 months later having lost only 7 pounds....I just gave up. I was sooo sick at that time, it was when I first started entertaining the thought of putting the kids in public school. I had recently been through 4 miscarriages during that time as well....so I knew something was wrong. I had this positive Lyme test, but the doc said it was a false positive because "we don't have Lyme in Texas."

...and it was 3 more YEARS of failing health, 3 more miscarriages, and a second positive Lyme test that made me start demanding some answers. I had been so fatigued that I was sleeping 16-18 hours a day. I finally put the kids in school. I was not even able to handle a 8am - Noon bible study program...I simply was no longer functioning.

I have now been on long term antibiotic therapy for almost 3 years now. My Lyme specialist felt he could get me into remission within 3-5 years of therapy. I am now at a place where I can sleep 8 +/- hours a day, with an occasional nap for good measure. I run an entire home based business, with more than 10 workers across the country, and have national distribution for a newspaper I publish from home (where I can work in my pajamas if I need to!) I have been able to add a significant income increase to our family and help with medical bills or whatever need arises.

Now this local doctor, who just a month ago, for the sake of "driving home a point" had me literally believing her "life and death" and "you wont be here this time next year" exaggerations--just to make a point-- that weight loss is my only real health issue I need to worry about-- she now wants me to seriously consider not going back to Louisiana for further Lyme treatment...

...and end up back where I was 3 years ago?
No thank you...that is no life at all!

I'd rather be on antibiotics the rest of my life, if it means I will continue to get better and re-gain my life... THIS is LIVING.... THIS is LIFE.

For me to do what she is suggesting, to forget the Lyme and move on-- would only land me in a physical condition of regression that would make we WISH that a 12 month life expectancy was days away from being completed...

The way doctor's think..... it can be frightening at times! Especially when they already have in their minds the solution to a problem and can consider no other probability....

It is a blessing of GOD that we hear his voice and can follow Him. I am thankful that I have a God fearing, bible-believing, Jesus-loving Lyme specialist who prays for his patients as well as medically treating them!

I'd place my odds being much better in those hands, than in the local doc!

Thanks for listening to my vent!

Dawn

ATTN: All Saints of God! MAN YOUR BATTLE STATIONS!

2008-07-20T19:11:00.000-07:00

Last week my pastor used the example of a luxury cruise liner vs a battleship to explain the expectations many people have of church.

On a luxury cruise line you tend to get to do what you want, when you want, and how you want...any time you want...and you have people to wait on you left and right. At no point to you have any weights of responsibility. (Not that I know this from personal experience, mind you, but I would definitely be up to doing some personal research on the matter!)

In stark contrast, I have been upon the military's USS Texas Battleship in the Houston Bay. There was nothing "beautiful" about the ship. It was the most awful color of gray I have even seen. But it was HUGE. (at least to the eyes of a 9 year old!) I sat in the seat of the automatic gunnery on the top deck, I lay down on the cold and hard "cot" in the smallest of confined compartments in the "brig". If there one thing that was clear...even to a 9 year old, was that this ship was about BUSINESS not PLEASURE.

The USS TEXAS is the last of the battleships, patterned after HMS Dreadnought, that participated in World War (WW) I and II. She was launched on May 18, 1912 from Newport News, Virginia. When the USS TEXAS was commissioned on March 12,1914, she was the most powerful weapon in the world, the most complex product of an industrial nation just beginning to become a force in global events.

The analogy of the luxury cruise liner and the battle ship stayed with me all week. And Oh yes! I must tell you how HUGE the anchor was on that battleship!! OH MY!!

Our church has been going through an "awakening" or a revival of sorts. We have entered a season of warfare that is keenly felt! You leave with a sense of urgency and determination. When the prayer chain e-mails come to the inbox you feel the call to arms on behalf of your fellow troup members-- you engage in battle- front line battle. Without a doubt...we know we are in the throws of a spiritual war.

As I was thinking about the fact that "we battle not with flesh and blood but with powers, rulers and principalities"... my memory drew me back to my college days when I was a huge Carman junkie! That man could just tell a story that would stick with you for a lifetime!

As pastor was talking about the battleship, I could hear a line from Carman's song Revival in the Land run through my mind...."Attention all saints of God! Man your battle stations!!"

If I can get the you tube video to link up here, I'd like to share one of my favorite Carman songs with you!

Looks like you will have to go to this link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UoBS3bREBaQ&feature=related

Dawn

In search of the Anchor that Holds

2008-07-15T05:15:00.000-07:00

I woke up early this morning. That is a rare thing for this work-a-holic insomniac who likes to burn the midnight oil. I woke up with a song on my heart.

Have you ever woke yourself up singing in your head?? Then all day long that song is STUCK in your head? Depending on the song, I sometimes wonder if that could be the whisper of God speaking directly to our spirit.

This morning I woke up with this song running through my heart and mind:

MIGHTY TO SAVE (by Hillsong Australia)

Everyone needs compassion
A love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
A kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations

Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is Mighty to save
He is Mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

So take me as You find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus

I have to admit, with all the songs that have ever been stuck in my head, this tops the list! You have to agree that it sure beats, "this is the song that never ends, and goes on and on my friend...". I think all parents would agree!

So back to waking up early with a song on my heart...

I went and made some coffee, grabbed my Bible and sat down at the dining room table to read. Recently I shared that I have felt lost, sort of drifting away into nothingness, and emotionally disconnecting and distancing myself from people. My one prayer this morning was "God, help me find that anchor!!"

I really felt drawn to the book of Ephesians this morning. The book of spiritual warfare...that sounded exactly like prescription I needed! Antibiotics have nothing on scripture when it comes to killing an infection of the heart and soul.

After years of reading scripture, unless I am in deep STUDY mode, I tend to just skim over the long lists of genealogies, and the basic introductions and move to the heart of the message.

But this morning was different. I was absolutely DRAWN to how Paul introduced himself to the Ephesian church. How he acknowledged their faithfulness...and right there in the first chapter introduction was the ANCHOR I was looking for. It was something I have always known, but I sure needed the refreshing reminder!!

Ephesians 1:22-23
...and He has put all things under His feet and has appointed Him [Jesus] the universal and supreme head of the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all [for in that body lives the full measure of Him who makes everything complete, and who fill everything everywhere with Himself.]

What is the ANCHOR? The church. The body of Christ. The people God himself has surrounded you with in a local body of believers. His promise to us is that the FULL MEASURE of Himself is found within those people through spiritual gifts and the ministry of the Holy Spirit.

No wonder the Bible tells us not to forsake the assembling of ourselves together!

Confession: physically I have not forsaken my local body of believers. But emotionally, I have secluded my heart behind walls thicker than the walled defenses of Jericho. Forgive me! For that I am truly sorry and I will work hard to overcome that emotional barrier.

Love, Dawn

Spiritually Lost...

2008-07-12T08:50:00.000-07:00

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Have you ever felt yourself drifting away from the things that anchor you and give you roots?

Mentally....emotionally....just drifting away?

Recently I have felt as if I have been drifting. In an attempt to get re-anchored, I found myself really pressing into prayer. With motherly concern for my children, I had a specific burden to be praying for them...deeper and with more ferver...with passion. I was grasping at straws when I went and bought a book called Prayers That Availeth Much for Mothers.

I was looking for something that could help me identify specific areas to pray about that may not have come to my mind concerning my children.

I started reading the introduction.

Thats when it happened...

The writer began using the scriptures on which she was basing her book and ideas...and before I realized what I was doing, the mental conversation in my head began...

"...blah, blah, blah...yada, yada, yada...."

WAKE UP CALL!!!

Did I just "...blah, blah, blah...yada, yada, yada...." the SCRIPTURE??

I sat the book down and began a real heart-to-heart with my Father God.

(This is probably a NO BRAINER... but I probably should have started there as opposed to some extra-biblical book's opinion!)

The more I prayed and confessed of my drifting condition, I strongly felt the Lord keep telling me, "DISCERN...DISCERN...DISCERN."

I picked up the book again and re-read what had sent me into the pit of sarcasm so quickly.

I went from thinking that I was completely spiritually LOST to thinking that maybe...just maybe... the context in which she was using the scripture was just THAT repulsive to me. Maybe it was discernment that just rejected what she was saying? (...and a gentle nudge that I should probably work on my use of sarcasm!)

I will quote the book in blue so as not to confuse it with scripture (red letters), or my opinions in normal black text....

There are many different types of prayer, such as a prayer of thanksgiving and praise, the prayer of dedication and worship, and the prayer that changes things (not God). All prayer involves time and fellowship with God.

WHAT!!??!! Back up a minute!! The PRAYER that changes things..NOT GOD?? You've got to be kidding me!

Prayer, apart from GOD, changes nothing...the GOD who hears our prayers changes everything!

Why in the world would someone go to such lengths as to actually spell it out that prayer (not God) changes things?

The prayer, in and of itself, is just words of expression from our hearts. In faith we offer those prayers to God and He responds to our prayers....which brings me to my next beef with the book!

Again, quoting from the book:

In 1 Timothy 2 we are admonished and urged that petitions, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be offered on behalf of all men (1 tim 2:1 AMP). Prayer is our responsibility. Prayer must be the foundation of every Christian endeavor. Any failure is a prayer failure.

Excuse me??

Be angry and sin not....Be angry and sin not....Be angry and sin not....Be angry and sin not.... ok, I needed to meditate on that one before I opened my mouth without my brain in gear!

Any failure is a prayer failure.

So any prayer that is not answered just the way we prayed it, is a failure to pray correctly on our part? Or does not God have the authority to tell His children NO? or wait?

That just reeks of a two year old throwing a tantrum and demanding their own way, all in Jesus' name, of course. It reminds me of a song we used to sing in church a long time ago that that just sent ice through my veins... the song proclaimed, "Answer us! Answer us! Send your fire, send your rain, Answer us!"

Again, it all brought back visions of a spiritual temper tantrum to my mind. Besides, if we are demanding God to send the fire and rain, is it possible that we are truly not asking in the right spirit anyway??

The book of James ,the Bible says, "You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures."

It is possible for us to ask something of God and get no response. That is not a problem of prayer or a failure of prayer...that is God being merciful and giving us opportunity to see the selfishness of our own hearts and the wrong motives we entertain...and the chance to repent and pray in accordance to God's will-- not our own.

I really have a hard time when I see people get abused spiritually with a name-it-claim-it, blab-it-grab-it theology. It really turns God into a puppet on a string who dances at our commands. It seems the lines of authority get confused in that kind of theology...and nothing could be further from the truth. God does not answer to us. He responds to us. He responds sometimes with a yes, sometimes with a no...and often with WAIT.

When we start demanding that God answer us, we may find ourselves perfectly humbled before Him as we place our hands over our mouths and LISTEN to Him for a change. Brad always says that the Bible tells us to humble ourselves before the Lord...because if HE has to humble us it wont be pretty!

OK...I will climb off my soap box for now. I just needed to rant.

I think this all hit me at a hard time this week. I had one horrific doctor's appointment this week. I always wondered if the day would come when a doctor would start a countdown on my life expectancy. And it did.

The doctor explained to me that my body is at an extreme standoff with itself. (no schitzo jokes, Tami!!).

The Lyme disease has really damaged my thyroid, pituitary gland and the hypothalmus...all hormone regulating, necessary parts for the body to metabolize food and my medications.

My metabolic process is NOT working. That means my body is not fully receiving the benefits of the Lyme treatments because my body is not metabolizing the meds...and the food metabolic issue is leading to weight gain (oh joy thats what I need!)

She and my Lyme doc feel we need to approach this with a 2 tiered approach. They suggested a bariatric weight loss surgery to drop some quick weight so that will drastically change the metabolic rate and possibly kick it into gear so that the antibiotic regimin will be effective against the bacterial infection of Lyme.

I guess it is like giving a car a jump start with jumper cables.

She said if we don't get the metabolic standoff cleared up, I will not be here this time next year.

So the medical opinion is out... they give me 12 months to live if we cannot get the metabolic system working again.

So I am free-falling into the hands of God...there are no more capable hands than HIS.

Insurance will not cover the surgery.

So I am trusting God to heal me or provide a way where there seems to be no way... knowing full well he may say yes, no, or WAIT.

In the mean time... we are doing what we can physically by starting an exercise program and changing eating habits...but both docs have little hope it will help since the infection is in the metabolic system...they emphatically are pushing surgery.

Between the insurance company and a God who answers prayers, I tell you where my faith is placed!!

God alone is ABLE!

Sorry for rambling all over the place today! It just aggrivates me when people place their faith in prayer rather than in the GOD who answers prayer. We should be careful to place our faith and trust in GOD himself...our prayers are nothing without HIM!

Blessings,
Dawn

Fingerprints ...part 2

2008-06-14T23:18:00.000-07:00

Hi Dad!
It's time for my video slide show for you. I had a lot of fun making this and had many great memories flood my mind as I went through the photos! You were the best kind of father ever! And if it is true, what the psychologists say about women seeking out men who remind them of their fathers, I did a great job in marrying Brad! Thank you for always believing in us and in all the help you and Gaynel have given us over the years with the medical roller coaster we have been on!

I hope you have a wonderful Father's Day and that you know how much we love and appreciate you!! We will see you next weekend for your birthday!! Thanks for going to church with us on that Sunday. I want to show you off!!

Enjoy the slide show!

Permanent Fingerprints on My Heart ...left by my Dad

2008-06-14T17:49:00.000-07:00

Fingerprint [fing-ger-print]: noun/
any unique or distinctive pattern that presents unambiguous evidence of a specific person, substance, disease, etc.

There are many sayings that refer to a child's likeness to their parents:

You are a chip off the old block!

That apple did not fall far from the tree!
...and many more.

My sister and I have been working hard over the last 2 weeks scanning photos and trying to find the perfect song to put a slide show together for our dad. As we spoke about all the photos and the memories that were attached to one...it was clear to see that our dad, Mikel Conner, has left permanent fingerprints on our hearts and lives.

We found ourselves making comments like , in that photo he has "the Mikel Conner stare!" .... meaning he was expressing "the look" we were all to familiar with when we had shocked, surprised, or exasperated him! It was the lowered head, with the eyes looking at you straight way over the tops of his glasses... it was a look we saw often and still giggle about today when my sister and I see each other in parenting trials...and inevitably one of us says to the other, "You just gave that child "the Mikel Conner" look!

...And it is still quite effective after all these years!

My sister and I have pulled some photos of our favorite memories of dad and have put them to music. My sister found a poem that she liked and wanted to share with my dad. So I am going to post her slide show and the poem for her.

So dad, this one is from Tami's heart to you:

Dad

by Kit McCallum

I know it's not often enough I share with you Dad;

Seems long ago, when I was young;

I looked to you for guidance and love;
I listened to you; Relied on you;
And craved for your attention.

And as I grew, you stood patiently behind me,
Allowing me to stretch my wings; Test the waters,
And make my mistakes.

Thank you for loving me as you do;
Enough to let me take a fall While you waited in the sidelines;
Enough to watch quietly As I matured and learned.

It may not be often enough I share with you Dad;

But thank you for being the father that you are;
A father whom I am proud of
... A father I can still turn to for guidance and love
... No matter how old I really am.

(Technical difficulty loading my file...so I will try again this afternoon...SORRY!)

Selling the Concept of Virginity to a Sex Crazed Culture

2008-06-07T17:46:00.000-07:00

Ok... I had to laugh when Brad told me this story this afternoon! I even went home to double check the facts on the web to see if was SERIOUS! With his humor, sometimes you just cant tell!

So here's the story... The Christian, abstinence-based purity program, TRUE LOVE WAITS, has marketed their slogan to K-Mart for affordable merchandising options for teens.

I will post some of the catalog photos... this is for real! LOL!

Can you imagine why we might have a hard time selling the concept of virginity to our teens with a message like this?? Seems a bit like a mixed message don't you think!??!

So who wants to rush out and buy this TRUE LOVE WAITS slogan to plaster across your daughter's back side? Since when did butts become billboards? I guess that is a good marketing strategy! It can surely draw an eye of an interested young man... but to sell the concept of purity...?? Come on!!

Sometimes you just have to scratch your head and walk away.... what are we thinking??

Who is the girl supposed to hope gets the message??

Anyone wanna share some thoughts on this one??

Dawn

Grateful for Pastor's Ponderings

2008-06-03T07:39:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned yesterday... I am on a roll!

I am finding as I look through these photos albums that I have so many memories and so many feelings that I simply cannot put words to. And if I were to try, I would only mis-speak, stammer or put my foot in my mouth as in typical Dawn-like fashion!

So I am finding these music slide shows a good way to express what is in my heart without messing up with my words.

My pastor has been an integral part of our life-- he's like family.

In the (almost) 10 years we have been in this church, he has baptized my husband, all 3 of my children, prayed and cried with us through the loss of 7 babies in pregnancy, the death of brad's father and some other deeply wounding experiences.

We have a motto in our church..."we are doing LIFE together!"

Boy howdy! We've given him lots of LIFE to deal with! Pastor David is a sophisticated, slightly balding man, and I am most certain that our family has contributed greatly to the number of hairs on his head that have either turned gray or turned loose!

I have lost count of the life lessons that Pastor David has taught me that has changed the course I was going. These were life-changing lessons. He has seen me at my worst... He steered me through times of deep seated legalism that I needed to break free from. He has navigated me through "the valley of the shadow of death" where I teetered on slippery slope of losing hope... his words, his guidance, his prayers...and his constantly pointing back to Jesus has anchored me.

So as I was looking through more photos last night, I though I would make a video slide show as a tribute to my pastor.

There is a line in this song that really rings true for me where Pastor David is concerned. "Cheer up church...you are worse off than you think. But don't despair, do not fear, His grace is near."

Pastor has seen me in what I thought was my worst state ever-- but he was able to see far beyond the place where I thought I was ...and instinctively knew I was far worse off that what I was able to discern at that time. He is a true shepherd... he never scolded me. He never doubted me... He simply encouraged me to never forget the GRACE of God in all circumstances.

Pastor David is keenly aware that the congregation he shepherds in not HIS sheep, but GOD's sheep and he pastors us with a great stewardship of knowing that we belong to God.

So this one is for Pastor David...

Love, Dawn

PS...you should read his blog at www.pastordavidkerr.blogspot.com !!

A Tribute to My Husband: The Leader of the Band

2008-06-01T21:30:00.000-07:00

OK...so I am on a roll. I am not sure why mixing family photos and memories to music has been very therapeutic lately...but it really has!

Tonight I spent some time thinking about my husband and how grateful I am for his never-ending devotion to our family. I have thought about how much of his life has been involved in mentoring and training other musicians. He is on his 3rd generation of musicians in the church who he has led, trained and discipled.

As I was looking through my photo albums and picture files, I came across photos of people that Brad has been directly involved in their musical training and/or leadership training. He truly has a living legacy of people he has shared his gifts with!

I have always heard Brad tell stories of those stolen moments of deep conversations with his father- things he still quotes to this day-- and just how significant a role his dad played in his life just by being available.

I know without a doubt that my husband would not be the man he is today if it had not been for the man his father raised him to become.

Generations will reap what my Mother and Father-in-law have sown into their 14 children!

I am forever grateful to the man who only had a third grade education and taught his "baker's dozen" more life lessons, manners, ethics and a vibrant faith in GOD than many a college educated person that felt there were better things to do than talk with children.

Of his 14 children, the majority all went on to higher education and professional careers and have happy and healthy families. My in-laws have 36 grandchildren!

I am just so very proud that Brad has so much likeness of his father. His character is pure gold.
I would like to share my husband and his heart with you. As you watch this slide show, you will see many of the people that Brad has invested his life. He is living a life well spent!

I love you Brad!

Forever, Dawn

In My Daughter's Eyes

2008-05-31T20:18:00.000-07:00

I am trying my hand at making home videos again... this time I started thinking of all my daughter has come through and overcome and decided to make a video about her life and what she means to me.

Hope you enjoy her life as much as I do!!

Love, Dawn

Lost & Found: An Ode to My Back Bone

2008-05-15T22:12:00.000-07:00

Well, summer is nearly upon us and I am not sure how this story will begin....

1. Once upon a time... or
2. It was a dark and stormy night...

If I have to be honest both answers may apply!

After my new found back bone growing stronger each day, I can see that this might be the fairy tale summer I always dreamed of...

Unfortunately for my kids, with my new found back bone, their summer may have a foreboding sense of ..."It was a dark and stormy night..."

In my attempt to curb my frustrations, I have chosen to use humor/satire to try and laugh some of this off... It is a work in progress though!

I have drawn great inspiration from 2 very influential men in my life... Martin Luther and Stephen Colbert!

These men had quite creative ways of making their thoughts known!

1. Nail the message to the door
2. The ON NOTICE board!

So hear is my rough draft. I will have to pray and soften the rough edges BEFORE I deliver the message to the kids, but for now I am just going to deal with the RAW emotions. I trust that God will give me the family friendly version when the time is right.

Right now, I am just enjoying knowing that I DO have a back bone and it does work!

So here we go...

ON NOTICE:

To my dear, sweet, precious children:

I hope you will always know that my LOVE for you is unconditional...but my PATIENCE is not. So in the hopes that we can have a great summer together, I am putting a few ground rules in place.

I am your MOTHER and I love you more than words can say. I am NOT merely a "female parental unit" as you so sweetly informed me recently. But if you prefer a "female parental unit" as opposed to your mother, I have made a call to the military boarding school in Houston and they have two openings for the fall. Sergeant Kimberly Scott will be happy to be your "Female parental unit. "

You should thank your grandma. She felt I was being a bit extreme when the phone call from the military school came through. I had to stop and admit, I was bit surprised myself that I went so far as to make the phone call! So if a "female parental unit" is what you desire, I can make that happen with just a short phone call and a student loan for you both. I aim to please!

But should you decide to stay with your mother this summer, there will be some significant changes.

You are far too intelligent and gifted to wile-away-the-hours this summer.

We are blessed to be a blessing to others! So this summer, since we were unable to send you on the foreign mission trip you so desired, we signed you up for home missions instead. I know you will be pleased. We have made arrangements with some people from Thailand and/or China to send us some equipment that will make your home missions work be the best experience it can possibly be for you. These people have worked hard to provide you with the best tools available for home missions work. I know you will be thankful for their sacrifice on your behalf. You are so very sensitive and understanding that way.

I am so looking forward to the many things we can do together this summer! I was thinking that maybe we could celebrate the missions work you will be doing by trying different recipes over the summer from various countries... maybe some from Mexico, Italy, and even Mongolia!

By the way, yesterday when you told me to "screw dinner" and that you were going to bed, it made me realize that you were struggling with some grammar issues. But since it is so close to summer, we will just save that for the fall. But I do promise that I will help you with your grammar because I would hate for you to be embarrassed in public by the misuse of language. English is difficult, but I have full confidence in your ability to over come this deficit! You sure make your mom proud!

My dear children, since we are on the topic of dinner, I wanted to let you know that I will be working with some doctors in the medical mission field this summer. My availability to make home cooked meals, as I did last night, will not happen often. But I assure you, I will take some of the support money you receive for your missions work and be sure and fill the freezer with meals you can fix without my assistance.

I know you had big dreams this summer about studying various modes of transportation, but I am proud that you are setting your own wishes aside to serve others in home missions. It is possible that come fall time, as we work on your grammar skills, that we might reconsider your desire to study modes of transportation again. There is just so much to do and so little time! Besides, we should be mindful of our environmental challenges in the world today and all the struggles that are going on overseas concerning transportation. Maybe we should remember those who are effected with a moment of silence.

My dear, precious children, I hope you know that your summer-of-service will be greatly rewarded! You will be very satisfied with the pride that comes with learning a good work-ethic. Since the study of transportation may be delayed, I wanted to let you know that our friends from Thailand and China have sent a temporary gift to tide you over until fall. I hope that you will remember to send them a thank-you card. They do so much, with so little in return, to insure your happiness.

I am forever BLESSED to be your MOTHER.
I love you all so very much!

Love, Mom
pre-Summer 2008

She's leaving on a Jet Plane

2008-04-07T00:14:00.000-07:00

I made this home slide show for my family to have a montage of my niece who has moved to Germany to with her military husband.:

I hope this works....

Choose Your Battles (just need to rant)

2008-03-23T17:14:00.000-07:00

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I was always told these words of wisdom were the key to good parenting: CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES!

"They" say choosing your battles will help your prioritize what is essential and what is preferred...and it will help you understand the difference.

"They" say don't make everything seem so urgent....

I want to know who "THEY" is that has suddenly become an expert on parenting in my home!!

If I could meet "THEY" today I would greet them the laying on of hands, suddenly and with great force upon their face!

Today I think "THEY" is/are an idiot!!

Remembering the ideals and values of my lost motherhood of yesteryear:

There was a time when I had great ideals of how I thought children should be raised. I did not want the television to rule our lives. I did not want video junkies for children, I wanted polite, respectful, and service oriented children that would understand the needs of others...so as parents we would model those values.

Then came the fateful day when a friend asked if she could give our children a game station as a gift. My first instinct was to say no, but I told her I would talk to Brad about it. Just the mention of a game station in the house made Brad look like a child a Christmas! I softened on the idea and thought it would some good family time...but we still had some limits...no TVs in the bedrooms because we did not want the kids to withdraw from the family and go into their own world of video zombies.

CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES, "They" say!!

Looking back, with great regrets, I wish that would have been a battle I chose to engage !!

I now live with video junkie children who seem to have lost some basic human kindness skills.

I am beyond frustrated this week. It just seems there was one incident after another. I was angry at the children, I was angry at myself, I was ready to declare a week of Irons Family UN-PLUGGED!! But the thought of the battle that would ensue after such a declaration...I retreated back to nursing my frustration and wondered how to remedy this nightmare.

Just today...Easter Sunday... I had arguments with the children this morning just to get them off the computers and to help get the ladder from the van into the garage so that we could transport everyone to church. It was as if I were invisible and they did not hear a word I said. So I raised my tone a little louder and made sure we made eye contact so that I KNOW they heard my request...and like true little zombies, they turned right back to their video game as if in a complete daze.

This frustration was only compounded by the fact that Brad and I made it very clear to them the night before that we would be leaving EARLY for church the next morning because I was tired and frustrated at being late each week because they wont get off the computer in time to get dressed and leave when I tell them it is time to leave. I give 30 minute, 10 minute and 5 minute warnings that we will be leaving...to no avail. When it is time to go I tell them I will be out in the van warming it up and to meet me out there. Often times I wait 10-15 minutes on them to finish getting ready.

I am relieved that scenario did not repeat itself this morning... but it was a battle just to get them off the computer to help get the ladder out of the van. At any rate, I still arrived at church frustrated and angry that every single thing is such a battle!!

After church today my mother had prepared a wonderful and delicious Easter celebration dinner. I had spent time yesterday making a special table cloth for the occasion. So between mom and I there had been a lot of thought put into our Easter dinner for the family.

The kids, drawn like a moth to the flame, made their way to the computers to finish their game, or go to the next level. Mom was still working in the kitchen. I asked the kids to help me set the table and got the "sure mom, just a minute" response. 20 minutes later I asked again for help to set the table and they mumbled something else but did not budge.

I finally gave up. I did not want yet ANOTHER battle this Easter Sunday. So I told her to just leave the plates on the counter and when they were ready to eat they could eat.

Of course, this was NOT the plan that we had envisioned in our mind with our new purple and lace table cloth with the Empty Tomb scene on the table-- so mom and I took our plates to the living room and ate alone.

The living room was a mess and Brad started cleaning it... something he should not have had to do had the kids bothered to clean up after themselves and their friends who left their fast food stuff all over the place. When I did ask them to go clean the living room, they were securely stuck to the computer...which ensued another battle.

I am angry at them. I am angry at myself. This selfish behavior is not how we raised them. At times I really think their personalities have changed as they have become more and more addicted to their video games.

This afternoon after I had had a nap, I was ready to put the curtains up that I have been working on. I cannot reach the top of the 9 foot windows and climbing a ladder is not a real safe option for someone my size with the balance issues I have. So I asked one of the kids to take 5 minutes and climb the ladder and simply hang the rods on the hooks.

You would have thought I had asked for them to donate a kidney to their worst enemy!

I just wanted 5 minutes of their time...and it really only took 5 minutes after they argued for 10 minutes about not wanting to do it and finally consented to do the job.

I remember back to the time when I had the CONVICTION that tv and video games would not rule our lives...and now I wish that had been a battle I had engaged in with a fierce fight.

It was like the proverbial frog boiling to death in the water pot... it seemed innocent enough at first... but more and more everything I had once worked so hard to instill in my children seemed to have been lost over time as they became completely engaged in some virtual reality of their video games.

I miss my children... at least the one's I used to know.

Now I KNOW how horrible that sounds! So now mix guilt into the already existing anger and I am just DREADING summer when they will be home full time!

I used to feel sad for parents that could not stand to have their kids home all summer...as I really enjoyed being with my kids! Those days have long gone and now I feel bad that I am one of those parents that I used to feel sad for!

Some feel content to write this off as just a normal teen age thing...

I feel there is a far deeper issue of character that is at stake... and I am at a loss as how to turn this Titanic issue around.

I am in desperate need of a parenting overhaul!!

Dawn

Women Speak English, Men Hear (I don't Know What!)

2008-03-01T15:38:00.000-08:00

From the a very tender age of 13 I was trained in the skills of communication. I was a writer, yearbook editor, reporter and research fact finder.

These skills carried me through high school and on into college. I even had to turn down a scholarship to a prestigious communications school in New York due to tuition expenses...but I was accepted!

My whole life has been groomed to be a communicator. In college, I branched out of written communication into spoken communication with a minor in Drama/Speech. I learned a lot about visual communications.

If there had been a Pageant...surely I would have been named Miss Communications! (read mis-communications!)

For someone who makes a living at communication, you would think I would have a better grasp of the spoken language!

But no!!!!! Miss-communications are my specialty! (Much to my horror!)

I have never been one who could multi-task! It would confuse me to great lengths and I would end up messing up everything I was working on...so I have learned over the years that I should just remained focused on one task at a time...and everyone stays safe!

I should have followed my life rule of NOT multi-tasking this morning...

I was doing some final email communications with my writing staff before I left this morning for a meeting at church. I was showing Brad the new website that is being designed by one of my writer's father.

Some back ground info on my family: I have 3 children named Chris, Laura and Joshua.

It just so happened that the writer I was speaking of had the name of Laura too...

So when I looked at Brad and told him that Laura's father was going to help me with the website...I did not really understand the look of shock and horror that was on his face.

He looked rather stunned and said EXCUSE ME!!??!!

It that moment it was as clear as a bell that we were thinking of 2 different Laura's!!

I was speaking of my writer, he was thinking of his daughter!

Clearly I have a lot more to learn about this issue of communicating! I should never have tried to multi-task this morning!!

Once I cleared up the "family tree" confusion I immersed him in, I could not get past the irony of how someone can make a living at "communications" and still butcher it so unmercifully!!

So be careful when you multi-task! It might end up in your needing a DNA test to clear up any confusion you might have caused!

Learning to keep it simple....
Dawn

Defending the Indefensible

2008-02-08T23:46:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had one of those conversations with someone where you thought, "I can't believe I just said that..."

Maybe there was sort of a disappointment in yourself...
Or maybe disgust...yes, that might be the better word.

I sat here tonight with my 15 year old son and had a heart wrenching conversation.

Parenting just does not get any easier... parenting is NOT for cowards!

I feel sick inside. I just defended the INDEFENSIBLE.

It is hard to reason with a young man who is a philosopher at heart. He is a deep thinker. So for every response I had, Chris had a question that made me feel as if I were teetering on the slippery slope of "situational ethics."

They were good questions.... but in the end, all I could come up with as a solution was to agree with him that the situation he was facing was truly unjust, but that 2 wrongs don't make it right.

As a parent, I have trained my kids from the time they could walk and talk that parental authority is to be respected and obeyed. Not just their own parents (us), but also the parents of their friends.

That worked well at 4 years old when the big issues were "Take your shoes off at the door and please don't track mud on the carpet." That was to be respected an obeyed!

But at 15 years old, things are not so simple.

My son has a friend, a female friend-- that he is pretty close to. We don't really allow "dating" but we are okay with close and meaningful friendships.

His friend had invited him to her church one Wednesday night for a special youth event. He met the girl's mother. That is when the trouble started.

The next day Chris's friend called the house. She was upset. Her mother did not seem to like Christopher's "skin tone". (For those who have never met my husband and I, Brad is black and I am white.)

I must've looked confused as I began to think about this. This is a church going family. Christians. Did I hear that correctly? Did her mother really not like Chris's SKIN TONE?

Apparently this has been on Chris's mind a lot since that evening we found this out.

A group of the kids were going to see a movie at the mall tomorrow and Chris was going to need a ride home, so we asked him to see if her mother could bring him home. Partly, we wanted to meet her and see if there was not some misunderstanding. And secondly, we wanted to make sure her parents aware that Chris was going to be a part of this group at the mall.

We have taught Chris that it is important to respect parents. If the girl's mom was not aware that he would be there, then it would be somewhat deceptive, so we wanted to make sure she knew.

It soon became clear that they were planning on sneaking Chris into the group of friends without her mom knowing.

I spent a good amount of time tonight trying to explain, that even if the mom was wrong to judge someone by their skin color, she was still the girl's mother and needed to be respected.

That made absolutely no sense to him.

Chris has always been our child of JUSTICE. Things are very black and white to Chris (no pun intended).

So for him to be forced against his will to "respect" someone who was clearly in error just seemd a great injustice to him.

I tried explaining that as a child she still needed to obey her parents and their rules.

...and the hard questions came...

"If your father told you to have an abortion, would you obey?"

"No! That is a clear violation of God's law. You have to obey God rather than man in those circumstances."

"If all authority is to be respected and obeyed, was America wrong in breaking away from England on the basis of "freedom of religion"? Isn't that just rebellion?"

At this moment I wanted to play the "lyme brain" card and ask for mercy! I felt I was being trapped in a corner by expert legal cousel...and anything I might say might incriminate myself!

I felt TORN. I knew where he was going with this line of questioning. If racial discrimination is wrong...if there truly is no black or white, male nor female, jew nor gentile...and that we are all one IN CHRIST JESUS.... how could these Christian parents be respected for what was a clear injustice in his eyes.

Then I tried the Bill Clinton rationalization! I did not respect Bill Clinton as a man. But he WAS the President and I felt compelled to pray for him and always respect the office of the President--even if I did not respect the man.

He said, "Some things are just not worthy of respect".

on one level he is absolutely right...

But there is the adult side of me that has a bit more life experience and I know that NOTHING good could come of this friendship if it was built from the start on deceit, and rebellion to the authority of her parents. So I tried explaining...and everything I said sounded hollow --even to myself.

I found myself sitting there defending the indefensible...and I feel completely disgusted with myself.

As I sit here at my computer I am looking at a scripture verse I have taped at eye level on my desk. I keep this verse always before my eyes...I read it every day that I sit down and work...

Jude 1:21-23 (The Message version)

Staying right at the center of God's love, keeping your arms open and outstretched,
ready for the mercy of our Master, Jesus Christ, this is the unending life, the real life!

Go easy on those who hesitate in the faith.

Go after the those who take the wrong way. Be tender with sinners, but not soft on sin.
The sin itself stinks to high heaven.

Be tender with sinners, but not soft on sin... this takes an extra measure of GRACE. My pastor shared this verse with me a while back at a very disconcerting time when a close Christian friend had fallen into deep, destructive strongholds of sin.

It helps me to see all situations through a lens of mercy and grace...especially when my flesh just wants to lower the hammer of justice...

So for tonight...this sleepless night... I just need to seek God for grace and wisdom... only HE can make this situation come to anything good. My heart just aches... to see that there is still this kind of prejudice and ignorance in the church.

I just praise God that I have personally seen soooooo very little of this problem within the church. I just find it sad that it is there at all for those who profess Christ as Savior. God help us.

Gentle Disregard

2008-01-22T19:26:00.000-08:00

Gentle- easily handled or managed

Disregard - to pay no attention to; leave out of consideration; ignore

I used to have a friend that was a POWERHOUSE of "personality plus!"

She was determined, confident, had strong leadership capabilities and she was very persuasive. She could probably sell a blind man a book! She was a force to be reckoned with!

So with that description in mind, I will call my friend "Katrina" (not her real name).

Katrina was the "life of the party" and she always was the one throwing the parties. She had hospitality down to a fine art...and was darn good at it!

I spent several years working on projects that Katrina was heading up. For all her glorious capabilities, she was a bear to work for!

She was also a perfectionist, impatient, and temperamental. The kind of person no one wants to work with.

I eventually saw her opportunities to serve and volunteer sort of get side-lined and those projects began getting assigned to new people.

She was hurt and confused as to why the sudden changes...as no one had ever mentioned having a problem with her (at least not to HER.)

There was a time when someone would ask me to work on a project, and much to my shame, my first question was, "Is Katrina working on this project?" If she was, I would look for other opportunities to volunteer. I did not want to work with her. It was hard, very unpleasant, as I felt I could never please her...and she was impatient...I tend to work slower than most.

There even came a time when my best friend and I began to use the term "Katrina-ed" as a word to describe someone who had been passed over for a promotion, set aside, or generally disregarded or ignored.

When a friend did not get the audition she was going for, or the promotion she thought she had, we would say, "I'm sorry you got Katrina-ed".

So in other words, to be gently disregarded meant that you got "Katrina-ed"

Boy, this sounds much WORSE now that I am actually reading about my harsh behavior!
YIKES!!

But as sowing and reaping is a law of the universe, it comes back to bite you!

I recently encountered a situation where there was a mass call for volunteers. I volunteered.

My husband later explained how the situation would be handled and that the committee wanted to go another way with how they would use volunteers. He was gently letting me know they did not need my help.

My first thought was , "OH NO! I've been Katrina-ed!!"

I started feeling guilty about my old friend Katrina. I almost felt sorry for her! Then a really disturbing concern came over me....had I become the NEW Katrina?

OH NO!!

Is there a way to deprogram this awful effect?
Had I offended someone and they never told me?

Will I forever be gently disregarded or "Katrina-ed" in this place? Have I been "retired" as being no longer useful?

WOW...I feel the need to apologize and seek forgiveness from my old friend. Does anyone know how or where I can find Katrina anymore?

I owe her an apology and a hug...

Dawn

Timeless Friendship

2008-01-11T21:58:00.000-08:00

I was seven years old when I walked into Mrs. Webber's 2nd grade class in 1977. We had just moved to Austin from Plano, Texas and I did not know a soul in the world at this new school.

Her name was Tracy. She was the first child in the class to reach out to me with a gesture of friendship...and at 7 years old, who knew the friendship would carry us all the way through high school graduation!

It is notable that the friendship stayed strong for so long, but what is more notable is the circumstances in which that friendship grew. I moved a lot as a child so I went to several different schools growing up, yet Tracy and I always kept in touch. She lived in the same house at graduation as she did when I met her in second grade! To this day I still remember the phone number I had memorized at 7 years old...

So for all of my moving around, Tracy was always in the same place and I knew where to find her. And we never went to the same school after 5th grade...but we were as close as sisters ever could be...she was that kind of friend!

It seems after graduation from high school that our paths crossed less and less...and then I went off to College Station and she went off to college too...and somehow we just lost touch.

I had though about her many times over the years.

Several years ago my mom (an avid reader of the death notices in the newspapers of DFW and Austin) called me and let me know that she had read a notice that Tracy's mother had died. The newspaper had Tracy's married name listed and I made a bee line for the telephone to call the funeral home and see if I could get a message to Tracy.

I was desperate to contact her and share my condolences. But I never made the connection with her.

So a few more years past and I looked her up on classmates.com and would leave her email messages. But if the person you are writing is not a paid subscriber they do not get to READ the messages.

I was getting no where quickly in my attempts to find my long lost friend Tracy.

Tonight I was sitting at my desk closing down my work for the week -- this had been deadline week on the newspaper and I was ready for the weekend! I was logging out of work and onto my favorite vegging out computer game...time for some fun!

My cell phone rang (business cell) and I looked at the number, unknown area code so I figured it was a business call and debated whether to answer it.... I just lost the game on the computer, so I opted to answer the phone call.

"Hello?"

"May I speak with Dawn?"

"This is Dawn."

"Dawn this is Tracy. " (She said her last name and quickly followed it with her maiden name!)

You should have heard the shrill squeal as I shouted,"Oh my goodness!"

My mom came from the other room thinking there was something wrong as I was tripping over myself trying to get to the other room to make sure I heard the person on the phone correctly!

IT WAS TRACY!!

After several years of leaving a message for her at classmates.com, I guess she became a member and was finally able to read my messages and I had left my phone number!

You would have never known that 20 years had elapsed since the last time we saw each other or spoke on the phone! It was as if time just dissolved away 20 years of distance and our conversation picked up where we left off 20 years ago as if no time had passed at all!

I found myself sharing things with Tracy that I have shared with few friends. Talking with her was as comfortable and natural to me as it was almost 31 years ago when we first met!

We talked for hours tonight! I am so excited I can hardly sleep!

She invited me to come spend a weekend with her in Colonial Williamsburg, Virginia!
I told her I would look into the cost of flights and see if we can plan a weekend reunion in the Spring!

I am just giddy!!!!

I found my long-lost friend and truly learned that a real friendship is TIMELESS!

Love, Dawn

Where Theology End and Faith Begins

2007-01-07T15:13:00.000-08:00

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the·ol·o·gy - [thee-ol-uh-jee] –noun
1. the field of study and analysis that deals with God and of God's attributes and relations to the universe; study of divine things or religious truth; divinity.

faith - [feyth] –noun
1. confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another's ability.
2. belief that is not based on proof: He had faith that the hypothesis would be substantiated by fact.

For those of you who know me, and know me WELL, you know that I love to learn. Give me any topic that strikes interest in my heart and I will devour the subject as far as I can study it. Some of you are laughing...because you know me! When I read through Proverbs I took to heart the passage that said, "With all of your wisdom gain understanding!" One of my most basic needs as a human being, besides wanting to be loved, is the desire to UNDERSTAND the people, circumstances and sitautions around me.

This leads to that fatal flaw in my character of always wanting to know the reasons why! There were times where wisdom would override the need for understanding and say, "don't even ask!"

Remember the famous scene in A Few Good Men where Tom Cruise shouted, "I want to know the truth!" and Jack Nicholson shouts back, "You can't handle the truth!!" There is a lot of truth in that! For now we see through a glass dimly, we know in part...but then we shall be fully known. Some knowledge is too great for our comprehension.

Well...as my nature would have it, I've been thinking again lately. My pastor is about to start a sermon series over the Beatitudes, which makes me think even deeper still. I have found myself in circumstances this past week that caught me off guard. A Girl Scout, I am NOT! I was not prepared for this! Lately I am just trying to get one fire put out before another fire starts and I find myself in an inferno while Smokie the Bear looks at me with great dissapointment on his face! LOL!

There is a lot of reflection that occurs at the end of year and as a new year begins. And this is what has been heavy on my heart and mind...so I find myself writing this blog just to talk it out in my mind...with my favorite friends in the "peanut gallery" to shoot spit wads at me if I go off the beaten path...or say something stupid!

I am having a battle of theology and faith.
My mind knows the doctrine, line upon line, precept upon precept...
But my heart studders and stumbles...

Remember the analogy of a person knowing the facts of how many people have gone over Niagra Falls in a barrel? That is the "Theology of Niagra falls"...but knowing the facts does not mean a person is willing to get in the barrel themselves and prove the facts out.

So I find myself in this mental conundrum concerning many things: healing, the abundant life, faith, being content in all circumstances, mourning...

HEALING: My heart grows strength in reading the verses on healing. My mind knows the theology of healing, and my heart knows the reality of healing. Just this morning God reminded me during our worship service that He came to heal. I looked on the platform and there were 2 men, Aaron Lott and Don Swackhammer, that are close friends of our family that we have literally been at their bedsides at what looked to be a time of their last few days on earth...to see God raise them up and and defy all medical wisdom and expectations. My faith that God can heal us is still strong.

There are even times during this lengthy illness that I have had perfect peace and felt quite abundantly blessed...content in the midst of the storm. But then something so very unexpected hit me this last week out of nowhere, and I could no longer SPELL peace! It was like metaphorocally being hit with a baseball bat unaware. I SCREAMED ""OUCH!!!"" And was sort of dazed for a few days. It took a while for the stars to go away so I could see clearly! I've got a few "bruises" and sort of walk with a limp...but I find I am settling back into a place of peace. I may get a nervous twitch when someone talks about baseball...but over all I am settling in again and finding peace in this new circumstance. I just hate that my close friends saw me SCREAM OUT IT PAIN when I was hit with the bat. Do any of you walk gracefully through things like that? I have experience walking through these situations, I just wish I was more graceful at the initial strike of the bat! I find I have a little bit of Tyler Perry's "Madea" hidden very close under the surface of my skin! LOL!

Through this illness I have mourned many things...the loss of a life I once knew, the abilities I once had, the relationships I had with my kids have drastically changed, my "place" in our home has been re-defined. I remember ME, but then a sad realization comes over me that THAT person is no longer who I am. Now trying to find contentment in this is a bit harder. I dont want to lose faith that that part of my life will be returned to me, but I don't want to lose NOW by longing over what is lost and missing what I have here and now. The Dawn that I remember has died to some extent...and I miss her and what I had in that life. I mourn that loss. I am learning this new Dawn daily, but does embracing this new situation mean I lose faith of ever recovering? I don't want to be double minded. I know I am to have an abundant life here and now. So do I forget those things that lay behind and press ONWARD with this new life? Does accepting this new situation and finding contentment here mean I've given up on healing?

This is where my theology and my faith and are at a stand-off...I don't know what to do or how to respond.
Common sense tells me this is where I am TODAY...accept it and make the most of it...bloom where you are planted. If I keep looking back at lost abilities, etc, I will miss what I CAN do today. But is that accepting defeat?

I am at the end of myself. I heard this song on the radio and it really spoke to my heart:

Resurrection by Nicol Sponberg

Here I am at the end

I'm in need of resurrection

Only You can take this empty shell

and raise it from the dead

What I've lost to the world

what seems far beyond redemption

You can take the pieces in Your hand

and make me whole again, again

You speak and all creation falls to its knees

You raise Your hand and calm the waves of the raging sea

You have a way of turning winter to spring

Make something beautiful out of all this suffering

That is my heart cry!! MAKE SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL OUT OF ALL THIS SUFFERING!!!
I think of the beatitude "Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted..." I can honestly say that I have never felt so close to and HELD by the Lord than during these trials...so I know that comfort in the mourning...I just wish for the sake of my witness to my friends that I can learn to respond a little more gracefully when being hit by the bat! LOL!

Remember the poem we all learned as a child...Casey at the bat? In this scenario of being beaten with the bat by Satan, I am blessed to be able to say that with the Sovreign hand of God upon me, and the blood of Christ that covers me....as the poem said....Satan HAS STRUCK OUT!!

my paraphrase...

With Jesus in this favoured land the sun is shining bright,
The band is playing somewhere,
and somewhere hearts are light;
And somewhere men are laughing,
and somewhere children shout,
But there is no joy in hell tonight—Satan has struck out!!

Cats...Do we HAVE to love them???

2006-12-14T08:54:00.000-08:00

I received this photo and note from my sister and I just had to share it! LOL!

Tami wrote:

Attached please find proof positive that the cats in my house rule the roost! Meet Isis, Shannon's (my oldest daughter) cat...This little lady thinks she is so important that she knocked the star off the top of the tree and replaced it with her very own butt!

Also, please meet Lola (yellow bird), Jade (green bird) & Skye (blue bird)...they are the parakeets trapped in the cage directly in Isis' line of vision...poor babies!!

Merry Christmas Y'all!!
Tami

Adoption...well, kind of!

2006-11-30T14:16:00.000-08:00

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Several years ago, Brad and I began the adoption process to adopt a pair of siblings that were in state custody for abuse and neglect. During the process I encountered another miscarriage. Due to the miscarriage, the state considered the miscarriage to be a "death in the family" and it caused the adoption process to be halted for a year.

That was very devestating to us and the children. We already had photos of the girls we were in the process of adopting on the fridge. Kenya and Sabra were going to be part of our forever family...but the adoption process desintegrated in the midst of the miscarriage. After the year was up, and we were eligible to start the process again, Sabra and Kenya were already adopted out and we decided that it was just too traumatic of an experience to go through again.

As I look back on that time, almost 4 years ago, I see how sometimes that God answers our prayers in ways that were not expected. We prayed to be adoptive parents. Yet today, as I look around my house, I see children all over the place! Only 3 belong to us, but the rest of the kids have adopted US as a family! Yes, they have their own family and their own parents, but due to schedules and what not, these kids are mostly left alone...so I find many a neighborhood kid calling me "mom".

Just today I went to pick Laura up from school early due to the weather. When I arrived in the office one of the neighborhood kids was sitting in there and asked me to take him home. I told him to get his mom's permission and I would be glad to take him home. The school was unable to reach her. He had been in the office since noon and it was almost 3:30 by this point. The child had been suspended and no one could contact a parent. Reluctantly the secretary just told me to sign him out and take him home since they could not reach a parent and it was close to the end of the school day. I felt sort of sad for the kid!

I picked up both he and his brother and took them home. He asked me to wait to make sure he could get in the house as he had forgotten the key. He went in and his parents were asleep. They work night shift. Aparantly they had slept through the phone calls from the school. So he asked if they could come to our house. I brought them home and one of my kids announced that it was one of the brothers birthday! So we all gathered around and sang Happy Birthday to the younger one. I asked Brad to give the older brother a "father" conversation about his being suspended from school and see what was going on with him personally.

Just last week these same boys were over at the house while we were decorating the Christmas tree. It seems as though they have just assimilated right into our family! They are over almost every day after school and most nights we have to run them off to go home and eat dinner or make them leave by 8 or 9 PM...because if we did not make them leave, I'm not sure they would! We've never even gotten a phone call from their parents looking for them. So we figured if they have adopted us as a second family, we may as well exert some family influence over them!

Several months ago we began inviting the boys to the youth group's 5th quarter parties once a month at our church. They also began going with us on Wed. nights. A few weeks ago the younger brother gave his life to the Lord at youth group. Since then he has been calling on Sunday mornings to see if he can get a ride to church for Sunday as well. He gets himself up and ready and walks to our home for a ride to church. In one sense it really breaks my heart that his parents are not involved more in this part of his life, but I see this is an opportunity to pull his parents in!! His parents obviously trust us, so this will be a way we can reach his parents through the children!

My daughter has also befriended a girl who is in desperate need of a "family" as well. Katie has also sort of just melded into the woodwork of the Irons family home. Recently we had Laura's 13th birthday party where had a "makeover" party. After it was all over, the adults that were still there all wanted to pray over Laura. So we put Laura in a chair and we all gathered around her. We layed our hands on her and prayed prayers of blessing over her. It was not long before Katie ran out of the room and locked herself in the bathroom. It took almost 45 minutes to coax Katie out of the bathroom. When she emerged she had a tear streaked face and was nearly hyperventilating. I gave the girls time to talk with her and when things seemed to have calmed down some I popped in and asked if they would all like to go for a cappacino. I asked Katie if everything was okay and her eyes started to well up with tears again...all she could manage to say is, "I have never seen anyone loved like that."

So as I look at the landscape of my home these days, my family is still just 3 biological children...but the prayers for adoption have been answered in a way I never dreamed was possible. These extra kids that adorn our home seem to have adopted us. On any given day when I pick my oldest son up at school I am also picking up 4 other kids who seem to also live at our house on a regular basis! Our family is much larger than biology can claim! I find I genuinely love these kids. They have real issues in their lives and more than anything they just want a family that will be involved...and they seem to have chosen us...and for that I am grateful for the role we can play in their life today...and hopefully ETERNALLY!

Dawn

Thank You

2006-11-11T09:08:00.000-08:00

Remembering the Sacrifices of Our Military Veterans

I found this photo to be particularly moving.
I was torn somewhere between tears and disgust.

It is often said that the opposite of LOVE is not hate, but rather APATHY and INDIFFERNECE.

Love and hate are both passionate emotions...and apathy and indifference are the opposite.

As I watch my 14 year old son, becoming quite a Young Man, wear his military uniform for the Air Force ROTC, I recall the times I spent with him when we homeschooling discussing patriotism.

Christopher really understood and took to heart, even as a first grade child, the importance of involvement in being an American citizen. By the time he was in 4th grade he had personally written a letter to President George Bush about the federal court in California that ruled the Pledge of Allegiance to the American Flag was unconstitutional. He asked for the President to get involved and protect our rights to have UNDER GOD in our pledge. Christopher got a personal letter signed by the president back in the mail.

So as I look at this photo and see the apathy and indifference of the crowd, it breaks my heart. There is one man who seems to remember and recall a pledge he took as a child, as a veteran, as an American. It meant something to him. It was just 5 short years ago, after 9-11, that the FLAG meant something to Americans. There were even reports of people stealing flags because there was such ahigh demand for American flags that all retailers and manufacturers were sold out and could not keep up with the demand.

My how things have changed in just 5 years. I choose to remember and honor those who have chosen to serve in our military forces. When I say the pledge of allegiance, it really MEANS something to me. I have raised my children to know and believe that there are really only 2 good reasons to lay down your life.

1. For your faith in Jesus Christ. Choose death over renouncing your personal faith in Christ.
2. For the protection of America which gives us our freedoms to worship freely, freedom of speech, and our being a sovreign nation.

For all the great causes that are in the world today, I still find that there are really only 2 worth dying for.

I would like to thank those of you who have served our country to give us the freedoms we have.

Thank you, David Kerr
Thank you, Stan King
Thank you, Harry Huff
Thank you, Mel Sampley
Thank you, Mark Gomez
Thank you, Mark Bowman
Thank you, Pat Conner
Thank you, Jack Conner
Thank you, Russ Brown

...and for any I may have forgotten...THANK YOU!

It is the VETERAN , not the preacher,
who has given us freedom of religion.

It is the VETERAN , not the reporter,
who has given us freedom of the press.

It is the VETERAN , not the poet,
who has given us freedom of speech.

It is the VETERAN , not the campus organizer,
who has given us freedom to assemble.

It is the VETERAN , not the lawyer,
who has given us the right to a fair trial.

It is the VETERAN , not the politician,
Who has given us the right to vote.

It is the VETERAN who salutes the flag,
and the VETERAN who serves under the flag.

The Oath of Allegiance has no expiration date.
And God help us all when the American Flag becomes just a form of entertainment in a parade.
God BLESS those who honor and know the significance of the flag to our country and our veterans!

Go HUG a veteran today and say THANK YOU!!

Love, Dawn

A Disturbing Dream--revisited

2006-10-31T20:19:00.000-08:00

I had 2 friends ask me today, at different times, if I had been given any more insight into disturbing dream about the mammoth tree that looked vibrant, yet fell over DEAD.

This came on the heels of my husband telling me some very HEART BREAKING news for me about the church denomination in which I was saved. My heart just sank when I heard the news.

Read the AP article here to understand the rest of my post:
http://www.dfw.com/mld/dfw/community/15787248.htm

After reading this, my heart just ACHED. I felt almost sick inside.
I've been thinking about this all day...almost grieving, in a way.
It was like finding out that a close relative has been seriously injured and they are in critical condition.

It wasn't until I got home and there was an email from another friend asking about my tree dream that I went back and looked at the date I had the dream. I had the dream on OCT 17 and posted in my blog about the dream on OCT 18th.

Now I am NOT saying this is a "thus sayeth the Lord" kind of thing...but I did find it striking that this decision that was handed down by the Baptist Seminary hit the news in the Ft Worth Star Telegram on October 18...the very day AFTER the dream I had the night before.

So what does it mean?? I don't know! I don't even like the implications of what it could mean!
I owe a debt of gratitude to the Baptist church!! That is where I was born again at the age of 18. I never regret my baptist heritage!! But I shutter to think of what is going on in the heartbeat of the general convention.

I know very well the differences in denominations...but it was **IN** the baptist church that I was taught about the baptism of the Holy Spirit and received the baptism with evidence of speaking in tongues...so even this was a part of my baptist heritage!

I have been very disturbed in my spirit all day about this. I drank lots of coffee tonight because I do not look forward to sleeping tonight and possibly dreaming about what has been so heavy on my heart today!

I truly feel like part of my FAMILY in Christ is in severe danger!

This seminary president has fired faculty members who have received and practice this spiritual gift. The baptist international mission board is threatening to withdraw funding to their missionaries overseas who operate in this gifting. Letters have been written to churches basically telling them to "cease and desist" if their staff or members have a private prayer language.

I am still a bit shocked and stunned after hearing this today. I have NUMEROUS friends in leadership positions in the baptist church that are spirit filled with the evidence of speaking in tongues and I wonder what will happen to them. I know if faced with an ultimatum, there would be no decision to be made at all...they would never deny the gift of God and the power of the Holy Spirit moving in their personal life or their church.

I find it terribly disturbing that a denominational leader would dare threaten their members with excommunication from the church for practicing a biblical gift that operates in their prayer life...not just publically...BUT PRIVATELY!

I am no expert in the area of the judgment of God...but I truly fear for my Baptist FAMILY members. I cant even begin to imagine how one would explain to God that kind of HARSH treatment of the Children of God.

What is that old saying...Absolute power corrupts absolutely?

Does one man really have that much influence over an entire denomination and a general convention??

Is this really an issue worth devestating an entire church and denomination over? Paul said that it is the least of the gifts...but a legitimate gift...and even went so far as to warn the church to NEVER FORBID the speaking in tongues.

My heart is SICK with concern for the state of my "spiritual family of origin".

Scripture says the Fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom.
Is this what happens when the fear of the LORD is lost and the institution of man/denomination is exalted?

My heart is just SICK...sick...sick...with concern. I don't even know what to pray! I certainly DO NOT wish to see the judgment of God fall on the entire Baptist church!! They are part of my spiritual family!

I guess the irony of all is that scripture also says that when we do not know how to pray, the Holy Spirit will intercede through us with groanings to deep for words...I have found in those times, that is when I most earnestly pray in the spirit with my prayer language. So I will pray in the spirit for my Baptist brothers and sisters ...and pray God, in His great mercy will cover this situation with His divine intervention. I will also pray that God not destroy or bring judgment on an entire denomination for bad leadership decisions. I will pray in God's mercy that the leadership be removed...not the lampstand of the entire church!!

The Baptist Church surely is MAMMOTH in size, influence and power...and its roots go deep and to the core!
I shudder at the thought that my dream about the tree has anything to do with this situation...but if it causes me to PRAY in earnest for this situation--that can't be a bad thing, right?

I feel the need to stop by Cornerstone Baptist Church (but will probably write a letter instead), here in Arlington, and just give Pastor McKissic a huge HUG and thank him for standing on his conviction and the WORD of GOD...He is the lone voice on the board of trustees at the Seminary. He is not relinquishing his position either. He is much like Daniel in the lions den...he will need the Sovreign hand of God to navigate his terrain.

I guess I should quit dwelling on this and start PRAYING!

Taking my heartsick self to go pray now...

Love, Dawn

Still Dreaming the Dream

2006-10-31T15:35:00.000-08:00

"I have a dream that one day my children will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."

Martin Luther King, Jr.

I had a very frustrating experience today. I was on my way to take some cakes to the church for the annual fall festival and as I was driving through the school zone near our home I noticed some kids playing some dangerous games.

It appeared that they were playing truth or dare...or something of the like. There were three kids lined up on the very edge of the curb and as traffic began to get closer, some of the other kids would shove the kids standing onto the curb into oncoming traffic! I just knew someone was going to get hurt! I went a bit further down the road where another group of kids were standing and one kid was taking violin cases and sliding them across the road as cars were approaching! At that point I picked up my cell and called 911 thinking someone could get really hurt--the kids or the drivers...or maybe both.

I explained the situation to the emergency worker on the phone. Then the worker asked me if the kids were black or hispanic. That sort of caught me off guard as I sat there in stunned silence. The emergency worker asked if I was still there. I finally told them that the kids shoving the other kids into traffic were black, but the kids throwing the instruments across the street were WHITE.

I guess it just frustrated me that "black and hispanic" were the only choices offererd to me by the emergency personnel. Trust me...white kids can be idiots too!! I know...I was one!!

On one hand I KNOW the officers needed to know some identifying characteristics if they were going to stop and question some of the kids...but it just bothered me that they simply did not ask what race the kids were rather than just assuming they had to be black or hispanic!

I'd like to think we have come a long way since the DREAM was first spoken of by Martin Luther King, Jr. But there are days like today I wonder if I am just kidding myself. Even today when I went to vote at a city office, I looked at the free literature rack when I was leaving, and I know whoever left this was NOT given permission to do so, but there was a pamphlet about the local neo-nazi group looking for new recruits! I was torn between wanting to take it and trash it before some kid got a hold of it and being horribly embarrassed if someone saw me take it! UGH!!

I wonder what progress the lady above thinks our country has made. She is one of the original "Little Rock 9" who were integrated into Central High by order of the president and under protection of the national guard!

Are we making progress? I'd like to think so....but today, I stopped and really had to wonder.

Does it ever concern you that our police officers are trained to use their weapons at the following targets?

I don't know about you...but as the wife of a black man, I don't like knowing that police officers are trained to shoot at black targets!

How about we bless the police departments with human silhouetted purple-polka-dotted-targets.

Just something that crossed my mind today when I was asked if the kids were black or hispanic that were involved in the mischief today.

Dawn

A Disturbing Dream

2006-10-18T19:13:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last night that left me rather disturbed when I woke up.

I am one of those people who every now and then that has a dream that I am convinced is a "God Dream".

Some dreams I know are just bad pizza before bed...and those are pretty easily discerned. But THIS dream was NOT one of those dreams.

This was one of those "God Dreams". And what left me disturbed is that though I have these dreams, I am not quite the dream interpreter that Joseph was!

Oh, I can give it the old college try. And usually when I start to tell someone about my dream, God may enlighten me a bit about the meaning. But this dream still left me with very disturbed when I woke.

In my dream God brough me before a very HUGE tree. It was mammoth in size and just beautiful to behold. It was lush. What God pointed out to me in the dream was the very intricate root system of this tree. Not only could I see some of the roots that had made their way above the soil surface and shot out from the tree about 15 feet on either side, I was able to get closer to the tree and see about 6 feet beneath the surface of the ground at how deeply rooted this tree was into the soil. By all appearances, this was a very health tree.

As I stood back and took in "the big picture" of the beauty of this tree, it literally fell over dead.

DEAD!
...and I woke up.
...very disturbed by the dream.

I was telling Brad and the kids about my dream tonight after church. As I was telling them the details, I was reminded of Psalm One. So I grabbed my bible and read. It is about a tree (of sorts!)

Psalm 1

How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stand in the path of sinners,
nor sit in the seat of scoffers!
But his delight is in the law of the Lord,
and in His law he meditates day and night.
He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water,
which yield its fruit in its season
and its leaf does not wither;
And in whatever he does, he prospers.

The wicked are not so,
but they are like chaff which the wind drives away.
Therefore, the wicked will not stand in the judgment.
Nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.
For the Lord knows the way of the righteous,
But the way of the wicked will perish.

So are there any "Jospehs" in my group of friends that want to take a stab at the meaning of that one??

I prefer the dreams when I am swimming with the dolphins!

Blessings,
Dawn

What Can One Voice Do?

2006-10-03T13:43:00.000-07:00

A Call For Help

It was a dark and stormy night....

No, WAIT! That is the start of a fictional horror story! If only...

What the Lyme community has just been dealt in America is a crushing blow that is tanamount to a death sentence...and why? The pride and arrogance of a massive Goliath giant called the Infectious Disease Society of America (IDSA).

I am sending this out to all my friends and family desperately trying to raise awareness and to help you understand what is at risk. You may ask, "What can one voice do?" and I just want to challenge you...you'll never know until you try!

To fully understand the main problem I need you to first read this following article called "The Proof's in the Pudding" by Donna Reagan. She spells it out in easy to understand language (and humor) the problem between the IDSA doctors and the International Lyme and Associated Disease Society (ILADS).

This will lay the ground work for you to understand what was just released this week by IDSA is such a crushing blow to Lyme Disease patients.

This week IDSA releasedtheir new 2006 diagnostic and treatment guidelines for Lyme disease.

Va., Oct. 2 -- In response to growing concern and confusionabout Lyme
disease, the Infectious Diseases Society of America (IDSA) has updated its
Clinical Practice Guidelines on the disease, in order to provide guidance to
physicians and patients based on the latest scientific evidence.
The guidelines were originally published in 2000.The most significant changes in the updated
version include:
The addition of information on human granulocytic anaplasmosis (HGA)and babesiosis, two diseases transmitted by the same tick that transmits Lyme disease; Recommendations of a single dose of an antibiotic for certain high-risk patients who have been bitten by a tick but do not have symptoms of Lyme disease; Expanded discussion and definition of so-called "chronic" or post-Lyme syndromes.
The Guidelines, developed by an expert panel according to widely accepted criteria for evidence-based medicine, contain updated information on the epidemiology, clinical features and diagnosis of Lyme disease, according to Gary P. Wormser, Chief, Division of Infectious Diseases and Vice Chairman of the Department of Medicine, New York Medical College.
Dr. Wormser is lead author of IDSA's 2006 Lyme disease guidelines and chair of the
expert pane lthat developed the guidelines.
At a Glance.. .The Infectious Diseases Society of America has updated Guidelines to help physicians and patients in the diagnosis and treatment of Lyme disease... 95 percent of cases of Lyme disease are cured with 10 - 28 days of oral antibiotics... Long-term antibiotic treatment is not proven to be effective and maybe dangerous.
To be certain they get the proper medical care, patients who have lingering symptoms after proper treatment (those with so-called "chronic" Lyme disease) should ask their doctors if the
diagnosis was accurate or if they may have a different or new illness.

You may wonder why this is such a big deal. Let me explain...IDSA is comprised of 8,000 doctors. Lyme patients have had very little success in getting well under their treatment plan and most move on to ILADS doctors. There are about 200-300 ILADS doctors in America. These doctors have an amazing rate of getting people well and leading a much better quality of life than those who were previously treated under IDSA guidelines and remained sick.

The first danger of these new guidelines in that IDSA continues to deny the existance of Chronic late stage lyme disease. They say it is cured in 10-28 days of antibiotics.

Insurance coverage bases what they will cover on IDSA guidelines. So in the very near future Lyme patients all over the country are going to be experiencing a denial of coverage for the treatment protocols from ILADS doctors.

Lets look at some interesting evidence...

There are ILADS doctors that are willing to face medical boards and fight for their licenses becasue they know the treatment protocols they are using with their patients are working and patients are seeing great remissions and even cures after treatment. They are willing to completely lay their livlihood and future medical practice down to fight for the treatments that are working!

Do you think for one minute that a doctor would risk his career for a lie?

This reminds me of the old apologetics technique I learned in college when defending the faith. Remember the twelve disciples? Each one of them died a violent death, refusing to reject Christ and his teachings and claims of death, burial and resurrection. Do you think they would have willingly endured the deaths they experienced in order to protect a LIE? NO!! They fully believes, experienced first hand, and knew the testimony was TRUE...so they went to their death for the sake of the TRUTH...as are many ILADS doctors when facing the medical boards for daring to disagree with the great Goliath named IDSA.

IDSA cannot claim that they have seen any benefit of treating with long term antibiotics and seeing results because they have never done testing longer than 28 days...their preconceived view of when any infection should be cured. They refuse to think outside the box.

ILADS on the other hand, who has done treatments of chronic Lyme patients for as long as 3-5 years...sometimes longer, have seen patients in wheel chairs walk, have seen people misdiagnosed with "ALS" (a fatal disease) because their symptoms persisted longer than the 28 days and left to die, but when treated with long term antibiotics for the treatment of Lyme disease receive their life back. ...but I digress.

A Call to Action:

We need people nation wide to call their representatives and senators and support the current Lyme Disease legislation that is before the federal congress now. THIS IS URGENT!

This is regarding Federal Bill HR 3427: Lyme and Tick Borne Disease Prevention, Education and research Act of 2005 (yes, this has been in legislative committee THAT long!) Now it is time to ACT!!

FOR THOSE IN TEXAS...especially the Arlington area:

Rep. Joe Barton in the committee leader for this legislation and he needs to here from us! Please call his office and ask that they move this legislation OUT OF COMMITTEE and bring it to the senate for a VOTE!!

Contact information for Rep Joe Barton

Washington DC Office: phone: 202-225-2002 and fax: 202-225-3052
Arlington offices: phone: 817-543-1000 and fax: 817-548-7029

TX US Senator John Cornyn DC Phone: 202-224-2934 DC Fax: 202-228-2856
TX US Senator Kay Baily Hutchison DC Phone: 202-224-5922 DC Fax: 202-224-0776

Let's show them what our ONE VOICE can do!!

Thanks for heeding my cry for help!

Love, Dawn

He's in the Air Force Now!

2006-09-05T17:05:00.000-07:00

Where Did the Time Go?

I was cleaning off my book shelves the other day and I ran across a book Christopher wrote in First Grade for the Young Author's Contest sponsored by our homeschool group in Belton. His book was about what he wanted to be when he grew up.

As a mother of 2 sons, I expected half of the things he wrote in his book: a police officer, a fireman, a football player...but the one that caught my attention was when he said he wanted to be in the Air Force! At six years old, this was one of Christopher's dreams for his future.

Well...the future is now upon us! Christopher enlisted into the Air Force Junior ROTC Program through the local high school. Where did the time go? It just seems like yesterday that I was washing mud pies from his hands so he could write that book for the Young Authors Contest!!

So I had to share the photos of the young man in my life who is growing up MUCH too quickly for this Mother's heart!!

Brad teaching Chris how to tie a neck tie.....

Next is my young gentleman in his ROTC Uniform:
Some close up head shots:
Whoever said "time flies by when you are having fun", had no idea how true that is ...especially when you are watching your children grow up. It just seems like yesterday he was BORN!

We are awfully proud of our fine young man, Christopher Irons!

...guess you could say we saw this coming...

A Proud Air Force (to be) Mom,
Dawn

A Friend Who Travails

2006-08-30T23:25:00.000-07:00

Miracles Still Happen

The last few months for me have really been a great lesson about the depths of friendship...what truly defines a friendship, and what friendship is NOT--and the vast world between the two.

I have friends that I know pray for me all time. They even tell me so and I appreciate that because it is easy to forget sometimes that the war is not with flesh and blood and I have warriors watching my back!

I don't minimize those prayers at all...but if you were to ask me if I had a friend that would LITERALLY give up a whole night of sleep to truly war in prayer for me, to stand guard in prayer through the third watch of the night...I don't know that I could have so easily answered that one...until today.

Some of you may already know about our recent trip to the ER after completely losing my ability to walk. I began limping for no apparent reason last Friday. I had not injured my leg in any way. By Monday I was completely unable to walk. The pain was more than excruciating. They gave me Morphine at the ER that could not even touch the pain. The diagnosis was that I had a flare up of Lyme Arthritis. It was not known if this would be a temporary or permanent problem as Lyme Arthritis can be permanently crippling. Tuesday the pain was no better, in fact much worse. At this point genuine fear had set in and gripped my heart.

The sudden reality of what I could not do was a wake up call for me! I had to make arrangements for other people to get my kids to and from school. Brad took off work so that he could pick Chris up across town after his ROTC training, after already being up for over 24 hours since he had stayed with me at the ER the night before. Brad also was making runs to the pharmacy and getting the kids something to eat for dinner...and suddenly I realized this situation was going from bad to worse before my eyes. My husband HAD to be able to sleep or he would injure himself! Battling his own case of Lyme, stress is not good for an immune system that is in high alert! At that point I felt it was time to ask for help...I needed to find a wheel chair so I could at least function on some level around the house.

I spent all of Tuesday in bed alternating ice packs and heating pads...and by bed time still had no relief. The pain meds only took the edge off but was far from "working" to relieve the pain. I spent the night tossing and turning, the pain made it too hard to get comfortable. Eventually morning came. I sat on the side of bed, and for the first time I realized I had not yelped in pain as I rolled over. I reached for the crutch a friend had loaned me and steadied myself as I stood up...no pain. I took a few steps with the crutch...no pain. I put the crutch down and walked into the bathroom...no pain. I walked into the livingroom where my daughter was getting ready for school and I held both hands in the air..."Look...no crutches!" Cheers came from the livingroom!

Bear with me as I use a new word my friend Donna taught me....
I was rather "bumfuzzled" by the drastic change of events from the previous 2 days!! GO GOD!!!

Later this afternoon Brad told me that my Pastor's wife, Debi, had called and wanted to cook us dinner for tomorrow night. I called her back feeling a bit guilty and that I might be getting a free meal under false pretenses! After all...I was walking!!!

It was then that she shared with me that God woke her up last night and she literally prayed ALL NIGHT for my healing. I was about beside myself when I told her that I truly woke up this morning with no pain and I was able to WALK!!

I have never had such a drastic and immediate answer to prayer before!! And I , of all people, know there was no over-exaggeration of my pain and inability to walk. You lose all sense of dignity when someone has to help you use the bathroom because you can't walk....(you just cant fake that kind of indignity! At least not when you VALUE modesty!)

As I mentioned before, I have been doing a lot of thinking lately...and even re-defining what friendship really is. In retrospect, I just ended a 19 year friendship that boiled down to be of little substance and was very unhealthy. Yet, right here under my nose, was a friend that I rarely get to spend time with other than in passing at church and a few hurried moments before or after a bible study at her home...yet the substance of THIS friendship proved to be more real and authentic than the fruit (or lack thereof) of a 19 year friendship that just ended.

I guess Debi has really raised the bar of what a quality friend really is. I long to be a friend like that...and God permitting, I plan on learning a lot from this wise woman of faith! Many friends will pray for you...but how many will pray ALL NIGHT for you until they see the breakthrough?

I have that kind of friend! When she speaks into my life...I listen. God does not place precious and priceless gems like this in your path to be stepped over and ignored! She is a Titus 2 woman if I ever met one! Through her faithfulness in prayer, she has won a place in my heart that few will ever enter.

I wish for you all to have a friend like Debi Kerr!

Dawn

When Facing Adversity Remember The Carrot, The Egg and a Cup of Coffee

2006-08-24T21:52:00.000-07:00

A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee...

You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again. A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see."

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart? Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity?

Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean? May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying. It's easier to build a child than repair an adult. This is so true. May we all be COFFEE !!

Resurrection of a Dream

2006-08-20T23:20:00.000-07:00

God is Never Late, He is Right on Time

For those of you who know me, and know me well, know that there is a part of my heart that will forever be linked to Nicaragua. I dont know when that happened. Maybe it was the last 8 years of missions conferences at our church. I always tell my friends that the Missions Conference at our church the the highlight of my year (ahem...next to Christmas and Easter, of course!).

This year, battling with the Lyme disease, there were days that my dream of seeing Nicaragua were slipping farther and farther away. I kept holding on to scriptures that would keep my dream alive...how beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news! Many are called, but few are chose. The harvest is great, but the workers are few.

Whats a girl to do when she feels the conviction of God to do something that seems wholly impossible in the natural scheme of things? In those first months after the missions conference when I made the 1 year plan to get prepared to go, the conviction was STRONG. There was no way to discourage me. But somewhere on that journey, doubt crept in. Maybe it was the day my legs would not work correctly and I could not walk. Or maybe it was the day the skin on my arm blistered and burned on a 15 trip to the store with the sun coming in from the car window. I mean, the medication said to avoid PROLONGED sun exposure...who knew 15 minutes would be considered prolonged! How in the world would I survive a week in South America, in summertime, if I had such reactions to the sun? I can't pinpoint the actual moment I no longer believed I would actually make it to Nicaragua. But the past few days I had been thinking about Nicaragua again and there really was a doubt and disbelief. I honestly started thinking "Well if I can't go, maybe we should just send Christopher." Without realizing it, I had already accepted defeat and was making a plan B.

The last few days have been kind of tearful. I was telling Brad, I don't know what's wrong with me! I keep leaking tears! Something has been so tugging at my heart that it has kept my emotions raw for several days. At one point I was feeling like an emotional basket case and I told Brad we needed to go buy some pregnancy tests...maybe that would explain the tearfulness and tender heart! No pregnancy...just tears. I knew I was a mess when I was waiting in the car for Josh to get out of school and a radio commercial came on that was advertising the movie World Trade Center and by the end of the trailer I was leaking again and digging through my purse for a kleenex! A COMMERCIAL!! What is wrong with me!!??!!

Then on the way to church this morning I really felt the Lord tell me he wanted to touch my heart BEFORE I got to church. Just listening to the Worship on the radio, I started leaking again...by the time I arrived at church I was conviced that the worship team could have sung Mary Had a Little Lamb and I would have been reduced to a puddle of tears. For the life of me I could not figure out what all the emotional TURMOIL has been about!

After worship, Pastor asked the team who went to Nicaragua to come up and tell of their work their. I had no idea they would be sharing this morning. It was almost as if God just tapped me on the shoulder and said "Dont you dare let that dream die." No kidding, just the few days before I was working on "plan B" thinking maybe Chris should go. But more than ever the dream was rekindled.

When Pastor got up to preach, it was as if God sealed it with a kiss. The message this morning was about raising Lazarus from the dead. What a beautiful reminder of Jesus' ability to raise to life that which we have let die with our doubt and disbelief. Jesus still functions in a resurrection power!

Again, I cant tell you why I have such a passion for Nicaragua. When most people desire to travel to a foreign country it is to see the Eifle Tower, the beautiful cathedrals of europe...but not me...

THIS is where my heart is:This is not exactly the heart's desire of most people if given the opportunity to hop a plane and go somewhere.

On the way home from church, a song came over the radio...it seemed almost the perfect ending to a perfect day of resurrecting a dream...

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with eyes wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
********************************
"Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield

Diary of a Mad Black Woman

2006-08-08T20:39:00.000-07:00

Brad and I watched this DVD this weekend when we went away for our medical visit in Louisiana. When you are cramped up in a hotel room, too sick to really go "see the sites" the best you can do is rent a movie from the local Block Buster, hunker down and make the best of a medical visit weekend.

It is not a movie I would have chosen on my own, but we had a friend highly reccommend it (thanks Stan!). I laughed and I cried...just an incredible movie! (There is mild language as a disclaimer.) In this photo, the grandmother Madea has just witnessed her grandaughter get pushed around by her husband who has had an affair and put her out of the house so the girlfriend and his kids can move in...well...what is any respectable grandma to do? Just sit and watch her grandchild get the shaft? At one point I asked Brad...so who is the "mad" black woman? Was it the jilted wife or the grandma? Grandma Madea in this scene has a solution to the cheating spouse...half of everything he owned belonged to her granddaughter...and which half did he want? She took a chainsaw to all of his posessions!

I laughed till I cried...I think I identified all too well with that kind of attitude that has taken all it can it take...and then there is the breaking point!

So welcome to the diary of a mad white woman tonight!!!

You know, there just comes a time where you can take NO MORE of injustice! I have had little "fires" brewing around me for the last week. At first I seemed intimidated...but NO MORE! I can't tell you WHAT the "last straw" was that broke the camels back...but whatever it was that poor camel is now permanently injured. And I find I just dont care!

My pastor preached a sermon once that said you can be a victim or you can be an overcomer! Just this last week I determined real quick the "victim" role was just not appropriate! Not for me! I have overcome too many things in my life (rape, house fires, 7 miscarriages, chronic illness) and I am not about to let these littles threatening "fires" intimidate me anymore.

Hell hath no fury like a woman who has been badgered with injustices! This southern woman has gotten a taste of a Brooklyn Bronx attitude...and I know how to use it!

FIRE 1: Mid July I got a letter from Compass bank (whom I have had 3 bank accounts with over the last 3 years). The letter said they had closed all my accounts, including my new business account! They shut the account two days after I made an almost $1,000 deposit and began paying my business expenses. They returned all the checks as "account closed" and began charging me fees $36 a shot on an account I had a deposit slip showing funds available! No phone call was made. No explanation was given!

I cordially tried to speak with the Bank manager to find out what the problem was. He could find no reason on any of the accounts activities that would warrant them closing the accounts so he called corporate offices to find out more info. He was given a number to a reporting agency to give to me. I called this agency to see what the problem was and they said a complaint was filed by Compass. I told them the bank manager at Compass could find nothing in the account activities to warrant a complaint. So they told me to write a letter of dispute. I wrote and faxed a letter of dispute and within 24 hours I had a letter saying my dispute was denied because their records showed Compass made a complaint! (How is that for real investigation!) At this point I contacted a lawyer who has his legal assistant coaching me through everything I need to do so that in the end if the lawyer has to make a phone call or write a letter I will have done all the foot work he would have to do.

Compass told me I would have to take all issues up with the reporting agency. So I wrote my first legal letter to the company claiming federal laws that state a complaint of this kind must be provable and show me any account activity to prove such a claim. They wrote back and said Compass would have to provide that info...so back to Compass I go. Again, the bank manager can find NOTHING to substantiate the claim! So today I faxed Corporate Compass citing the same federal law that says they have 10 days to provide photocopy proof any account mismanagement from the account activity (which the bank manager has already told me he can find nothing!) So we'll see how this pans out!

FIRE 2: If you have been following our Lyme saga you know that our previous doctor made some serious malpractice mistakes and gross negligence in our care which led to further injury and caused me to have to stop treatment...and come to find out that he had been treating Brad for 3 months with the WRONG protocol!

As we switched doctors to a specialist out of state, we needed to retrieve our medical records from the former doctor. I called 3 weeks prior to our leaving for Louisiana to request our records. The nurse told me that they could not release the records to me since the doc was out of the country and also that he would need to write the office notes upon his return. I questioned her about that because the office notes should have been written at the time of our office visits! She said there were NO office visit notes in our files and that he would have to write them up when he returned.

The day was approaching when we were getting ready to leave and still no records. I called the office again to check the status and the doctor picked up the phone and wanted to know WHY I filed a complaint with the medical board against him. I took a deep breath and faced this GOLIATH in my life. Victim NO MORE. I told him the reasons why and then he said he would have our records ready the next day. (Of course, bravery is one thing, stupidity is another! I had BRAD go pick up the records from his office!) Upon reading the records when we got them home, we found them to be FULL of complete fabricated material! He span a web of deceit that his own notes showed his errors and contradictions! So this morning I spent 2 hours going line by line in both of our medical records, contacting the pharmacy to get pharmaceutical records showing the discrepencies, and I wrote another addendum to the original complaint we filed with the medical board. The errors in the medical records over 6 months took 5 pages single typed space to dispute and prove wrong! (I admit I had some sort of satisfaction at seeing how he tangled himself up in his web of lies...and his own "office notes" puts the last nail in the coffin for him!)

So the adrenalin was running HIGH today as I faxed off more information and disputes of medical records to the medical board, faxes of legal letters to Compass bank and Compass CORPORATE, CC'd my lawyer and legal assistant...and I just sat there with a feeling of accomplishment...VICTIM NO MORE!! I am fighting back! I will NOT go down!!

And then wouldn't you know....the phone rang...
It was the pharmacist on the line telling me that the prescription that the doctor wrote for both Brad and I was declined by the insurance company and that it would be over $600 per script!! I swallowed hard, asked her to repeat what she had just said, took a deep breath and she told me to have my doctor call the insurance company tomorrow to begin the dispute process. I think for the better part of valor I will allow the doctor to make the first call. My adrenalin is still in high gear! I dont know that the insurance company is prepared to deal with me on full throttle after having just about all I can take of being pushed around, shoved around and generally mishandled!

I am a victim NO MORE...

Good grief, if the insurance company is going to mishandle our premiums that we pay for coverage, I have just the bank that can handle their financial affairs!!

And if Compass Bank cant come up with any better answers than "we cant find anything" they are going to need an insurance company to cover their legal liabilities! Have I got the insurance company for them!!

And God help them all if I have to get on the phone and talk with one more person who is trying to take advantage of a situation...I have just the doctor they will need to put the pieces all back together after I lose it!

I think they all deserve each other!

I think I am liking this New York state of mind!
Southern hospitality and politeness can only go so far!

I will be a VICTIM NO MORE!

Dawn

Why, Why, Why????

2006-07-31T16:35:00.000-07:00

For those of you who struggle with knowing the resons why, here is something more to wonder about!!

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE...
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

Pixel Perfect

2006-07-29T14:30:00.000-07:00

I used to hold Disney highly suspect when my kids were younger. There were a lot of things in the late 80's and early 90's that just seemed so unnecessary for children's programming. But something happened in the mid 90's at Disney. I don't know what it was (probably a personnel change?) but what ever changed, I liked it!

Now that my kids are getting older we have discovered the Disney Channel. And I absolutely love so many of the "on purpose" points Disney is sending to the kids of this upcoming generation.

In a world where a girls self-image is so distorted due to constantly comparing herself to the magazine covers and a young boy's taste for the "ideal girl" are fashioned by those illusions on the magazine covers I am so glad Disney is at the forefront of blowing that myth out of the water! I love the fact that actresses like Raven Symone are shown to be beautiful and healthy; while not being the anorexic icon of Hollywood. Disney shows beauty as being more than a physical trait, but a character trait.

Not long ago, Disney made a movie called Pixel Perfect. The whole premise of the movie was that what you see on the magazines is NOT reality but rather the work of a good graphic artist at a computer who does "nips and tucks" with the click of his mouse.
Okay, well at least that is what I got our of the movie. What it was really about is a boy who designed his "ideal girl" by picking the traits that he liked in a girl. He had a hologram program on his computer that made this hologram into a lifesize clone of "The Perfect Girl"...only problem was the hologram was an illusion and when it encountered sunlight it vanished!

The boy who created this hologram had taken some of the characteristics that he liked of one of his female friends who happened to have a crush on him. He left out the characteristics that annoyed him. So he took reality, tweaked it, and created the flawless, ideal girl...an illusion, a hologram.

As the story unfolds, this hologram meets the boy's friend whom she was fashioned after...they develop a rocky, but working "relationship". The friend has no idea this new girl is not "real". Jealousy grows. In the end the boy discovers that his "pixel perfect" girlfriend is rather cold, unemotional, lacks feeling...and learns that he prefers "the real thing", his true friend...with bumps and warts and all.

There was a song from the soundtrack of this movie that showed up on my playlist in iTunes the other day. It must have been downloaded when I took music files from Brad and Laura's mp3 folder. So in the middle of the emotional roller coaster about ending the friendship that I have been talking abou this week, this song came loud and clear over my computer speakers...and suddenly I felt like I had learned a VERY profound life lesson...one I hope that my daughter will learn as we talk about these issues and how to avoid manipulative and toxic friendships.

So, I thought I would give Disney a thunderous applause for reminding this wife and mother a very valuable lesson that most people learn in junior high school!

Enjoy the lyrics of the song!

PERFECTLY

by Huckapoo

I like who I am, but I guess you don't

I think that I can

But you think I won't

Amount to anything at all

If you love me, you sure show it strange

Is there anything that you would want to change?

I can't be your paper doll.

Chorus:

I wanna be perfect, but I'm me...

I wanna be flawless

but you see

every little crack, every chip, every dent, every little mistake

I wanna be perfect

Just like you,

but there's only so much

that a girl can do

When I look in the mirror

It makes sense to me...perfectly.

I like worn out shoes

You like high heels and fantasies

But I'm what's real

I guess you could say

The shoe don't fit

Maybe I'm from Venus

You're from mars

My imperfections are what they are

I guess one of us must deal with it

I try to fit in the mold that you make

But I'm tired of playing this little charade

I wanna be perfect, but I'm me...
I wanna be flawless
but you see
every little crack, every chip, every dent, every little mistake

I wanna be perfect
Just like you,
but there's only so much
that a girl can do
When I look in the mirror
It makes sense to me...perfectly.

Hhmmmm....well, heres hoping that now that I am pushing 40 I will have mastered this very valuable life lesson that I learned from Disney as an adult!

Dawn

Holiness, Eye Patches, Free Will...OH MY!!!

2006-07-27T20:57:00.000-07:00

I was sharing with Brad yesterday about a speaker I heard once who told a story of growing up in his grandfather's church. He specifically remembered one sermon seried his grandfather did about holiness. He said "holiness" was a very difficult concept for a kid to grasp but he was very interested in becoming holy. He prayed and asked God to send him a good example of true holiness that he could learn from.

The sermon series on holiness continued for a few weeks. One week the scriptural text for that Sunday was from Matthew 5:

27 "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' 28 But
I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

As the sermon went on he found himself needing to leave the sanctuary because he had to use the restroom. As he was leaving the sanctuary a man walked into the church wearing an eye patch! He stood there in total awe! He thought "now that must be a really Holy man because he actually DID it!"

Follow me on my rabbit trail here...Brad and I have recently discovered the TV Program "24". In one of the season closers the main character found himself and a close friend in a situation that was life and death. In order to save his friends life (who was handcuffed to a bomb that would release a catastrophic virus that would not only kill his friend, but millions of people if it went airborne) he took the axe from the emergency fire station and literally cut his friend's hand off to save the lives of many.

I remember making the comment (half in jest at the time) "You know, if your right hand offends you, cut it off! Better to lose and arm than your whole life!"

I've just never had a situation hit so close to home with me regarding this principle until it came to my decision to end this friendship I spoke about earlier this week.

I remember telling Brad for years that this particular friend was like my right arm (in our happier days). I actually know now, more than ever before, what it truly means to cut off that arm when it offends or threatens to impede your walk with the Lord.

This is one of the harder lessons of "free will" I have discovered. It is so contrary to our human nature to inflict pain upon ourselves. But I had to make a choice. In my free will, I chose to honor God with my whole heart and risk injury to myself to become wholly FREE from this situation.

There is no anesthetic for the heartache that comes. It is only the full faith and assurance that it is an act of obedience and it will be blessed. I will go free. Yet is it hard to celebrate knowing the devestation I caused...yet there is that part of me that REJOICES through the tears. Doing the right thing is not always pain free.

But I overwhelmingly sense that "great cloud of witnesses" that surrounds me and cheers me on. I am truly walking in the reality of what Jesus meant when he said, "Come to Me all who are weary, and I will give you rest. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

I have no words to adequately express how heavy and suffocating the yoke was that I just laid down. I find I am breathing easier and walking lighter.

I thank God for His indescribable gift: JESUS.

He is more than enough. He is all I need. And His grace is sufficient.

Dawn

Biblical Chemistry

2006-07-26T20:42:00.000-07:00

I was an excellent Chemistry student in High School and College! The problem was I was a horrible math student!! My chemistry teacher could not believe I struggled with algerbra as bad as I did since I was solving and balancing equations in the chemistry lab like it was my second nature ... something I could do in my sleep.

The coach who taugh my algebra class had a conversation with my chemistry teacher once in the teacher's lounge about my math problem. Finally they both spoke with me about the matter. I tried to explain that the coach could not adequately explain the reason WHY the equation worked the way it did (yes, this has been a longtime stronghold in my life...knowing the reason WHY!) He just always told me "Because thats the rule. You dont need to know the reason why, just follow the rule and you will do fine!"

On the other hand, my chemistry teacher, by example, was able to explain the WHY of balancing the equation by our doing labs and solving for the unknown solution. It only took me ONE TIME in the chemistry lab of not following the rule (as coach suggested in algebra) to get the BIG PICTURE. It did not take me long after picking out the shards of my pyrex test tube (which is supposed to be indestructable by fire!) out of the particle board ceiling of the chem lab to understand that there is a method to the madness of the rule--even if I dont understand WHY!!

Years later, while teaching VBS in my early college days I was given the opportunity to explain the concept of the Trinity to 4 years olds! I dont know who wrote that curriculum...but I would not reccommend it! 4 year olds can ask the most difficult questions that will leave you STUMPED!! I followed the example of pouring water in an ice tray and putting in the freezer. Later I pulled out the ice cube and placed it over a pot on the stove...we watched the water boil and evaporate. Now somehow a 4 year old was supposed to get the concept that water (H2O) came in 3 forms of liquid, solid and vapor all having the same chemical compound of H2O just in 3 forms. I dont know how much that stuck with THEM, but it has stayed with me forever!

I saw the picture above and I thought it would be perfect to illustrate the deeper recesses of my mind lately! (OK...quit laughing! I can have a deep thought, ya know!!)

Lately, there has been so much going on in my life that I have been like "contents under pressure". Now I used to watch my grandmother who canned home grown veggies every summer and I KNOW what a pressure cooker does when it lets off steam! The noise could raise the dead! And everyone in the hooue stopped and looked to make sure everything was OK!

As in the photo above the E-State was to represent the "evaporative state" of the solid form of water. I have also been thinking of the 3 forms of H2O in terms of our having a body, soul and spirit.

When our lives (body) get in a state of constant pressure, will our soul (feelings and emotions) line up with the Spirit of God within us and release the E-State....the edification state??

When we are under pressure, the deepest kind of pressure, will that which forces our character to be truly revealed be one of edification ?

I know I've got a long way to go....but thanks to trying to teach 4 years old about the Trinity, I have this longing in my heart that when my ice cube melts and evaporates that I really want it to be pleasing to the Lord. I want to work towards the goal that when I am found in stressful situations that those around me will see grace under pressure. Because the grace IS THERE...but will we appropriate the grace given us in that hour or will we lean to our own understanding?

Give thanks in all circumstances for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you...1 Thes 5:18

Can we be thankful in the midst of the pressures of life??
Our witness DEPENDS on it!

Bidding JOY to your journey (and mine!!),
Dawn

A Friendship on Life Support Just Died

2006-07-24T21:51:00.000-07:00

Notice I said a "friendship" on life support just died...not my friend...just the friendship.

This friendship has been on "life support" for over 2 years now...probably more thruthfully told for 10 years, but denial keeps me saying it has really only been the last 2 years.

Just as there is no such thing as a no fault divorce, there is no such thing as a friendship that disintegrates without the fault of both parties involved.

Guilty as charged.

Maybe even more guilty than my "friend".... I pulled the plug.

I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't handle the facade of "friendship" we both mascaraded with...the dark pretense of living a lie. We were no more true friends than a bacteria is to an antibiotic. (But we were about as toxic to each other.) Its just that at ONE TIME we were friends. But time goes on, and seasons change. The few things that once drew us close in heart and spirit are now the very things that repel us like oil and water.

I think there is just something that is ingrained in Southern Women...we must be polite. Add that to the (personal) belief that as Christians there should be no "irreconcilable differences" among Christians...and you end up with two people who just dont know it is okay to BURY the poor horse we have both repeatedly beat to death with a stick!

I knew I would feel bad...and I do feel bad. But what suprises me is the guilt I feel because of the huge sense of RELIEF I feel in just having made the decision. I wrote the letter. It is stamped and going out in the mail tomorrow. The only way this letter is not going to get to her is if she writes "return to sender" on it...and that would only confirm that we both feel this is the right decision.

I shared with one of my closest friends that I had made the decision to not continue with the turmoil of this friendship and I think she's got a $5 bet against me that I will cave!

I am learning the value of healthy friendships...and the value of letting go of toxic friendships.

I just wish I understood why letting go of the toxic relationship still hurts the heart.
Heartache and RELIEF...so many mixed emotions.

I feel like I am at the crossroads. Much like when I became a Christian. I had an old life that I enjoyed...but my new life held much promise and hope. Both held my heart...but I made a choice. I cut ties to my old life and began a NEW LIFE...and I was blessed.

I feel like I have to cut off this friendship to ever feel whole and healthy again.

Who knows...she may feel just as relieved. Maybe we were both just to polite to want to hurt the other.

I guess that was a pretty bad eulogy to a pretty bad end to a friendship.
My son has a T-Shirt that says "Live your life so the Preacher doesn't have to LIE at your funeral!"
I wish I had more good things to say about this friendship...but right now I just can't remember any of them because it is so clouded by the toxicity of the last 2 years.

So in short...We had a 19 year friendship. It died. Now it is time to bury it.

Dawn

My Soul Longs After Thee

2006-07-17T10:58:00.000-07:00

The Story of Starbuck: The Dog who missed his Girl

This morning we woke up to a very sick dog. We had noticed over the last 2 days that he was having diahhrea. (Sorry if that is TMI for my squeemish crowd.) But this morning it was severe. He was passing BLOOD. I knew for certain this could NOT be a good thing. I called the vet in a near panic...what was I supposed to tell Laura?
Was this FATAL?? Would we have to put our pooch down??

I begged the receptionist to let me bring Starbuck in ASAP. I woke Laura up and told her we needed to get Starbuck to the Vet. We took him outside and hosed him off (I will spare you the details, but just know there was a reason!) and we "diapered" him with a towel and took off for the vet's office.

I was truly prepared for the worse case scenario. I had been praying the whole way as I drove white-knuckled to the vet. Dear God, please let Starbuck be okay!!! And God, please dont let this vet bill be too expensive!!

The vet checked the stool sample we brought in. He looked a bit amused as he came back in and started questioning us if anything had changed in our routine over the last week. We started thinking through any ideas of what may have changed when Laura said, "I dont know, I was at camp all week." The vet looked at the dog, looked at Laura...asked me how the dog did while Laura was gone. I told him the dog seemed to just mope around the house. It was as though he knew she was gone. He sort of giggled and said he thought he knew what the problem was.

He assured us the stool sample was bacteria free, parasite free, and there was no cause of concern of there being a disease. He said "What we have here is a classic case of tummy troubles caused by separation anxiety!"
The social worker inside me just shook my head. You have GOT to be kidding me!! He went on to explain that sometimes when pets get upset they get tummy troubles like humans do. And on accasion they worry themselves sick! A stress related illness in our pup!! He gave Starbuck a steroid shot and sent us home with anti-diahhrea meds.

Once home, Starbuck has been sitting quietly at Laura's feet all morning. He has watched her every move. Even now he is watching her crochet...firmly planted at her feet.

As I was driving home I was thinking back on the old chorus:

As a deer panteth for the water
so my soul longeth after Thee.
You alone are my heart's desire
and I long to worship you...

And I just know that someday the story of Laura and Starbuck will end up in one of Brad's sermon illustrations of how our hearts should be longing after God! You have to admit....that will preach!! Now, I just need to find out if Discovery Camp has accomodations for pets next year! LOL!! What's the dog to do without his girl??

God is God and I am Not

2006-07-17T10:02:00.000-07:00

Remembering Pastoral Advice that Helped Anchor Me

Recently I have been pondering my spiritual heritage. The strength and wisdom that my church family has sown into me over the years.

This morning, my dear friend and beloved sister in Christ, Vivian sent me a devotional that she said was a MUST READ! As I read through it, I had to agree. I wont recount the whole devotional for you, I will just copy it at the end of this post. But this devotional reminded me of one of those "anchored moments" in my Christian growth.

There are times when someone who is much like a mentor in your life says something that STICKS and changes your life forever. It is a spiritual stake in the ground...a stone of rememberance, so to speak, that Joshua spoke of, and quite often a place where you find deliverance and freedom.

The time I am remebering is after my fourth miscarriage. Were were devestated. This was the first time in all of our pregnancy losses that we had a tiny little body to deal with. Beyond the grief of losing the twins, there was an anger brewing in me at the medical community because they would not do any testing on me to find a cause of the miscarriages until I had lost 3 consecuticve babies. I needed to know an answer as to why this was happening. Since I was pregnant with twins and lost one 3 weeks prior to the other, it was as if I had two separate miscarriages though it was one twin pregnancy. Twin B (Josiah David) was a fighter! We got to see his heart beat on sonogram and then the next day he was born...far to early to survive outside of the womb. DEVESTATING.

I remember sitting in my pastors office. He shared in our loss and even shared about the losses he and his wife had earlier in their life. He was very comapssionate to our pain. As I sat there in his office expressing my anger at the medical community and the frustration of not knowing what was going on with my body that I kept miscarrying my babies, I must have said 10 times, "I just want answers. I want to know WHY!"

Pastor David, seeing past my actual question to the true need, addressed my question with, "What if God never gives you an answer?"

That kind of took me off guard because I was thinking medical answers...or so I thought. It was a Holy Spirit momen of revelation...an "anchor moment" for me. Was I really wanting to know the medical reason why? Well, in a very physical sense, YES...but there was something far deeper in my heart that needed to be addressed and Pastor recognized that. As I said in my last post, Pastor David shoots straight with you! He is honest, compassionate, and allows the Holy Spirit to bring to the surface the REAL need...and he addresses THAT need.

He sent me home with an arsenal of scriptures that I wrestled with...much like Jacob wrestling with the angel at Pinneal. Some of the passages I had to deal with, and come to terms with were "What shall separate us from the love of God?" and a list begins to form...among them are the questions of life an death. Was I going to let the death of my children separate me from the love of God?

Pastor went on to tell me the story of a friend of his in seminary who also had endured the loss of a child through miscarriage. His friend never got over his grief, became bitter and angry, and ultimately walked away from God. So pastor asked me again, "What shall separate us from the Love of God?"

Like an arrow through my heart, the truth pierced my heart and took root. And I was able to to confess like the Apostle Paul in Romans, that NOTHING shall separate me from the love of God, neither death nor life......

I am very fortunate to have a pastor who speaks truth--even when it hurts. There was a far deeper need in my life than knowing the medical reasons WHY...there was a spiritual need in my heart that he brought to my attention and helped me deal with. What if God NEVER gave me an answer to those questions? As I wrestled through several other scriptures...I finally came to the conclusion that HE is GOD and I am NOT!!

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away...BLESSED be the name of the LORD!

I hope you enjoy this devotional as much as I did!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

July 17, 2006

God questions

by John Fischer

“God is too good to be unkind, too wise to make mistakes, and too deep to explain himself.” - Unknown

Have you ever thought about the fact that God doesn't have to explain himself? Or as Paul put it, "Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor?” (Romans 11:34)

Think about how often we ask or hear the following:

Why did God allow this thing to happen to me?
Why would God allow such pain and suffering on this planet?
If there is a God, why doesn't he do something about the injustice in the world?

And then think about our attempts at answering these questions while God remains silent. We not only throw questions and challenges at him, we have the audacity to think we can speak for him as well!

The worst part about this is that we act as if we deserve answers to these and similar questions. We even go so far as to suspend belief in God until we get these questions resolved to our satisfaction. Wait a minute: This is the God of the universe we are talking about. Who do we think we are? Some of this is almost on the level of grabbing a teenager by the ear, sitting him down in a chair, and saying, “Well … aren't you going to explain yourself, young man?”

What we are missing here is a relative level of humility commensurate with some acknowledgment of who we are (and are not) and who God is. In whose book is God required to explain himself? Not in any book I know of.

Moreover, in the book he left for us, the Bible, one of its oldest stories is about a righteous and good man who was afflicted with severe loss, pain, and suffering for no apparent reason. For the bulk of the book of Job, Job listens to four friends trying to figure out his predicament. After 37 chapters of justifications, accusations, and defense, they are no closer to an answer than when they started. That's when God shows up on the scene and speaks for himself. And in four more chapters, he refuses to give one shred of evidence that he intends to answer their questions. What he does present them is a series of more questions that Job, in his finiteness cannot answer – questions that establish himself as God with no requirement to explain himself, and Job, as a mere man with limited understanding and no right to know.

In the end, Job utters these words: “You asked, 'Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorance?' It is I – and I was talking about things I knew nothing about, things far too wonderful for me … I had only heard about you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes. I take back everything I said, and I sit in dust and ashes to show my repentance.” (Job 42:3, 5-6 NLT)

One of the most fundamental steps of believing is deciding we are not God nor do we want to be. That's when we get down on our knees and worship God as God. That posture is the beginning of finding out.

A Rich Heritage and a Strong Future

2006-07-10T21:07:00.000-07:00

Waxing Nostalgic & Still Dreaming Dreams

I went to a college that had this slogan: A Rich Heritage and a Strong Future. I used to think it was kind of corny, but it was a lot better than the other slogan they had for a while...UMHB: A great place to Live & Learn.
So in all consideration a rich heritage and a strong future really was a lot better. But you could not have convinced me of that fact THEN.

I am coming up on my 20 year high school reunion. How can that be? When I close my eyes I am still 15 years old! I am sure that could be psycho-analyzed to death but please spare me your gifted interpretations of what that may mean! LOL!

Of course, I have NO INTENTIONS of setting foot in my high school reunion!! I am the tragic tale of the cheerleader who got fat. No way I'm gonna go!! Besides, I dont want to run into "Kim S" who told me that I was too fat and ugly to ever make cheerleader. Even though I made the squad and she didn't, it is amazing what sticks with your after all those years. My fragile ego could not take proving her right....ahhhh VANITY, VANITY, all is vanity.

So let's fast forward to a MUCH HAPPIER PLACE!!!!

As I have been thinking on my heritage and my future, I realize it is those people who made the Spiritual deposits into my life that have strengthened me in Christ and made me into who I am today.

As I remember back to my day of SALVATION (March 20, 1988) I thank God for the family that he spiritually birthed me into at Woodlawn Baptist Church in Austin, Texas. I don't know that there could have been a more perfect "spiritual family of origin". These people were my anchor in a storm!! So I must share them with you!

Seated on the far left is John Molina. He was the pastor of the Spanish Mission outreach of our church. He was my first introduction to missions!

Seated center is Pastor Jack Burton. I got saved and baptized on the same day. I'm sure pastor Jack thought he better get me baptized and discipled quick before I got away! And I'm not so sure that if the church had not embraced me the way they did, that I would still be living a vibrant Christian life. This church was an IV Infusion of LIFE to me. I remember when I first felt called to ministry that I called Pastor Jack to tell him God was calling me to ministry and I needed to know what a seminary was because I thought I was supposed to go! I remember his chuckle as he explained a seminary was a graduate school after college. And it was THAT conversation that led me into pursuing a college education! I was saved in March and attending Austin community college in August!

To the far right is Tom Gillespie. He was my choir director. He was willing to take a "wide-eyed with wonder" 18 year old girl and let her sing in the adult choir. I had no idea that 18 year olds were not supposed to be "into" such activities as the adult choir...but this was my first introduction to WORSHIP...and I was hooked!

Top row left is Bryan Hall. He was my first crush as a Christian girl. He was the youth & college pastor, and much credit to his integrity, he never embarrassed me after I sent him a dozen red and yellow roses...anonymously...but I think he knew. Maybe it was because the following Sunday when he did an object lesson in the college dept. , he had the table covered with red and yellow paper....coincidence? Byran's major influence in my life was this very SIMPLE life lesson. After he heard my testimony he said this very profound thing, "Dawn, if a man HITS you, that means he does NOT like you!" Now that may sound like a no-brainer to most folks, but having just gotten out of a very abusive relationship...that was a profound and NEW thought to me! (And for the record, Bryan was single. I did not send roses to a married man! I just wanted to clarify!)

Then there was Janet Burton, pastor Jack's wife. She was the minister of Education...she was my first introduction to a woman in ministry, under authority, and able to teach.

Then the far right...Donna McCrary, Children's minister. God bless her! She gave me a job in the Child Development center when I had left my state job with the Board of Pardons and Parole so I could go to college and pursue ministry. She took a real chance with me! She trusted me, having no experience with children, with 11 two year olds. I dont know what I was thinking when I thought to do that nice little craft with the children's hand prints in tempera paint for their mothers! All 11 of them...all at once. Who knew two year olds would want to paint each other? But she loved me anyway and showed me a true example of mercy and grace! (and how to get tempera paint out of hair and clothes!)

Oooooohhhhh how I loved my first church family!! They gave me DEEP roots of faith and heritage, and then certified me for ministry and sent me off to Bible College.

While in college Brad and I settled into Cornerstone Christian Fellowship. Unfortunately I dont have their photos. But Pastor David & Petie Newsome loved us and pastored us as a young married couple. Pastor David did Joshua's baby dedication...a very special time in our life.

From Belton, we came to where we are now...The Vine Fellowship. There is such a sense of destiny and the call of God on this church...of course, you'll have to excuse my biased opinion! There are times I am certain I can hear the heartbeat of this church in my dreams.

Pastor David Kerr is a man of vision and integrity. And he will shoot straight with you! (whether you like it or not...you know, the truth hurts, but someone aught to love you enough to tell you! He has a gift because you still KNOW he loves you even after he tells you the truth!) He has baptized all three of my children and my husband. And he has been known to sing duets with Brad. His musical repotoire consists of such songs as the great 50's sound of "Wonderful" and the recent Rapping Pastor in the song "Best Days" soon to be released.
And though I first was introduced to missions at WBC, Pastor David has fanned into flame a passion for missions and it has spread through my whole family.

This is Rob Hurt (also known as the "blog police" he leaves "warnings" if my blog is not posted in a timely manner.) And much like my experience with getting saved and wanting to know what a "seminary" was, when I really felt God calling me to start writing again, I went to Rob and asked what a BLOG was...I had no clue. So it is Rob who gave me the courage to write again. I have been writing a blog now for almost a year due to Rob's encouragement. Had it not been for Rob's prodding, coaxing and harrassment...(did I say that with my outside voice??).... ahem.....I mean encouragment, I dont know that I would have started writing again. In retrospect, I can see how God has used this whole blogging experience, and being willing to write again, to launch the next chapter of my life as I have begun work with the Lyme and Chronically Ill community through the Texas Public Health Alert. The journey of starting to write begins with getting the thoughts from the brain to the paper. And blogging gave me the courage to step out when the time was right for me to begin the newspaper.

And always saving the best for last...as I journey through my spiritual heritage and embrace a strong future of hope, I owe it all to my favorite pastor of all. My husband, our family shepherd, my fearless leader, my hero. I was introduced to worship at WBC, but I have learned to LIVE a LIFE of worship by watching the example of my husband as he leads our family and an entire congregation of worshippers. I remember when we were planning our wedding, he shared with me a Keith Green song that laid a good foundation in our marriage, and it was something we both took to heart. This song said, "I pledge my head to Heaven for the Gospel. I ask no man on earth to fill my needs. As I told her when we wed, I'd truly rather be found dead, than to love her more than the One Who saved my soul."

Brad has truly been a servant leader in our home. He reminds me that Jesus LAUGHS and enjoys the simplicity of living. I look forward to a strong future that will eventually become the "rich heritage" for my children.

Love, Dawn

He Said the Nicest Thing Today

2006-06-11T15:48:00.000-07:00

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Every now and then I really worry about the financial strain my health situation puts on our family. I get concerned because Brad works 2 jobs just to make ends meet and take care of us. Then yesterday the battery and starter in the van went out.

Now, in a LOGICAL sense, I know those things are not my fault...but I still feel guilty.

This morning someone at church was asking about my level of pain lately and how I have been managing it. I explained a bit about what was going on with that. I also told her that I don't know HOW it will happen, but I DO know that God will get me to the other side of this health crisis and I will stand with a testimony!

Brad had over heard the conversation and joined in. He told this woman that we really are trusting and believing for healing. Then Brad went on to tell her that when I go through these valleys of crisis and come out on the other side, that "ministries are birthed".

That sort of caught my attention...is that really what he thinks? He told me that my 9 years of work with Blessed Arrows was born out of personal adversity for the benefit of other people. ANd he expects this to be no different.

WOW...I know this may sound crazy, but to know that Brad sees "strength" in me through adversity, made me feel stronger! Hearing him say that was like a word of LIFE for me.

If I can find purpose in the pain, I can get through anything...

I guess it is sort of like giving birth...you can survive the pain by knowing the reward on the other side is, not just for your own benefit, but for the benefit of someone else!

I find that motivating!

Wow...Brad thinks that I am strong. He sees ministry to others being birthed out of my adversity. That is comforting to me right now, because I feel like a pitiful example of anything. The pain is so extreme right now that I feel like a sniveling wimp crying out for mercy. Not the epitome of "strength " in my book.

But just to know that Brad sees strength in me just made me feel like God kissed me today!

Everyone needs to have a kiss like that from God.

So this one goes out to Brad....he said the NICEST thing today!!

THANK YOU!!

Love,
Dawn

Home Sick

2006-06-10T20:04:00.000-07:00

The Staffless Church

2006-06-04T19:24:00.000-07:00

A Stolen Idea From Rob's Blog

I was reading my friend Rob's blog and came across a comment someone left on his post about church volunteers. Rob tried to imagine what a day without volunteers at our church would be like. And it was not a pretty picture. There are so many servant hearts in our body of believers that we would be left with a limp if our volunteers did not show up one day!

The person who commented on his blog said it would be interesting to read a commentary on what the church would do if it were staff-less....I have been chewing on that thought for a few days now. I know there are several potential directions to go with this idea...so I was curious to see if Rob would tackle the issue...but he never did. I suppose that is because he really has a humble spirit and would not want to be accused of thinking too highly of himself and write about what a day in the church would be like without our paid staff members.

So I am going to tackle this thought, if you don't mind!

I know there is a camp of folks out there who believe that a church should be run by a "plurality of non-paid leaders". I've tangoed with that thought process for years to no avail with someone who felt my husband was wrong for accepting money for doing "the work of God"--so I wont even further dignify that thought line with a response here.

There used to be a statistic (cant remember the exact figures) but it said something to the effect that 10% of the people do 90% of the work of the church. So the volunteers are really people that keep a church functioning well--sometimes to the point of exhaustion and burnout and family stress. When 10% of the people carry 90% of the load it is more than they were intended to carry.

I can remember Jesus saying to the thankful leper that was healed...WHERE ARE THE OTHER NINE ?? (or Where are the other 90% in this case?)

I found it interesting that I have been thinking on this issue for a day or two now, and then this morning someone from the 90% of inactive pew warmers came to me with a letter of complaint for my husband. She wanted me to read it first. You know, it is hard enough to serve people who are contentious and cantankerous, but to have the GRACE of GOD that the leaders in these positions carry to deal with the grumblers and complainers simply AMAZES me! Because at that very moment I felt like Peter must've felt when he grabbed his sword and went after the ear of the soldier who was trying to arrest Jesus.

God has done a work in me because I kept my mouth shut in that moment.

So I went back to thinking...what would church be like if we had no paid staff.

The first thought that came to my mind is what would happen to our precious volunteers... The faithful 10%. If you remove the leadership of the church that guards and protects the volunteers from trying to over extend themselves, they would be held hostage by the 90% of pew warmers with demands to feed them and make them feel good about themselves. The Faithful 10% would be handed over to the 90% who behave like Christian canabals! I swear, they eat their young, the leaders, and their elders!!

Then I thought about the grumbling and complaining that would come from the 90% when one of them was sick or in the hospital and the "pastor" did not come to see them personally. Okay...so do you want the pastor or not? Would they feel just as validated if Polly Pew Warmer showed up? I know...that is a laughable stretch of the imagination because "pew warmers" dont do those kinds of things ...those kinds of tasks are for the paid staff!

I would also be curious to see what "pew warmer" would be willing to have the responsibility to seek God for the heart of worship in the church and be willing to walk in that sacred trust against the gripes and complaints of the pew warmers. Pew warmers come in all shapes and sizes. Some think we do too many hymns. Some thing we dont do enough. Some think the music is too loud, some think it is not loud enough! Few really care that there were hours of prayer, seeking the heart of God over how to minister to HIS heart and to lead the congregation in that worship. And far too many think that the paid worship leader is their personal "christian juke box" after all...."we pay you--play me what I want to hear"...have you ever heard of CD?? They are about $10 from any walmart. Worship is not about your favorite play list. It is about bridging the heart of man to the heart of God. And there is a wide variety of people from youth to senior adults that the worship leader is trying to include in that trip to the thone room on any given Sunday.

What happened to our ability to look out for the interest of others rather to our own desires? I have more than enough CDs at home that if I dont get to worship with the church what is on my heart, I can complete my act of worship at home. I am willing to NOT hear my favorite song if it means that a youth or senior adult can touch the heart of God. I just like being a part of that corporate experience.

So if we get rid of our worship leader in trade for a Christian Juke Box, sure we would save money in a salary, but we would also miss the heart of God, who has chosen to lead the church through leadership--even paid leadership.

Then we have the "paid staff" who are also among the volunteers! I remember a time when Mrs Eva, our facilities upkeep worker was also the superintendant of the Sunday School Department (for several years...a volunteer position!)

Yes, I suppose the church could survive without a paid staff. And I suppose the 10% volunteers would rise to the occasion of assuming 100% of church responsibility of the 90% satisfied pew warmers...but is that really what we WANT??

I really think people miss the heart of people who have chosen (at least in our church) ministry as a vocation. It is not because of the money. I know that our pastor has forgone his pay in the past to make sure his staff got paid. He still had a family to feed too. His ministry to the church is not based on money--it is love and conviction.

Every one of our staff members could have taken a job in any other field with a more competetive pay--but they CHOSE ministry to GOD's PEOPLE.

I dont think pew warming people really know the struggle and strain families in ministry go through. We do it out of love. Yes, there are moments of frustration and even sheer exasperation when people just dont "get it"...but it is those same people who I often have to repent and confess my sin to the Lord about because if I dont guard my heart I will lose compassion for them. I have to remember, as Jesus said, "Forgive them, for they know not what they are doing."

Why is it that they dont know what they are doing?

All this to say...It would be a SAD day at the Vine Fellowship if the paid staff members decided not to show up.

Well...I think I have probably said WAY too much, so I will close.

Dawn

Divorce Court

2006-05-27T13:26:00.000-07:00

The Things People Take for Granted

This has been a tough week physically. I was not even able to make it through the complete church service last week. My bones ache and my muscles feel like they are burning from the inside out. There is a creepy crawly feeling like their are ants crawling just under the surface of my skin and I find myself swatting at myself thinking there is something crawling on me. The doctor prescribed pain killers thinking this is just some kind of strange nerve pain. But over all, nothing seems to be working. I was feeling particularly bad one day so I went to go take a nap. By the time I laid down I realized someone had left the TV on in my bedroom and it was on Divorce Court. It would've taken too much energy and pain to get up and turn the TV off so I laid there and watched this farce of a couple lay out all of their dirty laundry before a judge about why they had irreconciliable differences.

The reason for the divorce? This woman was a self proclaimed DIVA and said that her husband stopped telling her how pretty she was after they got married. So she had an affair so some other man could tell her how pretty she was.

I would have rolled my eyes if wouldn't have hurt so bad. All this to say that as I watched the pettiness of this unfold I reminisced in my own mind back to my own wedding day and the vows that were spoken. Back to the days when we were young, naive, and newly in love. The days when we thought love would conquer anything. I remembered how sick I was on our wedding day. I was running a high fever and taking triple antibiotics for a bad case of bronchitis. I was hardly lucid due to the antihistimines and I vaguely remembering my dad teasing me saying that I had better know what I doing because once the preacher pronounced us man and wife that he was not going to take me back if later I said I was on medicaltion and didn't know what I was doing! It was a done deal as far as dad was concerned! Once married, NO RETURNS!

I remember a specific part in our wedding video during the vows when it came to "in sickness and in health" that both Brad and I could be visibly seen trying not to laugh...as my fever was high and my cheeks were flushed and felt on the verge of passing out.

I look back to that time of committing ourselves one to another before God, family and friends and I feel very grateful for the integrity of the man who has stood by my side in sickness and in health. Little did we know back then that we would see so much testing on that particular vow! But if I may...let me brag about the man of my dreams who has honored his word at that marriage altar.

In sickness and in health...there have been days in this illness where I was too sick to even shower because the water hitting my skin would feel like razors tearing at my flesh. Household chores have been delegated out to the kids and some days it was all I could do to put a frozen pizza in the oven.

Recently my mom has come to live with us and has been a blessing beyond belief in helping with the running of the house. My family now has clean clothes again!

There have been some days that I was quite grateful that my job is mostly computer based and can be done from home. I cant imagine where I would be if I had to get dressed and go to a traditional job on a daily basis. Hopefully this new home based business will start to show a profit too so I can help with the growing medical bills.

I know there have been days where I have looked like a frightening sight to behold as I hobble and limp just to get from one place to another in the house but each and every day Brad still comes home and sits on the side of our bed and still hugs and kisses me--and tells me how much he loves me.

I know it is not beauty that he is seeing. It is not even gratitude for the acts of service I do...because I can't do much of that any more either...it is simply that he loves me, and despite all the health issues, he still likes knowing that I am around.

I think about how petty the couple in the divorce court seemed. Then I realize how truly blessed I am to have a husband who can see past the the broken external physique and sing a song to me about having a "beautiful soul".

He's the best thing that has ever happened to me ...next to knowing Christ.
It is comforting to know that I have Brad by my side as we stand and believe for healing...
and not just Brad, but a praying church.

I look forward to standing completely healed on the other side of this trial of health! I look forward to the day that Brad and I will once again be able to hike and climb the hills at the lake as we did in college.

But until that day, I just love that he still comes home and searches me out for a hug and a kiss...and a song about a "beautiful soul".

He can sure make a sick gal feel a lot better!

I'll forever be a "gratefulwife2brad"...

Love, Dawn

It's a Matter of Honor

2006-05-19T19:55:00.000-07:00

Strength and Dignity are her Clothing; She Smiles at the Future

Tonight was Laura's time to shine as we refelected on the end of the kid's first year in public school. Laura was inducted into the National Junior Honor Society. She was chosen to be a part of the society based on her achievements in academics, leadership, character and service/citizenship.

I still marvel when I look at her when I remember all the medical community spoke over her when she was born. Just 8 days after she was born she was looking severely jaundiced so I took her into the hospital where she was admitted to the NICU. THe doctors could not find the source of her jaundice and told us her biliruben levels were through the roof. After several hours of checking her levels while under UV therapy her levels were continuing to climb. We were told she would need a total and complete blood transfusion if she were to survive this ordeal.

We called our church and began a prayer chain for Laura. The doctors told us we needed to go ahead and call family together and begin to make final arrangements because they did not feel that Laura would survive the night. My blood ran cold and my spirit completely REJECTED what the doctor was telling us. I remember telling him, "You don't know our God!"...and we continued to pray. Within the hour they came and told us that her biliruben levels had taken an amazing turn and started to drop--so "for now" they said we were out of the woods for needing the transfusion.

As God would have it, the next few days continued to confuse and confound the medical professionals, while the church continued to pray.

I was just 8 days out from having a c-section with her and Brad & I refused to leave the hospital. We literally had blankets and pillows and slept on the floor of the ICU waiting room so that we could go into the NICU every 3-4 hours during the night...and they bent the rules several times on the night they told us she would not make it through the night and we were at that isolet almost every minute of that night...rocking her , touching her, singing over her and praying.

The next few days brought improvement with no "medical" explanation. We continued to tell them we had a praying church. Within a week of being admitted, we were going home with a perfectly health child and doctors scratching their heads! They did warn us , though, that since her biliruben levels had been so elevated for so long that we should be braced for permanent brain damage, hearing loss and severe learning disabilities. They assured us she would never be a "normal" child developmentally.

It was not until her one year old check up that I b egan to question the doctors further about her "developmental delays" that were diagnosed at birth. The doctor looked confused. This was a new doc in pediatrics and not the NICU doctor who had seen her. So he flipped through her chart and said "THIS is the baby they still talk about in the NICU?" It was then that the doctor explained that Laura had the second highest biliruben levels of a child that survived ever recorded in the 100 year history of Scott & White Hospital and she was the ONLY one who did not have permanent brain damage and severe disability as a result. I was thankful this was told to me a year AFTER the fact, because that kind of info just might have done me in during the midst of the crisis!!

So here we are 12 years later at her induction into the National Junior Honor Society and I am still amazed at the mighty hand of God that has been upon her since birth! The doctors spoke death and severe brain damage over her...but God used her for HIS GLORY. Not only did Laura NOT have severe learning disabilities, she began reading 2 months after she turned 4 years old. By age 5 she was reading the unabridged classics like The Secret Garden and Little Women...and 5 was also the age she fell in love with Nancy Drew! She was an independant reader of chapter books by age 5!

We homeschooled for 8 years and when she went to public school last year they tested her and then advanced her a full grade level. So not only has she excelled in academics and character, she is still a full year younger than her grade level peers.

She is truly a young woman of great integrity and a love for her Lord Jesus. She is a true joy in my life. I used to wonder where she got her strong competitive spirit that could conquer anything...and now I wonder if it could be GOD GIVEN...to teach ME something.

Laura was combating the medical garbage that was spoken over her life even before she was a month old...and she has been a victorious warrior ever since. I could learn a thing or two from this honor student!!

She is my hero!! Her name "Laura Ashley" actually means ABUNDANT VICTORIES...and she has truly lived up to her name sake!

From her grateful mom,
Dawn

Let Go and Let God

2006-05-12T19:05:00.000-07:00

Surviving the Path You Never Thought You'd Walk

It has been just over a year now that we have stopped homeschooling the kids. Chris and Laura are about to complete their first full year of public school. Joshua just had his award ceremony today from his year of homeschool with one of my closest friends.

This is not the path I would have chosen for myself. I had dreams of homeschooling the kids through high school, but as my health kept taking turns for the worse I knew I was left with little other choice than to put the kids in school. I needed help. I had to admit my weakness. I had to trust that God was still sovreign and this was a time in my life where my kids needed more than I could give them and I needed time to rest and heal without the demands of homeschooling.

Still, this is a path I never dreamed I would walk...but here I am, and I have survived!! The kids have survived!! And we have "miles to go before we sleep" as far as this journey to health goes...but we are marching FORWARD and ONWARD!

As I have been looking at the achievement awards the kids have been bringing home from school and realizing how well they did, I thought back to a poem I had memorized as a child called Broken Dreams:

As children bring their broken toys

With tears for us to mend,

I brought my broken dreams to God

Because He was my friend.

But then instead of leaving Him

In peace to work alone,

I hung around and tried to help

With ways that were my own.

At last I snatched them back and cried,

"How could you be so slow?"

"My child," He said, "what could I do? You never did let go."

For the first time I realized.... I DID IT!! I LET GO!!!

I let go of the idea that I was less of a mom if someone else taught my children. I let go of the idea that my kids were not capable of dealing with the public school arena. Then I fully grasped hold of the truth of God's Word, "Wherever you go, there I am with you." I have been simply amazed with the results of letting go and simply trusting God to watch over my children through our current circumstances.

Just this week, Chris and Laura sat in the living room floor as we went through my back pack (still packed) from when I went to CFNI. They were wanting to read some of the assigned books from the Creation Science class I had taken because they wanted to be able to have a deeper conversation of the origins of the earth with their science teachers. These are kids who have owned their own faith and are actively looking for ways to share it in their school environment in a respectful way.

Since the kids have gone to public school we have met our neighbors! Our house has become a magnet for every kid in the neighborhood. One kid walked through the house the other day and said "HI MOM!" and I had to do a double take! Wait a minute! I did not give birth to that kid! So aparantly our family has been adopted as the house to hang out and play. This never would have happened when we homeschooled. In fact I could have told you 10 ways to Sunday how those hoodlums were going to hell in a handbasket and I would not have them being a bad influence on my kids...God forgive me!

But you see, I let go and let GOD! I have 3 kids but on any given youth night or 5th quarter party I am loading up my van with 8 kids...5 extra who want to go to church with us! Brad got a call from one of the kid's parents last week asking us about information about our church and they are planning on coming to visit too. I am watching my children mature into their faith and take an active role of evangelism that they never had to before...and I am learning that those little neighborhood hoodlums really have some issues but more than anything they just want to be with a FAMILY. I am not sure all the details of all their lives...but each day we learn a little more...and we pray a little more...because we were willing to let go and let God. We were willing to travel a road we said we'd never walk. Never say never!

So I must brag on my children and all they have accomplished their first full year without mom as their teacher. I am so proud of them I could bust! I know that those 8 years of homeschooling were very foundational to who they are and now I am so excited to see them fly on their own as they grow and mature into wonderful young adults!

Christopher, age 14, earned the Outstanding Student in History Award this year. This really came as no suprise to us from the kid who read a full length novel on Sgt York when he was in 4th grade...300+ pages. This is the same child who wanted to talk to Colin Powell during the 911 attacks and explain what type of strategical plans needed to be made to effectively launch attack on the enemy! Yes...he has always been a history buff!

Joshua did amazingly well with "Mrs Leslie" this year. You know you have a true friend when they volunteer to make the commitment to homeschool your child for you when you are too sick to do it yourself! Joshua flourished like a flower under Mrs Leslie's teaching this year. Josh got awards this year for Outstanding Student in Spelling and Major Strides in Multiplication! I'd have been lost without her! We tried putting Josh in school last year but it was not working out for the school or for us. But it is amazing to see how far he has come this year with Leslie. It did my heart wonders to have her take my son in and treat him like one of her own, all the while I had another "friend" who told me how I had abdicated my responsibility as a parent. After struggling with this illness, I tell you which one I call FRIEND!! It is one thing to recognize a friend's need, it is a whole different thing to WALK THROUGH THE NEED WITH THEM and be part of the SOLUTION TO THE NEED!

You will have to wait for pictures for Laura for next weekend. We just got the letter that she was accepted into the National Junior Honor Society for excellence in academics, character, leadership and service. She is going on a trip to Six Flags with her choir tomorrow. This is their end of the year celebration for making a 2 in UIL competition this year!

You will never know the full beauty of a bird while it cuddles in your hand. You only see its full MAJESTY when it flies!!!

My babies....they are flying!! And it is beautiful to behold!!

Now excuse me while I go find a kleenex! LOL!

Dawn

God Will Make a Way Where There Seems To Be No Way

2006-05-06T19:10:00.000-07:00

IMPORTANT HEALTH UPDATE FOR FAMILY & FRIENDS:

God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we
cannot see
He will make a way for me

He will be my guide
Hold me closely to his side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way

Normally when I hear songs that are decades old, that were once so overplayed that the anoining just left, I get a serious nervous twitch just remembering how the radio overdosed the masses. There were times that I would cringe if I heard one more round of Celebrate Jesus or As a Deer...though lovely songs they are....they were over played until the anointing left.

Tonight, as I was sitting here collecting my thoughts about all that has occurred in the last week and trying to update my family and friends on our health sitaution, one of those songs came across Brad's MP3 player and I crumbled into a puddle of tears feeling as if God just hugged me.

God will make a way where there seems to be no way....well, that is where my hope and faith is at the moment because my medical experiences of the last week have left me wondering if I just need a good lawyer or the business card to reach Dr Jack Kovorkian!...or maybe both?

Let me assure you that I am NOT suicidal, but the physical pain has made me on more than one occasion pray that I could just die and go home to the Lord. But watching Brad be forgetful about taking his meds and supplements makes me think our kids will be left orphans if at least one us doesn't get on top of this illness...because right now it is beating us to a pulp.

The Medical Facts of the Matter:

Our doctor made a mistake...an oversite...and it has cost us dearly. Part of the conditions of long term antibiotic use for chronic infection and inflammation is that monthly labs must be drawn so as to monitor the toxicity level of the body and to watch for liver damage.

Labs are supposed to be drawn at each office visit while on antibiotics. The results of those labs are back in their office within 3 days. My doctor failed to really look over those lab results and just filed them for our next office visit a month later. That was the tragic mistake. Had he looked over those labs he would have noticed that my liver had reached a level of toxicity. But he did not look at them and kept me on the antibiotics (abx for short) for an additional month before he bothered to look at those results...well actually, he did not really look at them then either. He wrote me another prescription for abx. I noticed that the pharmacy had a made a mistake in filling the prescription so they had to call the doctors office to get verification of the instructions...it was at that time when the doctor looked back at my records caught the lab result and called me on my cell phone while I was IN LINE at the pharmacy picking up more abx and he told me to stop immediately!! He said I had a toxic liver and I needed to spend a month detoxing the liver.

Come to find out, while he had me on those abx for an additional month, my liver enzymes had climbed to a level that now I had a new diagnosis of "medicine induced hepatitis"... due to my doctor failing to read my lab report and calling me with the information about my "out of range" lab values.

It would be nice if that were the only medical issue and that it would be cleared up by stopping the meds...but nothing is ever that easy. Our doctor also told us a few months back that both Brad and I have "sticky blood", technically called hypercoagulation. This is caused by long term inflammation and liver damage. He said he did not want to treat this with blood thinners because that would just be a "band aid" for the problem and not address the real issue of the inflammation that is caused by the lyme infection...so he preferred to treat with more abx.

Well, now that he pulled me off the abx I knew the hypercoagulation problem would be more of an issue since there is NOTHING addressing the infection at this point. So I called and asked him to put me on the heparin (blood thinner) for the problem. He simply refused with no explanation other than he was not comfortable prescribing heparin (though several of our support group members who are also his patients are on heparin prescribed by him...go figure!)

So out of desperation I went to my primary care doctor and asked him to give us a second opinion about what our Lyme doc was doing...and to ask about the heparin issue. He said he wanted to speak with our Lyme doctor about going ahead and putting us on IV abx that would not be such an issue on our liver and be more beneficial in the long run towards fighting the infection. So I left his office feeling hopeful that something would get done...that was last Saturday and after 6 phone calls and ER visit later--we still have not received a phone call from our primary doc. I am developing trust issues where our medical professionals are concerned!

Ok...so you noticed that ER visit comment...yes, we had a hospital visit on Monday of this week. By Monday I was having further difficulty with breathing, major headache, difficulty with walking and tingling feeling in my face, arms and legs. So I called my PCP to see what he wanted me to do...never returned my call. I called my Lyme doc twice...never returned my call. So I called my support group leader to ask her what I was supposed to do!! She heard my mom in the back ground asking questions so she asked to speak to my mom directly.

She told my mom to call the doctors office...she put mamma bear in fighting mode and got her motivated! I guess the bad part about feeling so physically ill is that you expect when you call the doctor and tell them you cant breathe or walk well and are tingly all over that if they do not respond it may not be an emergency...so you just wait it out because you don't feel well enough to do much of anything else.

But mamma.....yep, the support group leader told mom to play the mamma card and get on the phone to the office and tell them exactly what she is seeing and what her concern is from a healthy perspective of someone who is observing the situation.

So mom got the nurse on the phone and told her this was not a situation that we could wait for the doctor to call us back after office hours on and then she described the situation with my difficulty breathing, heart racing and the heart contractions...so the nurnse immediately pulled the doctor out of a patient consult and put him on the phone with me. He told me to go to the ER immediately. BTW, my PCP still had not returned a phone call either. I guess I just need to learn to COMPLAIN more and not try to be so patient and feel like I am wasting their time! At leat my mom felt I was worth bothering the dear doctor incessantly, even if I didn't. And that paid off!

The ER visit in a nutshell revealed that I have a slightly enlarged heart and pretty severe hypercoagulation issues and that I was at a high risk for throwing a blood clot and that I needed to get immediate follow up care with my doctor to get put on blood thinners. This was on Monday.

I called both my PCP and Lyme doctor on Tues morning and again in the afternoon when I did not get any return calls. On Wednesday I went back to the hospital to pick up my ER records and faxed them to both doctors...making 2 more calls to each of their offices again on Wed...no return phone calls.

On Thursday I was packing to leave for a medical conference with 6 of the 12 leading Lyme specialists in the country...right here in Dallas! Can you believe that my doctor, who is one of the 12 "specialists" in the US did not even attend the conference??

Come to find out ofter having our support group leader and myself asking some questions of the best leaders in Lyme treatment in the country about our particular protocols with this doctor, not one of them believe he is treating this in a proper manner and his treatment plan is actually contrary to what is making progress in this illness. In fact, his manner of treatment, is actually further driving the Lyme bacteria into the brain because he is neglecting to address the co-infections, which are parasitic in nature, not a bacterial infection like the Lyme bacteria.

The neglect of the co-infections can cause cardiac issues, hypercoagulation issues, and liver issues...everything the ER visit just revealed! I wont even mention the cognitive issues and other neurological issues that we are dealing with on a daily basis. Suffice to say, everything these doctors at the conference were teaching and warning against are exactly the things that are unfolding in our lives...exactly as they described it would if not treated appropriately and aggressively.

So here we are on Saturday evening (ER visit was on Monday) and my PCP still has not called back. On the bright side, my Lyme doc did call on my way out the door to this conference and told me that I should just take a baby aspirin for the clotting issue. I explained that the ER doctor said I needed an aggressive blood thinner. So then he said he felt heparin would be overkill...then I could hear him reading my lab report and shuffeling through the papers I faxed and I told him to look at a particular report...he did and said that he would prescribe heparin only until I could see hematologist...another specialist. (I will explain the insurance situation here below in just a while). Then before we got off the phone he said he did not want to prescribe the heparin (which would have only cost me $10 a month) but wanted to prescribe this more "expensive" brand instead.

So now that I actually had his approval to take a blood thinner, I grabbed the heparin I already had in my closet and packed it with me for my conference. When I got home I called the pharmacy to see how much my script was going to be...granted, it was not earth shattering, but it was 3 times more expensive than the heparin he was going to prescribe to begin with, so I told the pharmacy to call him on monday and tell him I needed the generic brand due to financial reasons.

THE FINANCES OF IT ALL:

In case you are not aware, insurance is a spawn of satan, I am sure of it now! LOL!!

Let me see if I can find an ounce of humor left anywhere in me and see if I can try to make some Lymeaide of this Lyme that has been dealt to us:

Yearly Insurance Premiums: $6,480/yr
PCP in-network Deductible: $3,000/yr
Lyme specialist out-of-network deductible: $6000/yr
Precription deductible: $200/yr
Out of pocket medicine cost: $1800/yr

total yearly out of pocket medical expenses : $17, 480
before our insurance will kick in and pay 80% in network and 70% out of network

The cost of watching illegal aliens get FREE full medical benefits at our local county JPS Health Network (when my mom gets no help at all because she makes $100 a month too much for coverage)...PRICELESS.

Okay...I really tried to find the humor here...but I'm still NOT laughing...and I can bet you are not either.

Now here is a sobering thought...our yearly medical expenses exceed our rent/mortgage option by almost $1000 a year!

And for the record, I love this country too much to renounce my citizenship for the cost of free healthcare.

I guess this is one strange way to "die for your country"...and darn it, I bet they wont even drape the US FLAG that I dearly cherish over my casket either! At this point, I would be happy to give honor to the US flag that was flown upside down UNDER a mexican flag in our own country...at a public school! I would be honored to have that flag, if they would so donate it to my cause!....but I digress....

So pray for us...I think the most tragic thing that happened this week, was not so much the gloom and doom reports we received....but that I lost my ability to laugh...and I have yet to be able to stop the tears and my eyes are swolen near shut...not out of self pity, but that I knew that if ever I lost the ability to LAUGH I would be in bad shape....and I am truly in bad shape now.

Please continue to pray...

Love, Dawn
.
.

PS...I forgot to mention that I actually got to the point of looking up a counselor who is experienced in dealing with Chronic Illness management, so I went to my insurance web page only to find this listed in the EXCLUSIONS for mental health benefits:

neurological disorders and other disorders with a known physical basis.

HHHmmm...what a bummer for the patient who needs counseling to help deal with the neurological issues from the known physical cause of Lyme Disease....yeah, I'm really bummed out about that one.

A Stranger to Holiness

2006-04-27T00:37:00.000-07:00

Wrestling With God

Okay, it's 2:30 in the morning and God has woken me up from sound sleep...to wrestle through these thoughts on paper (figuratively speaking, of course...I think if the apostle Paul would have had a computer, I bet he would have blogged too!)

Tonight in our home care groups we discussed very openly about our private wrestlings with God. I couldn't quite find the words to express what all was going through my mind...I was just sort of processing what everyone else was saying. Granted, I probably could have had words and thoughts together had I done the homework. But that is another story!

So as I am lying in bed asleep, I recall my pastor's voice asking, "Is there anyone else who wants to share about their wrestlings with God...?" So in the quiet of the night, I find I am waking up and really thinking this through...and this song gets stuck in my head:

Stranger To Holiness
by Steve Camp

Looks like the boy's in trouble again
Living much too close to the edge of sin
Now he finds himself where he should not have been
Oh God, why is Your peace so hard to find
And the answer to the questions that haunt my mind
Oh Lord, Your ways are not like mine

And it pounds like thunder within in my breast
All the anger of my humanness
And though I call You "Lord" I must confess
I'm a stranger to Your holiness, a stranger to Your holiness

Can we really be what we were meant to be
Jesus' people, living by the Spirit and living free
My heart longs to serve, but wanders so aimlessly
Oh Lord You deserve every part of me

Hear my cry of desperation as I see the wickedness of my ways
You alone are my salvation, and Lord I've learned this one thing to be true
Is that the closer I get to You, I see I'm a stranger (to Your holiness)
Don't wanna be no stranger, and it burns like a fire…

That one line just sticks out to me ....about the answers to the questions that haunt my mind...this is where I wrestle.

Lately I find myself wrestling with the lack of control over my life, and sensing a lack of direction. It seems no sooner do I sense God's direction in my life that I attempt to walk in that way ...that the moment my foot touches the path it seems to dissentigrate and I am left aimless like a leaf blowing in the wind.

I get a sense, though, that is not really an aimless blowing in the wind--but almost a purposeful blowing in the wind. I am not really crazy about the whimsical nature of the wind--but I vaguely remember this passage in John 3 that helps me make sense of this:

John 3:5-8
Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, no one can enter the
kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. Flesh gives birth
to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit. You should not be surprised
at my saying, 'You must be born again.' The wind blows wherever it
pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or
where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit."

...And so it is with everyone born of the Spirit...

I wrestle with this greatly! I am a very task driven person by nature...very goal oriented...and this recent lifestyle of not getting to complete what I start, having my plans have to become about as flexible as an olympic gold medal gymnast is very hard.

This whole whimsical wind thing is very CONTRARY to my general make up...I like my ducks in a row.

I am learning more... day by day, that I am not in control of anything anymore. It leaves me feeling helpless and way too vulnerable...but the reality of it all makes realize that God is in control and I can either learn to be flexible and open to His leadings, or I can dig in my heals and demand my "rights"....well, Daddy didn't raise no FOOL!

Besides, I just posted the blog entry on Passive -Aggressive behavior and the difference between outward obedience and inward obedience of the heart. You can't fully have a "conviction of the heart" until you have had to walk it out and be found faithful in the end.

So as I wrestle, Lord, may you find me faithful...

Dawn

Can we say Passive-Aggressive??

2006-04-24T20:49:00.000-07:00

Can't wait to see what his worker evaluation is going to be like! Brad always says "Attitude is EVERYTHING".

God desires our obedience...but this just goes to show that outward obediences does not always reveal the true condition of the heart. God wants our inward obedience of the heart as well as the outward obedience of the flesh.

Just something to ponder....

Dawn

Apples of Gold in Settings of Silver are Words Fitly Spoken

2006-04-24T20:29:00.000-07:00

My daughter Laura has a way of saying just the right things at the perfect time to make you feel all warm and bubbly inside.

When she was two years old, she made her dad's day! We were decorating the Christmas tree and asking the kids WHY do we celebrate Christmas? Chris was 4 at that time and Josh was just 6 months old. Chris would quickly fire off the answers before Laura had a chance to respond, which really irritated her! So Brad rattled off more questions and Chris answered before Laura could...so she was determined....she sat fast on her heels and when Brad asked, "So WHO is the King of Kings?" Before Chris could even open his mouth Laura had jumped up and shouted DADDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You should have seen the look of pure admiration on Laura's face and how quickly Brad was reduced to a puddle of warm fuzzies. He told me that he would correct her theology later, but for that instant he was going to just enjoy the moment.

But today....she made MY day! She and Brad were having a heart to heart talk and I overheard Brad tell her, "You are a wonderful girl, what did I do to deserve a daughter like you?" Laura looked across the room at me and said to Brad, "You married a woman like her".

Just mop me up like melted butter off the floor...!!

Dawn

Medical Humor

2006-04-21T06:02:00.000-07:00

A woman called a local hospital. "Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives information about patients. I'd like to find out if a patient is getting better, doing as expected, or getting worse."

The voice on the other end said, "What is the patient's name and room number?"

"Sarah Finkel, room 302."

"I'll connect you with the nursing station."

"3-A Nursing Station. How can I help You?"

"I'd like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in room 302."

"Just a moment. Let me look at her records. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine. She is to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and, if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday at noon."

The woman said, "What a relief! Oh, that's fantastic... that's wonderful news!"

The nurse said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you are a close family member or a very close friend!"

"Neither I'm Sarah Finkel in 302! Nobody here tells me anything!."

Mixed Signals

2006-04-20T20:38:00.000-07:00

When Differing Medical Opinions Duke it out in the Prize Fight of the Year!

We've been taught to be good little patients and trust the nice men in the White Lab Coats...after all, you do realize that the M.D. at the end of their name stands for MAJOR DIETY, right?

I don't think so!

One of the most frustrating symptoms of Lyme disease, for me, is the brain fog...the loss of memory...not remembering if I have told you this story before...trying hard to find to remember my child's name...(you laugh...but until you search your brain long and hard and can get NO RECALL on their name, it is just hard to really understand the frustration. )

So one of the worst and cruel fates I think is out there, is when the medical professionals COMPLETELY and TOTALLY disagree with one another...and leave a Lymie to make sense of it all. Can you say MIXED SIGNALS??

Let me give you some visual examples. A friend sent me these photos and all I could do was laugh! Looking at these signs is like sitting through an average doctor's appointment!

If we could get all the doctors in the country that deal with Lyme Disease in one conference room it would be more fun than watching a tag team wrestling match as they all hashed out what is the best way to treat this illness! One says black, the other says white. One says up, the other says down. One says left, the other says right...

This lyme brain fog I am in can't handle any more confusion! Maybe they should all just go to Sunday school and learn a basic principle of letting your YES mean YES and your NO mean NO...

But I guess a trip to Sunday school could put them all out of Jobs if they found out that JESUS heals for FREE.

Dawn

This Thing Called Church

2006-04-12T09:49:00.000-07:00

The Heart of Which the Dictionary Cannot Even Begin to Define

Okay, to be fair, let's give the dictionary a fair chance:

church Pronunciation Key (chûrch) n.

1. A building for public, especially Christian worship.
2.often Church
a. The company of all Christians regarded as a spiritual body.
b. A specified Christian denomination: the Presbyterian Church.
c. A congregation.

3. Public divine worship in a church; a religious service: goes to church
at Christmas and Easter.

4. The clerical profession; clergy.
5. Ecclesiastical power as distinguished from the secular: the separation of
church and state.

Do you feel enlightened yet?
Me neither....

I've been thinking a lot lately about a long time friendship of mine, almost 19 years in the making, that has completely been derailed by the issue of "church".

The sad part is that both my friend and I are Bible believing Christians...you would think the issue of "church" would be a NON issue...but it is the VERY issue that has sent this friendship into complete chaos and emotional pain on both sides. In the last year we have had little to no communication...at least nothing of substance.

I am looking for a poem I read once that described perfectly what happened in o0ur friendship. If I find it I will post it. It is called "Draw the Circle Again".

In this poem, it showed a new Chrsitian enjoying all the benefits of being newly welcomed into the Family of God. The full expression of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness...etc...then someone got a hold of him and told him to be watchful and aware that not all "Christians" were like "us"...so this person taught the new believer to draw a circle around himself and include fellowship only with those believers who thought like "they" did. So he drew a smaller circle and included fewer people (under the guise of being "likeminded"). Then after a while, this friend taught him that even within this circle there were those who had different ideas and ways of believing and that he should draw the circle smaller again...this repeated several times to even the point that the friend had been drawn out of the circle. Then the poem closes with the Christian man and his wife left in the circle alone...and the man tells his wife, "It looks like it is just you and me...and I am starting to wonder about YOU!"

A few years back, the issue of church became the very point of contention in our friendship. We went round and round about what she felt was an inappropriate expression of church involvement in our family. She felt we gave the church (and activities with our church) too much of our personal family time. And to be fair, I thought she had a lack of proper relationship with a church in the life of their family. We were on complete opposite ends of the balance on this issue.

So this issue of church was a constant source of pressure for us since she felt like a mentor to me. And on many issues she was a great mentor! But on the area of church and life in the Body of Christ, I needed no more authority than the Word of God.

She challenged each and every belief I had...and I just grew weary.

She felt the church should be led by a plurality of leaders, not by a pastor, and especially not by "paid ministerial staff"...that was just bad stewardship of the church's money. Well, my husband was a church staff member...a paid staff member. (I can feel the embers of hell upon me.) We had a PASTOR and we also had a leadership team!...but still, it was completely an abomination to God in her eyes.

Then came the issue of our church BUILDING. I was quickly informed that if we were really a bible believing new testament church, then we would meet in the people's homes. Great! I told her about our home care groups...not good enough. We still had a sinful building keeping us in bondage.

Then there was the issue of worship...now remember, my husband is the Worship Pastor of our church. We were told that true worship is "melodic" and does not have a beat--that is of demonic origin...called a "back beat". So my musically minded husband took me through the hymnal and showed me some of the "demonic" songs with that horrid back beat timing ...Amazing Grace?

Then one summer I wrote a missions training curriculum to use for the kids at church and we did a summer program called "Mission Friends"...but I was quickly called to the carpet about how our church was in error in letting me, as a woman, TEACH. After all ...women are to be silent in the churches (wrote Paul, who traveled with PRISCILLA and Aquilla who both taught (the man) Apollos...).

I will spare the gruesome details of what happened when I became to ill to continue homeschooling and we put our kids in school.

The friendship was just getting to be mentally and spiritually exhausting. Good grief, all I wanted to do was be a part of a local body of believers and have a place to call my church home! And 14 of those 19 years of friendship, this was the DAILY DIET of "fellowship" between us.

Who would ever of thought that our beliefs about CHURCH would cause such controvery?

So I don't know what concept you have of church...but for our family, church is so much more than a BUILDING...it is the heart of relating to Christ through the individual expressions of his body (ie, his church).
Church is for training (regardless of building or location)...church is the people...who train one one another, disciple one another, and serve one another so that we can go into all the world and make more disciples and reach a lost and dying world for Christ. Our Church Family is often closer to us than blood relatives.

Our relationship with our church family is more real than the air we breathe. It is not just a puch card we check off to feel better and say that we showed up for Christmas and Easter...it is about relationship. It is holding the hand of someone on their death bed. It is helping a mom with a critically ill child. It is celebrating with a newly wed couple. Or standing along side of a single mother...and assuring her she is not alone and she has FAMILY because we are a church--in every sense of the word. It is truly poetry in motion.

I feel really sad for the people who will never experience this kind of relationship with Christ--simply because it may inconvenience their family time. Brad and I spend a great amount of time explaining to our kids that though we have the same blood and DNA coursing through our veins, there is a family that is even more stronger than that...the family of God and we make sure we have integrated them into the greater family than merely just blood relatives. The church is made up of fallable people. I should know...I am one! But even with bumps and warts and all...the people that make up the body of Christ are worth the effort!

Even my friend of 19 years who drew me out of her circle...

Dawn

Kodak Moments

2006-04-09T18:48:00.000-07:00

Building Memories to Last a lifetime

Okay...that sounds like a cheezy commercial doesn't it! But every family has those moments...you know the ones...the ones that send you leaping over furniture to get the camera!

Today we had one of those moments! I couldn't exactly capture the heart of the moment because the photos blurred everytime Starbuck jumped...but these may give you the jest of the moment. Laura decided to blow some bubbles to entertain herself. Starbuck...our "emotionally needy" dog sees these "aliens" (ie, BUBBLES) attacking HIS GIRL and goes into all out war to protect Laura's honor from the invaders!

No sooner had the bubbles entered his reach than he jumped, danced and twirled until he killed each foe!

So after nearling tripping over the chair to reach my camera and snapping these, I went to save them on my computer. I actually have a folder for KODAK MOMENTS!

I ran across a photo from 2 Christmases ago. In this photo our family was sitting at the table after dinner just talking and sharing stories. We had a candle on the table burning. Josh left the table and returned with a bag of mini marshmallows and some little h'our dourve spears and just began roasting marshmallows over our candle...it started a new family tradition in our house! So we shared family stories and roasted mini marshmallows over a candle...truly a kodak moment!

I hope that we will always be able to capture these "kodak moments"...it just seems like yesterday our children were born...now we have teenagers in the house!

Watching them grow has made me cherish my camera more and more each passing day!

So quit reading my blog and go make some kodak moments of your own!

Those precious children will be grown and gone before you know it!

Love, Dawn

We Shall Always Be With the Lord...

2006-04-09T15:52:00.000-07:00

So Comfort One Another With These Words

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred
is torn from your life
And you survive...
This is what it is to be loved
and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held....

~Natalie Grant "Held"

Anyone who has experienced the loss of a loved one knows what it truly means to be torn between two worlds...our earthly existence and our Heavenly promise. If our lost loved one's were followers of Christ, we have the blessed hope of that Heavenly promise that one day we will all be with the Lord...and we are to comfort one another with those words.

One of my favorite songs we sing in church is Blessed Be the Name of the Lord...taken from the story in Job. Much controvery is spoken over this song, mostly in my opinion, by those who truly don't understand the passage of scripture. I heard a preacher once give a message on this passage and he said "The Lord gives and he NEVER takes away!" But that is in stark contrast to the Bible passage. "The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."

I especially love the verse in the song, "every blessing you pour out, I'll turn back to praise."

This part of the song really made me search my heart in the midst of a grief season of losing 7 babies a few years back. The Lord specifically says that children are a gift from the Lord. They are an unmitigated gift. We do nothing to deserve them. They are gifts from His hand to our families. But what happens when that "gift" does not come like we expect it to? Is that precious life any less a gift? I WRESTLED long and hard over this!! How could losing a pregnancy, or having to bury a baby still be a blessing?

It was during these numerous losses that I had come to terms with the eternal.

It was not an easy process, but in the end, years later, I can look at each of those children that the Lord gave us, and know that their earthly purpose was complete (much to my heart ache) but the plan and purpose that God created them for, from the foundations of the world, was an eternal purpose.

I have 7 children in Heaven who are worshipping with the angels, and the Saints who have gone before us, daily crying out, "HOLY, HOLY, HOLY...is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come!" Now this may not come as no suprise to you, being that Brad is their father...this act of worshipping...I think it is genetic! But I had to come to grips with the fact that if children are a gift from God, they are gift, no matter what the outcome....so that song really ministered to me during those times of loss. I had to bow my knee before a Holy God and say YOUR WILL, NOT MINE!

In time I came to look at each child as a gift, regardless of their early departure...and in the process of a grieving heart I was able to cry out, "He gives and takes away...but my heart will choose to stay...BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD!"

So, why am I bringing all of this up now?? So many years after the fact??

This morning my pastor was teaching on healing and death and he referenced the verse from 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

But we do not want you to be uninformed, bretheren, about those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve as do the rest who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep in Jesus. For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord, will not
precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from Heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet with the Lord in the air, and so we shall always be with the Lord.
Therefore comfort one another with these words.

As pastor read those words, it occurred to me that the anniversary of my twins funeral just passed...and this year it almost slipped my mind. I have come a long way from being consumed with the grief. It is not that I have forgotten their precious lives...never will...but all I could think of today was just how COMFORTING those words really are, now that the grief is not so fresh.

My heart is torn between two worlds. To see the Lord face to face, and to worship Him along side of my children who have gone before me...really is comforting to my heart! But the desire to stay earthbound and married to Brad...and to watch my children grow and mature in their faith, to see them get married and have children of their own...well, that is comforting too!

My twins Jeremiah Daniel and Josiah David would be 5 years old...and though their arrival was not as we hoped, I praise God with a grateful heart for the short time that He blessed us with their presence.

For every blessing You pour out,

I'll turn back to praise!

Thank you Lord, for the time we had with them!

Love, Dawn

You can view my Twins Memorial Site at the following link:
http://www.blessedarrows.org/memorialservice.htm

So You Had a Bad Day

2006-03-31T15:51:00.000-08:00

Ok...I admit it...my name is Dawn, and I am an American Idol junkie.

I live in the middle of a very musical family. My husband is a Worship Leader, my daughter plays piano like nobody's business, Josh sings his heart out and Chris is a producer extraordinare...and I just enjoy their music! So it is no wonder that our family finds great joy in sitting together and watching these musical hopefuls reach for the stars.

One thing that has stuck out in my mind is the song that is played each time someone is voted off...So You Had a Bad Day... I find that to be a really encouraging song in the midst of a very difficult time for them emotionally. It is a reminder that they had a bad DAY and that their life is not over...it was just a bad DAY in the big scheme of things and they have their whole life before them...and to be honest, they have a very bright future musically to have made it as far as they have in this competition.

Well...today I had one of those bad days.

I should have been prepared and braced for it...it never fails...after the most meaningful spiritual experiences comes the WILDERNESS that will attempt to steal anything that was planted or that took root from the recent victories. I shared in my last post about my love for the missions conference at our church and being able to touch base with the visiting missionaries.

I set my heart on making a years worth of preparation to prepare myself for going to Nicaragua next summer. This would give me a year to get stabalized in my Lyme treatment, lose some weight, prepare physically and spritually to be a summer missionary. My heart is set...the plans are in motion...and then the WILDERNESS experience.

I had a bad day.

I got a phone call from the doctor today...not the nurse, the DOCTOR himself. He told me to immediately STOP the antibiotic treatment because my liver enzymes are showing extreme liver damage...almost 6 times the normal limits.

He said this could be the cause for my unexplained swelling. Putting 2 and 2 together, the swelling and the liver enzymes, he recognized the signs of liver damage. The swelling and water retention is putting an added strain on my heart.

So he said to stop all treatment and continue only with the diuretic to help with the swelling, potassium to maintain whatever it maintains, and to aggressively continue to detox.

For the most part I can handle almost anything. I am a rape survivor. We survived 4 house fires, we have lost 7 children, and with each passing trauma, we just grow stronger in faith and in our walk with the Lord. I have been told by many a family member that I am "a strong person"...but I dont really feel strong, I just have a great confidence in my Mighty Redeemer.

But today, I hung up the phone, sat down.... and cried.

It felt like each tear that dared cross the border of my eye and stream down my cheek was a liquid reminder that Nicaragua is looking father and farther away.

I had a bad day. I listened to the enemy tell me I would never set foot in Nicaragua and that I would never beat this disease.

...and then I stood up!

Sometimes you just have to speak out loud, even when no one else is in the room. So I made my declaration!

For I know whom I have believed in and am persuaded that HE is ABLE to keep that which I've committed unto him against that day...
No weapon formed against me shall prosper...
He that began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it...
Go ye therefore into all the world...
Here am I Lord, send me...
I know my God is ABLE...
The fervant prayers of a righteous man availeth much...
If any are sick among you, call for the elders of the church, anoint with oil and pray the prayer of faith for healing...
I will never leave you nor forsake you...
You are engraved in the palm of my hand...
I have a plan for your future...

If I never set foot in Nicaragua it will be because God had a different plan, not that the enemy discouraged me from trying. I have set aside the next year as preparation to go to Nicaragua. If this time next year I am unable to go to Nicaragua, I will just anxiously await to see what God had me spend a year in preparation for!!

I still believe in my heart it is to go to Nicaragua, but I am open to anything God wants to do.

This year, I think I will just ask my friend Brooke to bring me back a zip lock bag of dirt from Nicaragua...enough dirt to plant an ivy in and watch it grow for a year!

Okay...so it started out as a bad day...but THANK YOU JESUS that your MERCY is so near that we don't have to wait for the MORNING to experience it's goodness and comfort, we can have it NOW. You are my ever present help in time of need!

Love, Dawn

Undone

2006-03-26T20:27:00.000-08:00

To Melt Like Wax in the Presence of the Lord

If I had been fully prepared this morning, I would have had my camera in tow! But like a kid on Christmas morning I was just plumb goofy as I gathered my bearings to make my way to church for our Anual World Missions Conference. This has to be, hands down, my favorite time of year on our church calander (ahem...I mean next to Christmas and Easter , of course!).

The Missions Conference, to me, is more like a true Family Reunion...you know, when you get to see your distant relatives that you really admire...but only once a year. The kind of gathering that leaves you unable to sleep the night before and you stare at the ceiling thinking of all the things you want to remember to ask your family during their visit in town...and you stay up so late you forget to bring your camera the next morning when you finally get to church!

It was one of those moments that really should have been captured on film. It was a moment during the worship service that truly left me UNDONE. Craig Logan, our friend and missionary to the Philippines, took his son Justin and with a genuine heart of worship danced with Justin before the Lord. (But since I lost the moment, I took this photo of the Logans from their website. )

Craig and Justin danced to LOOK WHAT THE LORD HAS DONE...and it came to the part HE SAVED ME JUST IN TIME...and I remember the story Craig told a few years back when Justin was in such dire physical health that the doctors gave him no hope of survival. Craig related to how the Lord told him this was Justin's song and that when he sang it to remember that : HE HEALED MY BODY, HE TOUCH MY MIND, and HE SAVED ME JUSTIN TIME! Though many in the congregation may not have known the significance of this song to Craig and Justin, I knew. We read the monthly news letters from Craig and Michelle and we pray for this family. Their picture is even on our refridgerator! What I saw in their passionate dance before the Lord was simply prayer in motion! It left me UNDONE. I felt the tears fill my eyes. I looked over at my kids. For years, the missionary news letters from the many missionaries our church helps sponsor have been the real life adventure stories around our dinner table! Each Missions Conference is a chance for my kids to meet their real life adventure heroes and make the concept of "missions work" something up close and personal...something they can put a name and a face to year after year.

This year a few of the missionaries that are normal guests at our conference were not able to come...and my kids were the first to let me know that the absence of these missionaries were NOTICED...at least to their tender hearts who were looking to meet up with ALL of their real life heroes this year!

Then came Sandy Carter. Now, somewhere in the story of babies being left to die in their hospital beds after birth due to the high financial costs of caring for the number of abandoned babies at the hospital, and Sandy's desire to open an infant orphanage to rescue these children...somewhere in this scenario lies the mystery of my HEARTSONG. My husband has asked me for the last two years when I planned on going to Nicaragua and work at the dump in Managua with Sandy with our church's summer mission team. Last year I just did not feel it was possible. It was summer, my kids would need me home...hundreds of reasons why not to go. He asked me again earlier this year if I was going this summer. Somehow my husband is just as convinced as I am that at some point in my life, I have a divine appointment to go to Nicaragua for a missions trip.

As I listened this morning, that same conviction still remained. I thought of the many reasons why this would not be the best time to go...the battle with Lyme, finances, and oh yeah... I missed the deadline! So maybe this is not the year. Maybe I am to prepare for next summer. All the while these thoughts and concerns were floating through my head I could remember the words of my pastor...

"...one day, when I stand before the Lord...I don't want to have excuses!!"

I did a mental inventory all the stories of faith and unlikely heroes I could think of....

Roger West shared a good one tonight! Moses...."Here am I Lord, send AARON!!"

Paul with his thorn in the side.

Jonah, the runaway missionary with a bad attitude!

Peter...need I say more? (But hey, he is the ONLY one of the disciples who walked on water!)

Thomas...doubts...(you and I both, my friend!)

Priscilla...I am sure Apolos was grateful no one had yet taught her that women were to be silent in the churhes...LOL! (She is one of my real heroes! And being that She, Aquilla and Paul were running buddies, had she truly misunderstood the issue of women in minsitry don'y you think Paul would have mentioned it to her? Hhhmmm...just something to ponder!)

All these people of faith were unlikely heroes...but called none the less.

So if Moses studdered, and Paul had his thorn, surely Lyme is no problem for God if one is willing to GO.

This year? Next year? I don't know...but I do know that my feet will touch the soil of Nicaragua before I die. That is a settled issue in my heart. God planted a seed in my heart about that country. The social worker inside me is still praying fervantly that the doors of that country will fling open wide so that international adoption will be legal in that country!

Father God, may your presence that surrounds these precious servants of yours who serve in their foreign feilds forever melt the hearts of those around them...may the hearts of the people melt like wax in the presence of the Lord as they hear the age old call and commission:

Go ye therefore into all the world...

Here am I Lord...send me.

Love, Dawn

Life

2006-03-25T20:24:00.000-08:00

Life may not always be
the party we hoped for,
but while we are here,
we might as well DANCE!

Walking With a Limp

2006-03-25T10:27:00.000-08:00

Whether This is Good or Bad is a Matter of Perspective

This was a very frustrating week physically. The achilles tendon in both my feet have been severely affected by the Lyme Disease which often causes me to walk with a limp, or on a really bad day, not able to walk at all. This last Thursday I was really limping pretty bad and lost my footing. As I stumbled trying to keep myself from falling I was able to make my way and land on my bed...and as most people do when trying to break a fall they hold their hands out. That was a mistake!! I swear, it felt like I broke both wrists!! Since then I have had coordination problems in my hands with numbness and tingling in both hands...but whether this is good, or whether this is bad is really a matter of perspective!

God is so good at putting things in perspective for me. I have been doing a Bible Study with the ladies at my church. We are going through The Patriarchs by Beth Moore. One of the lessons this last week made me want to jump for joy...but I thought twice about jumping with the limping thing going on! I did manage a hearty AMEN and just about colored and underlined my study guide like a good pre-schooler! I don't know that there could have been a more timely message for me this week to keep me encouraged.

We had been studying about the severe deception and betrayal between the twin brothers Esau and Jacob, the stolen birthright, and his fleeing for his life. During his time away and re-establishing his life and reaping back some of what he sowed, Jacob had a life altering encounter with God...and it changed his life forever. As Jacob wrestled with the angel at Pinniel he said "I will not let you go until you bless me!!!" The angel touched his hip socket, dislocating his hip and Jacob walked the rest of his days with a noticible limp saying, I have seen God face-to-face and yet my life was spared."

Shortly after this experience we see Jacob returning to his home land and meeting his brother after all those years. You see the anxiety building in his heart. You see the old habits of self preservation rearing its head again. You see Jacob limping to meet his brother and you see Esau running to meet Jacob. You can hardly miss the irony of this picture. Jacob had the very promise of God that His presence would be with him. Jacob was God's chosen one, not Esau. Yet Jacob limps and Esau runs. At this point, Beth Moore said one of the most profound things I have heard in a long time:

"Beloved, sometimes God will wound His own child to make him walk
differently while the profane and ungodly seem to run with endless confidence
and vitality...for us wounding and hurt are only temporal, yet they carry great
eternal benefits: "For our light and momentary afflictions are achieving for us
an eternal glory that far outweighs them all (2 Cor 4:17)"

Following that powerful statement she shared the following quote from the Talmud:

"God says to man: With thy very wounds I will heal thee."

Catching hold of this concept deep in my heart has been like catching flight on eagle's wings. I can either curse the darkness of this situation or choose to shine a light in the midst of this situation. I choose the later.

God's word is completely TRUE. I continue to pray for healing. But until that is manifest in my body I hold to the truth that all of this will work together for the Glory of God. So the least I can do is to participate with God and allow this trial to grow in me a moldable and pliable heart in the hands of God. He is trustworthy.

So in that sense, I don't mind walking with a physical limp if my Spirit is made stronger in Christ. If this disease serves only to drive me close into the arms of God...can that really be a bad thing??

Don't get me wrong, I am NOT embracing this disease as my friend!! But as long as I have to walk this road, I am clinging to the promise that He is with me. He will not leave nor forsake me...and even if I make my bed in sheol...HE IS THERE WITH ME. So as long as I have the assurance of His presence with me, I can faithfully walk (or limp) through anything this disease will throw at me. As Joseph once said, what the enemy has used to harm me, God has used for GOOD.

This is not the road I would have chosen for myself...but knowing God is with me each step of the way, only intrigues me all the more! I mean really....I am walking this road with the God who created this world in 7 days, raised Chrsit from the dead, and His creativity knows no end! Each step of this journey becomes more and more of an adventure with God...so what if I walk with a limp! The traveling companionship is out of this world!!

So...is it good or bad??? I guess it really is just a matter of perception!!

~Love, Dawn

A Merry Heart Doeth Good Like a Medicine

2006-03-21T16:01:00.000-08:00

...despite the circumstances, sometimes you just gotta LAUGH!!

a friend sent this to me...one who knew I needed to laugh...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FACTS TO PONDER:

(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.

(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.
(C) Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171.

Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept. of Health Human Services.

Now think about this:

Guns...

(A) The number of gun owners in the U. S. is 80,000,000. (Yes, that's 80 million.)
(B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500.
(C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .000188.

Statistics courtesy of FBI

So, statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.
Remember, "Guns don't kill people, doctors do.

FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR.

Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!

Out of concern for the public at large, I have withheld the statistics on lawyers for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention !!

Because Rob bullied me!! :-D

2006-03-08T20:27:00.000-08:00

This is for my friend Rob who said I should include boring stuff about my life in my blog and not just wait around for something profound...so this is for you my friend...yep, it is one of things a friend passed on email.

Boring stuff about me:

Four jobs you have had in your life:

1. Victim Impact Coordinator at the TX Board of Pardons and Parole
2. Newspaper Editor, Freelance Writer, Advertising Mgr.
3. Youth Minister
4. Social Worker

Four movies you would watch over and over:

1. Mr Smith Goes to Washington
2. Luther
3. Chronicles of Narnia
4. Remember the Titans

Four places you have lived:

1. Austin, TX
2.Temple/Belton, TX
3. Plano, TX
4. Arlington, TX

Four TV shows you love to watch:

1. Crossing Jordan
2. Forensic Files
3. Strong Medicine
4. American Idol

Four places you have been on vacation:

1. Fort Worth Museum of Science and History- most recent
2. San Antonio, Honeymoon

3. North Carolina (had to have surgery so we made a vacation trip out of it before I had surgery! Does that count as a vacation?)

4. Austin to visit my parents and go to a funeral (does that count as a vacation?)

Four websites I visit daily:

1. www.blessedarrows.org (webmaster there)
2. www.dfwlyme.com (webmaster there)

3. www.naturessunshine.com (looking for sales on my medical supplements!)
4. www.blogspot.com (read all my friends blogs!)

Four of my favorite foods:

1. Don Pablos Fajitas
2. Fresh Pineapple
3. Enchiladas
4. Saltgrass' Southwest Grilled Chicken (mmmmmm....)

Four places I would rather be right now:

1. In bed
2. Anywhere alone with Brad
3. Watching a live production of Godspell
4. at a scrapbooking retreat with my scrapin' buddies!

So how did I do for a boring, non eventful post about the dull facts of my life?
See....she CAN be taught!

Dawn

You wouldn't Believe it if I told You!

2006-03-05T19:32:00.001-08:00

Spoon Theory vs Spoon Reality

Okay, rarely do I have the time or a clever enough thought to write 2 blogs in one day. But I thought this was a rather "blog worthy" moment!

So there I was moving the dishes out of the sink in order to get them ready to wash when all of the sudden one my spoons (a literal spoon this time!) took a dive down the disposal!!! I almost came unglued!! It was like I was a mom diving in a pool after a toddler who fell in! NOT ONE OF MY SPOONS!! NOT ON MY WATCH!!

It's been kind of funny to watch how my analogy has even impacted my thoughts of literal spoons in my life.

I guess I will never look at a spoon the same way again!

Blessings,
Dawn